


Turning Pages

by heyjayyay



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: 5h, Camren - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Gen, Multi, cariana, turning pages, vercy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-06
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 03:36:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 69,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5896606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjayyay/pseuds/heyjayyay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The brunette was sitting in the library, the café tea she had ordered from downstairs having grown cold hours ago. She tried to restrain herself from being too loud, her vision blurring the words on the page as tears plopped down onto the wrinkled parchment.</p><p>She felt a warm hand slide into hers, thumb caressing her finger lightly.</p><p>“Hey, are you alright?” A friendly voice asked.</p><p> </p><p>Camren College AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Stay in touch!  
> Amazon Author: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B07BB6DFXN  
> Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/17449889.Jessica_Yeh  
> Facebook: facebook.com/JessicaYehWrites/  
> 

**Turning Pages – Prologue**

The brunette was sitting in the library, the café tea she had ordered from downstairs having grown cold hours ago. She tried to restrain herself from being too loud, her vision blurring the words on the page as tears plopped down onto the wrinkled parchment.

She felt a warm hand slide into hers, thumb caressing her finger lightly.

“Hey, are you alright?” A friendly voice asked.

She glanced up, her brown eyes meeting a pair of incredibly green, concerned eyes, framed by a pair of large, black rimmed glasses. She quickly drew her hand away.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” The mysterious green-eyed girl apologized. “I just thought… well, you were crying so…”

“No, it’s alright.” She reached over and tapped her phone checking the time.11:37pm. She had been there for over three hours already. “I lost track of t-time. I should p-probably get going.” The shorter girl stuttered out.

A strong eyebrow quirked in amusement as green eyes watched the brunette scramble to her feet, clambering to gather her things, hastily stuffing the book she was reading, as well as a notebook, stack of notecards, and other loose papers into her tattered canvas backpack, before scooping her textbooks into her arms.

“Wait, are you sure you’re ok?” the girl extended a slender, ring embellished hand out towards her face, about to wipe the tears off the shorter girl’s face.

“No,” The darker haired girl stepped back. “No. Wait, I mean, yeah. No, like I’m fine. Sorry. It’s so silly. Sorry, I just got overwhelmed by what I was reading.” She rambled, wiping her tears with the back of her own hand.

“Escapism” the taller girl smiled. “I completely understand.”

The smaller girl grinned.

“Were you studying for finals?” The beanied girl asked, nodding her head at the girl’s armful of textbooks.

“Umm… well I was, but I kind of got distracted.” She blushed.

“Too noisy.” The green-eyed girl said meaningfully.

“I’m sorry?” The younger girl asked, clearly confused.

“Studying in the library. It’s ironic, really. They say it’s supposed to be quiet in here, but it’s impossible when there are thousands of people screaming at you, trying to convince you to listen to their story.” The brunette gestured at the shelves surrounding them.

The younger girl’s jaw dropped in awe.

“Well, I’ve got to get going as well.” The mysterious girl smiled. “Good luck on finals.” She gave a wink before turning.

And just like that, she was yet again surrounded by a sea of silent voices as her eyes followed a grey beanie making its way out the door.

 

 

**Turning Pages – Chapter 1**

Lauren was grateful to be home again. Taking a full load of the maximum 20 credits really took a toll on her normal energy level. She was currently lying on her back, laptop resting on her stomach as she scrolled aimlessly, occasionally clicking here and there. Lana Del Rey’s _American_ floating around in the background.

It had only been two days since finals week ended, but the brunette still wondered if her final exam scores would be posted online. She logged into her university account and saw a flashing red “1” above the little envelope icon on the screen. She clicked the link and saw that it was an email from her favorite English professor. After her first class with him during her sophomore year, she made sure to take at least one class with him every semester after that. The old man was downright mad, but he was also notorious for his genius (in his own quirky way, of course), and Lauren absolutely adored him.

He was almost more of a caricature than a character, always coming to class with his papers tucked in a jumble under his arm, a crooked bowtie around his scrawny neck that clashed with his much too large button up shirt. Not to mention, that mustache of his was just ridiculous. In addition, the man never came to class without a newsboy cap resting on his slowly balding head, large square-rimmed glasses on his face.

Adjusting her own frames, the green-eyed girl quickly began to scan the body of the email.

_Lauren,_

_I hope your holiday break is going well. After grading your final paper for ENGL 492 and considering your overall grades, I had been meaning to ask you something. Notably, your grades in ENGL 203, 338, and 492, were some of the best I’ve had. Your contribution to class discussions have been nothing but insightful and it’s been truly a pleasure having you in class. That being said, I would like to extend to you an offer._

_Would you be interested in being a TA for ENGL 203 this upcoming semester? I know it’s terribly last minute but there won’t be much work involved. I only ask that you keep track of attendance, hold office hours (on your own time in accordance to the schedule most fitting for you), and possibly assist in verifying grades. I will send out your contact information to the class, with your picture included. (If you could provide one, I would appreciate it. Also, please make sure that no alcohol is present in said photograph. Maybe use one of those computer programs that you young folk seem to know all about and cut out that part and replace it with a Dickens book? I jest.)_

_As for TA evaluation, in the past, I had asked that teaching assistants pick a book of his/her choice to be taught by said TA for the last 2 weeks of class. I’m not quite sure if this has been effective in the past, as most students opt to skip the last 2 weeks of class because the TA’s lessons aren’t a part of the final exam. As a result, I am looking in to other possibilities, perhaps a “word-essay,” if you recall, as in ENGL338._

_You will receive 3 credits for the position in addition to payment of $150 per week. Would this be something of interest to you? Let me know._

_Best regards,  
Professor Pierce _

The junior taped her chin. $150 would be an amazing amount of pocket money and now that she was 21, it would be great in funding her alcohol-induced adventures. It wasn’t like Pierce didn’t know she drank. His email had said as much.

Yes, contrary to popular belief, Lauren Jauregui, though a bit of a nerd, was not the anti-social type of bookworm. She was well-rounded both socially and academically. Even while growing up, Lauren had never been shy. If anything, her quick wit and outspoken tongue got her in trouble more often than not. Her parents had told her that it was alright to be smart, especially her mother who encouraged her to embrace her strengths and never let herself feel belittled by anyone, especially a man. It could be said that Clara Jauregui was a bit of a feminist, but it translated well to her oldest child. Lauren had grown up quite well as a result. She enjoyed learning about all aspects of life, philosophy, academia, and society in general. And she succeeded at it. What her mother had also taught her, though, was to be humble about it.

The rattle of a collar brought the young woman out of her thoughts. She craned her neck to look over the bed toward the bedroom door. Waddling eagerly toward her was her three-legged dog, Tripus, which was Greek for “tripod.” She smiled, patting the space next to her on the bed as the canine gave himself a running start before jumping with all his might onto the soft cushion. She scratched behind his ear as he settled himself, resting his head on her thigh as she began to a response to her professor.

Attendance didn’t seem too hard. Checking his numbers would probably only take 10-15 minutes tops. The only think that would require even the slightest amount of work was the “word-essay” exercises. But they were her favorite part of 338.

_Professor Pierce,_

_I would be honored to TA for ENGL 203 next semester. Attached you will find a classroom-friendly photo of myself. (and my trusty sidekick, Tripus)_

The brunette quickly opened her webcam program and lifted Tripus gently up to her face, supporting his chest with one hand as her other hand clicked the snapshot button. She felt his tongue against her cheek and she smiled before placing the canine back down and continuing.

_Of course, that was mostly just to humor the students. If you would like a more professional shot, I’ve attached one of those as well. If there is anything else you need from me, please let me know._

_I look forward to working with you in the New Year!_

_Best,  
Lauren Jauregui_

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1st day back of the spring semester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 2**

Camila sighed as she threw her suitcase back onto her bed. The break had gone by much too quickly and the stuffy apartment seemed even more confining than she remembered. Halfway through the unpacking process she heard the rattle of keys outside the dorm room. Less than a second later, the door was being flung open and her body was being pinned against her bed.

“Ayo Chancho!” the girl on top of her said, much too loudly, in her ear. “Did you miss me?”

“Yes, Dinah.” She struggled to wiggle out of the taller girl’s grasp. “I hated the calm, silent, relaxing time I had at home and just couldn’t wait to get back here.” She huffed, finally freeing herself. “How could I survive without you?” She rolled her eyes sarcastically.

“Ouch, girl. Right in my heart.” The diva feigned, grasping dramatically at her chest.

“I’m teasing.” The brunette laughed, throwing a shirt from her suitcase at her roommate’s face. She caught it swiftly and threw it back at the smaller girl.

 “You know, Chancho” the taller girl continued “Sometimes I don’t know why I roomed with you.”

“Because you love me.” The shorter girl said simply, as she reached into her suitcase, unpacking another shirt, walking to the closet to hang the garment up.

“You wish.” Dinah teased, sticking her tongue out at the girl behind her back before blowing a raspberry.

The younger girl turned around looking pointedly at her friend. “Now who’s doing the heart breaking?”

“Speaking of breaks,” she deflected. “How was yours?”

“Good. Too short.” She frowned.

“Same.” The taller girl nodded in agreement, watching her roommate continue to unpack. “Have you checked your syllabuses yet?”

“Syllabi.” Camila corrected before continuing “And not yet. I’m trying to avoid it as much as possible. You?”

“Nope.” Her roommate shrugged. “Also, it’s way too early in the year for your grammar policing.”

“Right.” The older girl laughed, putting her last article of clothing into the closet before unpacking her Macbook, plugging it into the outlet and pressing the power button. “Sorry.”

“You should make it your revolution to stop correcting my grammar.” The Tongan teased.

The Latina cringed. _Resolution_.

“Umm… I’ll think about it.” She muttered, directing her attention to her laptop, clicking the power button as the machined whirred to life. “Anyway, no, I haven’t even logged onto CMW since finals week.” She laughed. CMW stood for Course Management Website, the university’s means of communicating between students, professors, advisors, and clubs. It was also where assignments, syllabi, and other handouts were constantly being uploaded and updated amongst said parties. “I’m going to print mine out now, though. I need a break from packing, anyway.”

“Aight. I was just gonna drop this stuff off. Siope and me are going to grab something to eat. Want me to wait for you?”

 _And I._ The Latina held her tongue. “No thanks.” She declined. “You go ahead. I’m good.”

“Alright. I’ll be back to take care of that stuff eventually.” The taller gestured to the clutter she had thrown atop her own bed, waving dismissively at the pile. “Catch ya later.”

“Later!” The girl called after the door that had already slammed shut.

The dark haired girl returned her attention back to the Macbook sitting on her desk, clicking swiftly until she was face to face with the university CMW homepage. She sighed, typing in her username and password. The reality of the situation finally sinking in, classes start up again tomorrow. How unfortunate.

Four out of five of her courses were up and running. She clicked through them for a few minutes, skimming the syllabus for each class, taking note of when any major exams were, writing them on her calendar. When she had finished the remedial task, the brunette returned her attention back to the missing course, ENGL 203. Aside from the course title, there were no materials posted.

Slightly confused, she opened a new tab, clicking the search bar and began typing. _Ratemyprofessor.com_

After sifting through a few key terms, she was able to locate some information on her professor, and her course. He rated a 4.3/5 on the site which was definitely a good sign. Her eyes scanned the page as she began reading a few of the most recent reviews.

IND69320 wrote: Pierce is absolutely insane. I have no clue what we learned. You’re going to have to go the TA’s office hours a lot. (Rating: 1.6/5)

 _Yikes._ She scrolled down some more to find a better rating.

JCO5800 wrote: Easiest gen ed ever. The prof is kind of crazy but that doesn’t matter. No tests either. Just annoying weekly creative writing assignments. It’s more like a high school class than a college course. (Rating: 4.3/5)

NKH4035 wrote: I took this class because my friend took it the previous semester and absolutely fell in love with it. She wrote her own novel of a review _here_. I didn’t think it was as amazing as she thought it was but the prof is a cool guy. Kind of crazy, but he’s a nice little old man. Plus, there are no exams, which is a plus. And no group projects.  (Rating: 4.0/5)

The brunette’s mouse hovered over the linked review that NKH4035 had posted.

LMJ9834 wrote: I thought this class was just going to be a random Gen Ed that I would take to fulfill some credits and then forget about, like the rest of my Gen Ed college courses. But Professor Pierce made it something more. He barely taught anything (which is a blessing and a curse.) Most of the other students took that as an invitation to not pay attention since there were no exams anyway. But the reason he didn’t want to teach much was because he wanted you to teach yourself, to think for yourself, to discover yourself. You may be thinking, what can a short stories class really teach you about yourself? You can relate to the characters you read about, but what really made me fall in love with the class was the free writing he let us do.

He gave us “word-essay” assignments that were literally just a word, and then we had to write about it. For example, I remember the first word-essay assignment I had was the word “Peel.” I was so confused. I didn’t know if he meant “peel” like a banana peel or “peel” like a verb. There was no instruction, no word limit, nothing. He wrote a word on the board and told us it was due at the end of the week. Were we supposed to write a story, define it, or write an essay about it? When I asked Pierce about the word-essay, he just said “Be creative.” So I went to the TA’s office hours and he just smiled and told me it was “anything I wanted it to be.” At this point, I thought the professor and the TA were both insane.

I’m not going to go into any more detail or explain what I ended up doing for the assignment. But I will say, this class is more than just an English class. I can’t tell you what type of class it is though, because that’s what the class is about, getting something out of it for yourself, from your own perspective.

(Rating: 5/5)

The Latina quirked an eyebrow at the screen. _What the hell did she just read?_

The TA, the Professor, and LMJ9834 all sound insane.

Confused as ever, she pushed the thought out of her head. The professor got a good rating and there were no exams. What more could she ask for? The thought was enough to calm her mind and she closed the tab, typing in tumblr.com. She would spend the rest of her evening scrolling through her dashboard until her loud, Tongan roommate returned.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 worlds collide. Camila recognizes her TA to be the girl in the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 3**

The only good thing about the first day of classes, well, the first week in general, was the fact that it was syllabus week, and if you were lucky, your professor would simply explain class policy, highlight important dates for projects and exams, and then let you go after 20 minutes, 15 if you’re extremely lucky.

Unfortunately, Camila was not one of the lucky ones this Monday. Each class dragged on the entire 50 minutes. She was getting restless. Normally, she would sit in the back, her fingers gliding over the surface of her phone as her eyes scanned her Tumblr app. Or maybe she would hide a book in one of her folders, propping it against her desk so that the professor though she was following along, when really, she was engrossed in Huck Finn’s adventures or driving cross country with Charley by her side. Today though, she figured she should at least be respectful. She would suffer through it for the first few days of class, until she finally settled into things, making sure to get on the teachers good side. Then when she was, she could just be there physically, but escape to somewhere else mentally.

Right now, though, she felt like pulling her hair out as she bounced her knee, anxiously. This was unbearable. When her professor finally dismissed them, the sophomore quickly threw her belongings into her tattered bag, slipping on her headphones, and bolted out the door. She had one more class to get through and then it was freedom at last.

When she walked into her final class of the day, her jaw dropped when her eyes settled on an all too familiar face sitting in the middle of the small room.

“No way.” She gasped to herself, hanging her headphones around her neck. “Marielle!” She smiled, making her way in between the rows of desks to to sit next to her friend who had situated herself in the middle of the room. “You’re in this class too?” she asked, pulling her into a quick hug.

“Yeah!” The taller girl nodded. “I needed an easy gen ed.”

“Me too!” They high fived. “I checked online and it got really good ratings.” The darker haired girl confirmed, remembering the mostly positive comments she had read the previous afternoon.

“This is awesome!” Marielle continued. “What are the odds?”

“Hey, hey ladies!” another familiar voice sauntered in.

“Oh my god.” The Latina’s eyes widened as her eyes met a pair of brown ones in the doorway. “You didn’t tell me you were in this class!”

“I switched last minute.” The diva shrugged, giving a cheeky grin before approaching the duo.

“You’re stalking me.” Camila said, pretending to lean away from the girl in fear, grasping Marielle’s arm.

“You wish.” Her roommate teased giving a playful wink as she settled on the other side of her roommate. “Sup, Marielle.” She gave a quick head nod.

“Yo, yo.” The other girl laughed.

“Whoa, check out the prof.” Dinah nudged, tilting her head towards the professor, stifling a laugh.

“Aww, he’s cute.” Camila giggled.

“He’s so dorky.” Marielle stated, surveying the professor’s appearance. He was wearing a black bowtie around his neck, crookedly. His small eyes, wrinkled in the corners, glistened with wisdom and slight signs of madness from the behind the large rimmed glasses that sat precariously on the bridge of his nose.

“Aww.” The Latina cooed. “He’s cute.” She smiled as the professor continued to hobble his little old self toward the podium at the front of the room. His striped shirt was tucked unevenly into his khaki trousers. He looked adorable, like the one of those little grandpas that you just can’t help but love.

“He’s weird.” Her roommate cocked an eyebrow, bringing one of her ear buds up to her right ear, brushing her hair to the side, adjusting her snapback to keep it in place.

Camila dismissed her roommate’s indifferent attitude and turned her attention back to the elderly man who cleared his throat, grinning at the students that sat in front of him.  Up until this point, she had wanted so badly to be done with classes, but something about this man had captivated her attention. Maybe it was how intriguingly quirky he was.

“Good afternoon class!” He greeted. His smile was met with a few uttered hellos and unenthusiastic remarks. It didn’t faze the man though, who continued with his speech. “My name is Professor Pierce. And this is English 203. If you are not signed up for English 203, and this is not your classroom, feel free to stay anyway. I can guarantee you will not be disappointed.” The man chuckled. A few nervous laughs joined in.

“I think you will find that this class is unlike any other college course you’ve ever taken.” He said.

“Heard that one before.” The diva whispered, drumming her fingers on the desk. Camila gave her a quick jab in the side, receiving a glare in return.

“I’m sure some of you have heard, I don’t give exams.” He explained, eliciting some cheers and high fives amongst students. “I don’t believe in them.” He divulged. “Intelligence cannot be measured on the basis of a timed assessment varying between a few multiple choice questions. It’s about your thought process, not the actual end result.” Camila felt herself nod in agreement to the professor’s words.

“There will be no group projects either.” He continued. More hoots and the Latina felt herself grinning. She definitely made a good decision in picking the right class to take as a gen ed.

“I don’t teach this class. I want you to teach yourselves. The literature is merely here to act as a guide, but what you learn is entirely governed by your own willingness to learn.” The man expounded. “I will not force you to absorb any of the information put out to you. That is entire up to your discretion. I will encourage, though, that you at least try to see things from your classmates’ perspectives and learn from each other.”

“What is he even talking about?” The Tongan muttered, rolling her eyes. This time, Marielle shot her a glare and Camila stifled a giggle.

The old man squinted his eyes, looking at the watch on his shaking, emaciated wrist, as he tried to steady it enough to read the time. It took a few seconds and the class sat awkwardly silent before he looked up again.  

“Alright, I’m sure you’ve all had a long day. Let’s go over the syllabus. I’ll introduce my TA and then let you go.” The old man, smiled. “Lauren.” He gestured toward the back of the room.

Her friend turned, probably to give the girl a once over. “Wow. She looks like she lives at the library.” Marielle whispered. “Mila, have you seen her there?”

“Pft, they’re probably roomies.” Dinah teased. “I’ve probably been secretly replaced.” Her roommate jested.

“First, I don’t live at the library.” She defended, catching with her peripherals, a figure making its way around the class, handing out a stack of stapled papers that she presumed were the syllabi.

The Tongan looked at her pointedly, raising an eyebrow. “Sure you don’t. And the sky’s not blue.”

“There are times when it is grey,” the little Latina countered. “Or black.”

“But black isn’t really a color, is it? It’s the absence of pigmentation.” Dinah mocked.

“I don’t talk like that.” She grumbled.

“Actually, sometimes you do.” Marielle chimed in. Camila gave her a pointed look.

“Sometimes I don’t know why I’m still friends with you two.” The brunette huffed.

“Because no one else would be.” Her roommate teased, looking down the row of desks and taking the pile of papers being handed to her by the boy sitting next to her.

The Latina opened her mouth, about to protest before the other girl cut her off.

“Holden Caulfield and Jay Gatsby do not count.” She interjected, taking a packet off the top, passing it off to her roommate.

“It’s not my fault that I prefer the company of imaginary characters over real people.” Camila shrugged, grabbing her own syllabus, as she continued to give the pile over to her friend on the other side of her.

“Ouch Mila,” the taller girl feigned, clasping a hand to her heart. “Feeling the love…”

She smirked, diverting her attention back to the front of the room. The TA was making her way toward the professor. The Latina surveyed her appearance. The girl had on a pair of black combat boots, high-waisted denim shorts, and an oversized red and black plaid shirt, her long hair waterfalled over her back, a matching red beanie adorned on top of her wavy brown locks. She seemed like a regular student from the back. Not really someone that lives at the library. Camila shrugged to herself, looking down at the syllabus in front of her, scanning the information in front of her, not paying any mind to the TA.

“Class, I’d like to introduce you to Lauren Jauregui, my teaching assistant for this semester. Lauren, come tell us about yourself.”

“Hello,” a husky voice echoed through the room. Camila’s eyes immediately shot up. _Could this world get any smaller?_

Her brown orbs instantly locked with the girl’s emerald ones. _The girl from the library_. The sophomore gulped, slumping down into her chair, peaking through her hair at the TA who stood at the front of the room. She was almost certain that the girl was watching her.

“I-I’m L-Lauren.” She stuttered, grimacing to herself. Camila watched the brunette with timid curiosity as the girl broke the stare they had both been holding. “Hi. I’m Lauren” the girl started again. “I’m a junior majoring in Psychology with minors in English and Sociology.” The brunette explained. “I’ll be TA-ing for you guys this semester. If you have any issues with attendance, I’ll be the one in charge of that.” She explained, her eyes scanning the room. No one past the first two rows seemed to be paying any attention, with the exception of the one girl directly in her line of sight. Camila picked up on her surveying, noting that she averted her gaze, choosing the skip over the middle of the room where she sat. The TA relaxed a bit, rolling her sleeves up to her elbows.

Camila noted a small tattoo black on the girl’s slender wrist but was too far away to actually see what it was. Her eyes narrowed as her eyes strained to make out what the shape was but to no avail.

“I will also be the one grading your word-essays.” The brunette continued, toying with the glasses that hung loosely from the baggy tank that was tucked into her shorts. “You can talk to me if you have any questions about them or need some advice. My office hours and email address are on the top corner of your syllabus, under Professor Pierce’s. If those times don’t work for you, you can always email me and we can work out another time to meet. Umm…”  The TA looked over at the professor who gave a satisfied thumbs up with his trembling hand, his mustache shifting as his lips curled up to an encouraging smile. “Alright I guess that’s it then.” She finished. “I’ll be back there if you need me.” She half joked, pointing to the back corner of the classroom.

“Thanks Lauren.” The man stepped up to the podium again. “Now if you’ll turn to the front of the syllabus…”

Camila began to tune out the man’s word again her eyes followed the TA make her way to the back of the room. She wondered if Lauren remembered her. _God, she hoped not._ How embarrassing would that be? She had basically been sobbing into _The Fault In Our Stars_ when they had met. Again, their eyes connected and she felt her breath quicken. _What game is the universe trying to play?_  

\---

Lauren spent the next ten minutes of the class trying to recall where she recognized the girl in the middle row from. She seemed so familiar. She frowned as she felt a vibration against her ankle bone, taking her from her thoughts. Reaching discretely into her boot, she pulled out her phone.

_Vero: Hey hoe! Margarita Monday after you’re done with class?_

She rolled her eyes, tapping her fingers on the screen.

_Lauren: I don’t know. I have a lot of work to do._

_Vero: That’s bullshit and you know it. It’s sylly week. You don’t have work yet. Get your ass out of the library and live a little! Come on, I’ll even buy you your first drink._

The library! That’s where she knows the girl from. She was the one she found crying into her book. She’s prettier than she remembered. Maybe it was because her face was less puffy and her eyes weren’t as watery, not that she wasn’t pretty then either. Lauren looked up, observing the girl as she twisted a strand of hair in her fingers, clearly daydreaming. Her phone buzzed again.

_Vero: Come on, Laur. You know you want to._

_Lauren: Fine. I’ve got to swing my apartment to grab money for cover before we go, though._

_Vero: Sweet! Lucy and me will meet you there. I already texted your roommates and they said they’d be down._

_Lauren:*And I_

_Vero: Shut up._

_Lauren: See you soon! :)_

When she looked up again, the students were already gathering their things and the girl from the library had vanished. Lauren shrugged and collected her own belongings before giving the professor a quick wave goodbye. He tipped his newsboy in return and she was out the door.

Sending a quick text to her roommate, letting her know that she was heading back, Lauren slipped her phone back into her boot and let her mind wander as she strolled through campus. TA-ing wasn’t as bad as she thought it was going to. Especially if all she had to do on most days was sit in the back of the room and do nothing while Pierce lectured for a bit. Besides, she had always loved people watching. Even in today’s short class, she managed to find herself captivated by one intriguing person in particular. Lauren wondered if there was such thing as fate. Maybe the universe had brought her to her because they were meant to meet again. Before long, the hipster found herself in front of her apartment door. Wrestling the keys from her pocket, she quickly unlocked the door and was greeted by her group of friends, lounging on the couch.

“Hey, Laur. How was your first day as a TA?” Her roommate, Alexa, asked. Lucy and Vero were sitting beside her, engrossed in whatever was playing on the television in front of them.

“Ehh.” She shrugged, tossing her book bag under the side table.

“Just ehh?” Alexa raised an eyebrow.

“I couldn’t even talk.” The Latina admitted, a faint tint of pink arising in her cheeks. “I stuttered the whole time and all I really had to do was introduce myself.”

Her best friend laughed. “Wow, English major. You’re so articulate.”

“Fuck you.” She rolled her eyes, but there was no malice in her voice.

“Nah,” Alexa teased, “I think I’ll pass on that one.”

“You’re literally the worst.” The green-eyed girl pouted.

“You love me.” Her friend shot back, sticking a tongue out cheekily.

“Maybe, but only sometimes.” She laughed.

“Always.” The taller girl corrected. “You always love me.”

“Nope. Don’t think so.” She said, popping the ‘P.’ She glanced around the living space realizing that someone was missing. “Where’s Mani?” she asked.

“Probably in her room dancing to Beyoncé.” Vero said with a wave of her hand. Lauren nodded, excusing herself as she made her way toward the bedrooms, following the sound of Single Ladies blasting through the hallway.

When she got to the dancing girl’s door, she leaned against the frame, smiling smugly to herself. Normani was completely oblivious to her presence, her eyes closed as she danced around her room, practically tripping over the clothes on the floor. The small fumble didn’t faze her as she spun around, shaking her hips, stopping when she turned completely to meet and very amused Lauren who was trying to stifle her laughter. “Sup, Queen B.”

“The hell, girl!” the dark skinned girl whined, clearly embarrassed.

“Nice moves.” The hipster teased.

“Like you could do better.” She rolled her eyes.

“I can.” Lauren smirked. “I am Latina, after all.” She mused cockily.

“Yeah, whatever.” Normani played along, pretended to take a defensive stance. “We’ll see about that tonight.”

“Margaritas and Spanish music.” The Latina reminded. “You’ll be on my turf.”

“Yeah, but I’m the one taking the dance classes.” Her roommate reminded.

“Exactly.” Lauren smirked, using her roommate’s own words against her. “You could use a few more lessons.” She teased.

“Don’t be a hater.” The girl raised one eyebrow sassily.

“Not hatin’, just statin’.” the hipster sassed back, giving her best attempt at a Cuban accent.

“Just you wait, Jauregui.” The dancer’s eyes narrowed competitively, “Just you _wait_.”  

The brunette let out a boisterous laugh before turning the corner to go to her own room. “Get ready, Hamilton. We’re leaving in 10.” She shouted over her shoulder.

 “Vamos a MexiCasa!” She heard Lucy cheering from the living room. Lauren quickly pocketed some cash from the small jewelry box she had hidden in her desk drawer, retouching her make up in the bathroom, and then making her way to the living room. Moments later, the five girls were off, making their way down the hall of the apartment building.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk kissing is always fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 4**

When the English class was dismissed, the trio of friends made a hasty exit, ready to return back to their room to relax. Before parting ways, Camila had invited Marielle over to the dorm after the class had ended. She happily agreed and said she would drop her things off at her own dorm before heading over.

The three friends were lounging around on their makeshift couch in front of the small television that they had hooked up to the diva’s laptop. The two roommates had pushed their two beds together in front of Camila’s desk where the television now sat. Just as they had finished the first season of Dinah’s Pretty Little Liars box set, the Latina’s stomach let out a loud rumble.

“Did you hear that?” Camila blushed, running her fingers through her hair.

“People in China heard that.” Her roommate teased with a laugh.

“You wanna grab food?” Marielle asked with a chuckle. Camila nodded and craned her neck. 7:39. Shoot. The dining hall had just closed.

The two seemed to read her mind. “McDonald’s?”

A wide grin spread across the girl’s face as the three made a dash for the door, the Latina quickly grabbing her room key on the way out and the three set out for the McDonald’s downtown from campus.

\---

After their third round of magaritas and an additional two rounds of tequila shots at MexiCasa, Lauren found herself teetering dangerously on the edge of a drunken stupor and being completely blacked out. It seemed that being away from the college atmosphere for three weeks had really lowered her tolerance. That, and the fact that they had been day drinking for about three hours. The brightly colored walls of the Mexican themed restaurant were not helping with her already failing ability to see straight. Thankfully, her friends took pity on her and the group left the bar in search of for food at the always classy, never trashy, McDonald’s.

“Laur, hun you’ve gotta walk in a straight line, boo.” Normani coaxed, trying to hold up the girl’s body weight against her side. The brunette only giggled, nuzzling herself closer into her friend’s arm.

“But Manibear! Everything’s spinning too much.” Lauren stumbled, practically twisting her heel as they stepped off the curb to cross the street. Thinking quickly, as the closest to sober of the group, Alexa lunged forward and caught the intoxicated girl before she hit the ground.

“Thanks.” The dancer muttered as the two steadied their roommate. “Seriously, Vee, why would you give her another shot after her first one? You know she doesn’t handle tequila well!” The taller girl frowned accusingly. The brunette simply laughed.

“Lern Jergie needsta learn to handler liquor. S-not my fault she can’t keep up.” Vero slurred, one arm drapped lazily across Lucy’s shoulders before pecking the girl’s cheek. The Latina simply smiled, shaking her head lightheartedly.

“Let’s get some food in these two.” She laughed, opening the door for the three to head inside, Vero still by her side. “We’ll be there in a minute.”

A knowing grin appeared on the three girls’ faces, Alexa wiggled her eyebrows.

“Shut up.” The brunette huffed, giving the drunken girl a light shove causing the two supporting her to stumble forward as well.

“Where’s Luce Luce and Vero?” Lauren whined as she began to stamp her feet like a five year old, completely unaware of her surroundings.

“They’re right outside.” Alexa hissed. “Stop it, Lo. You’re embarrassing.” She scolded, pushing the drunken girl into the nearest booth, away from the curious eyes watching her roommate in amusement. The Latina’s face dropped immediately as a look of shock came across her features.

“Laur?” Normani prompted. “You alright?”

“I have to pee.” The TA announced, pushing past the girl, making a dash for the restroom. The two roommates looked at each other before bursting into a fit of laughter.

“Should someone go with her?” the dancer asked when they realized that there was a slight chance of their roommate falling into the toilet instead of actually sitting on it.

“We’ll give her a few. If she’s not back in ten, we’ll go after her. “Alexa reasoned. “In the meantime… I’m getting me a Big Mac!”

\---

The Latina wiped her hands on the paper towel, tossing it into the waste basket. On the way downtown, her clumsy self had tripped and fallen not-so-gracefully on her ass. After being ridiculed by her roommate and best friend, she rushed to the McDonald’s bathroom to clean the mud off her hands and knees. She was about to reach out for the bathroom door only to have it swing open, almost knocking her out in the process. She caught a blur of red before she felt it collide into her own body causing her to stumble back against the wall behind her.

“Oww.” She grumbled, rubbing the back of her head.

“Oopsie.” A husky voice chuckled. It seemed almost ironic. The maturity of the voice and the immaturity of the word it had just spoken. Camila looked up to see a pair of unfocused green eyes staring unashamedly at her. _Lauren?!_

“I know you.” The TA leaned in, completely disregarding social norms about personal space. “You’re the girl who cried in the library.” She slurred, pointing a finger into the younger Latina’s chest. “You’re pretty when you cry.” She grinned stupidly.

“Umm… yeah.” Camila hesitated, her eyes gazing over the taller girl’s shoulder who now had her cornered. “Thanks, I guess.” She wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to just push the girl. She looked like she could barely stand as it was.

“Whatsyourname?” Lauren breathed out, leaning even closer, her eyes squinting to focus on the younger girl’s lips.

“Karla.” She gulped. “I mean, C-Camila.” She stuttered. “My name is Camila.” She could feel her palms getting clammy. This was so awkward and her back was starting to get extremely uncomfortable from standing so straight and tense against the tile wall.

“Cameeela.” The older girl slurred. “Cameeela.” She repeated, trying it out on her tongue yet again. “You’re pretty Cameela.” She complimented, tilting her head sideways, the goofy grin still not leaving her face.

“Umm.” She blushed. “You said that already.” The younger girl blurted, nervously. _Was it getting hot in here?_

 The green-eyed girl smiled and nodded. “I have to pee.” She iterated. Before Camila knew what was happening, her drunken TA had leaned forward, closing the mere millimeters between the two and placed her lips upon her own. And then she was gone, locking the stall door behind her.

Camila hurried out of the bathroom, her mind in a complete daze. _What the hell?_

When she caught sight of her friends, she inhaled, steadying her breathing before approaching the two. The trio ordered their food and the Latina quickly ushered them out of the fast food joint.

“Whoa! Chancho, calm down, girl.” Her best friend laughed, jogging to keep up. “What’s the hurry?”

“I’m just hungry.” She called over her shoulder, not bothering to turn around.

“We could have eaten there if you was that hungry.” Dinah added, panting a bit.

“Were.” She corrected almost automatically. “And not really.” She muttered to herself.

“Why not?” Marielle asked. _Shit_. _She heard._

Camila hesitated, unsure if she should tell them about her encounter with their TA. “I want to get home and start the next season of Pretty Little Liars.” She said lamely. She gripped her bag of food tightly, hoping her friends would buy her lie. If only she was as good of a liar as the characters she had just alluded to.

The Tongan reached out a hand for a high five. “Hell yeah! Leggo!” She cheered, marching the three back to the dorm. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Repercussions of the night before...

**Turning Pages – Chapter 5**

Lauren awoke the next morning to the unpleasant sound of her blaring alarm clock. Grumbling, she buried her face deeper into her pillow, trying desperately to return back to her comfortable state of sleep. Unfortunately, the sunlight seeping through the windows wasn’t going to cut her a break and she reluctantly peeled back the covers before making her way to the bathroom.

Rubbing her eyes and blinking a few times, she leaned forward, her tired green-eyes meeting her own in the mirror. Surveying her appearance for the first time, she groaned. _Note to self: Do not listen to Vero. Ever._

Her head was pounding, even as she stood under the scorching shower water. This was quite possibly the worst hangover she’s ever had, and that was saying something considering her wildest partying days were back when she was a freshman, newly out of high school and just dying to live up her newfound freedom. For the most part, she had mellowed out since then, last night being the exception.

When the steam began to make her lightheaded, she switched off the water, wrapping herself in a towel and wringing her hair out, tossing it over her shoulders.

“Well, well, well.” Alexa chuckled as she caught the hipster dragging her feet back to her bedroom. “Looks like Sleeping Beauty’s finally awake.” She laughed, handing over a glass of water and some Advil.

“Shut up.” She moaned, her head still pounding, but still taking the pills gratefully. The cold water felt like heaven as it slipped down her throat.

“So, you gonna tell us who Camila is?” The taller girl teased.

Lauren rubbed her temples. “Huh?” she questioned. “Camila?”

“You don’t remember?” Alexa laughed.

“Remember what?” This was too confusing and she was too hung over to deal with any of it.

“Last night at McDonald’s.” Her best friend pressed.

“What about it?” She raised an eyebrow. What the hell did she do last night?

“You tell me. All you could say was ‘Cameeeela has soft lips.’” Her roommate laughed, mockingly stumbling from side to side.

“Shit,” She gasped. “I don’t remember that at all.”

“That’s cause you were so drunk off your ass.” Normani called from her room.

“Stop eavesdropping!” Alexa shouted back.

“Too loud.” Lauren groaned, holding her head.

“So,” the taller girl whispered, returning her attention to her hung over friend in front of her. “Who’s Camila?” she smirked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“If only I knew.” The TA shrugged, chugging the rest of what liquid was left in the glass before handing it back to the taller girl.        

“Damn.” Her friend snapped her fingers, in feign disappointment. “I was hoping for a good story when I woke up this morning.” She teased.

“Then go read a book.” The hipster stuck her tongue out, gently pushing past her roommate before shutting her door behind her. She could still hear the sound of her roommates laughing at her misery and a “Love you too, Laur” as she let her towel pool to the floor, flopping down completely nude onto her bed. _Bad idea_. The sudden impact only caused her head to pound even more.

After struggling for another twenty minutes trying to clothes herself, she finally pulled herself together and began on her next task: breakfast. She made her out of her room, grabbing her phone , sliding it into her back pocket before sulking to the kitchen, gazing lazily at her options. Yogurt? No. Dairy after alcohol is just not a good idea. Same with cereal, the milk would make her nauseous. Settling on plain toast, she stuffed two slices of bread into the toaster and plopped herself down on the couch next to the dancer who had since left her room and was now clicking through the channels mindlessly.

“Nice to see you too.” Normani teased, gently poking her roommate in the side.

“Shut up.” The hipster pouted.

“Rude.” The dark skinned girl jested, holding her hand up in a dismissing manner.

Lauren was in no mood for teasing, though. “I hate you.” She deadpanned, the action only causing her roommate to giggle.

“Aww!” she cooed. “Thanks Laurenza!”

She grunted in response, not bothering to hold herself up, falling over to the side, her head now on the arm rest as the dancer pulled Lauren’s leg up into her lap.

“Everything hurts.” She moaned.

“When does your first class start?” Alexa swallowed before asking, now approaching the two with a bowl of cereal in hand, settling in the armchair beside her roommates. Lauren fumbled a bit, reaching into the back pocket of her shorts to glance at the time on her phone.

“I still have forty five minutes before I have to leave.” She said. “Thank god.”

“You need more water.” The taller girl said through a mouthful of cereal, setting the bowl on the coffee table, making her way back to the kitchen. When she returned, she had Lauren’s toast on a plate and yet another glass of water in hand.

“Mani and I both have to leave for class in a few.” She sighed, running her nails along the Latina’s scalp knowing that she loved when people played with her hair, especially when she wasn’t feeling well. “Are you gonna be alright?”

Lauren nodded, the action causing her to wince a bit as it felt like her brain was being rattled around. The three sat in silence, Alexa munching on her cereal, Normani watching the television, and Lauren nibbling on her much too dry toast, scratching its way down her throat. Eventually, the dancer pat her legs gently, signaling that she needed to get up. “Feel better, Laur.” She smiled, kissing the hipster’s forehead before shuffling back to her room to grab her bag and making her way to the door.

“You sure you’ll be okay?” Alexa asked again. Lauren gave a thumbs up and the two girls left the apartment, shutting the door as quickly and quietly as possible so as to not irritate the Latina’s headache any further.

With a sigh, the TA finished the rest of her toast, gulping back the water desperately. Three glasses and an additional trip to the bathroom later, she had begun to feel better, settling herself on her bed, back supported by a pile of pillows and her Macbook propped on her thighs.

Logging onto the CMW, she saw that Professor Pierce had sent her an email regarding the first word-essay assignment as well as granted her course administration access for ENGL 203. Since Monday was a short class, he didn’t get a chance to assign the word-essay for the week and asked that Lauren email out information to all the course students about it, allowing her to decide what the word for the week would be.

Hitting compose, checking the option for “all course individuals” in the recipients box, she tapped out an email, fingers typing automatically.

_Hey guys!_

_It’s Lauren, your TA for the semester. It was great briefly seeing you all yesterday. I hope your syllabus week is going well and most of your classes are letting out early._

She wondered if she should delete the last part but decided to keep it anyway. Professor Pierce was cool enough not to care that she was basically rooting for early dismissals.

_Anyway, since yesterday’s introduction was rather rushed, I just wanted to make sure you all received information about the first assignment, due this Friday at the start of class. This will be your first word-essay assignment. Please submit your assignment online in the appropriate ENGL 203 drop box titled “Word-Essay”. Each drop box will be labeled by the due date of the assignment. Please title your submission with your first and last name._

_We’ll start easy. Your word will be “resolution” since you just came back from break. Get those creative juices flowing! I can’t give you much more instruction than that! Happy writing!_

_Best regards,  
Lauren Jauregui_

When she had finished, she decided to get herself acquainted with the course administration. Clicking through, she browsed through the syllabus, drop boxes, and class notes for the first few days of the course. When that grew boring, she began creeping through the student profiles. One name in particular caught her attention. Cabello, Karla C.

Memories of last night came flooding back. Shit. Could it be? She clicked on the profile, the picture only confirming her suspicions. _Damn it._

Clicking the course mail option, she composed yet another email to this Camila girl. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

_Camila,_

_Please see me after class tomorrow._

Shaking her head, she deleted the sentence. That sounded too demanding. Besides, she was the one who messed up. Maybe she should try being a bit more polite.

_Camila,_

_Hello! I was hoping that I could talk to you about something. Would it be possible to swing by my office hours after class? If not, is there a better time we could meet?_

_Best,  
Lauren_

With a sigh, she glanced up at the time on her laptop. She needed to get to class. Packing up her bag and grabbing a water bottle she made her way toward campus, locking the apartment door behind her.

\---  
Camila had awoken the next morning completely exhausted. She had been up all night, tossing and turning, thinking about her encounter with Lauren. Several hours later, she still couldn’t process what had happened. She needed to clear her head. After a quick shower, she grabbed a Poptart and headed off toward the music building, leaving a hurried Post-It note on the door for Dinah to find when she woke that explained where she had wandered off to. The girl could sleep through anything and never noticed when the Latina left the room.

The campus was crowded this morning. Sifting her way through the bustling students, she descending the stairs and made her way to the many practices rooms in the music building. Sitting at the upright piano, her fingers traced over the black keys before she sifted through the contents of her bag, pulling out a few pages of sheet music. Stuffing the last bite of Poptart into her mouth, she quickly wiped any crumbs on hands on her thighs, before positioning her fingers to float atop the ivory.  

There were a lot of things to love about being able to play an instrument. The escape from reality that it provided her was always the best part, she thought. Whenever her parents were arguing, class was difficult, or she just felt out of place, she found solace in confining herself into the piano room of her house. The sound of the keys resonated in her ears, notes floating, her eyes closed. When she was young, her father had inherited the cherry wood upright piano from his grandmother who had passed away. They didn’t really know what to do with it, so it just sat there, collecting dust. That is, until a curious little Camila climbed upon the stool one day and mischievously pecked the smooth keys her pudgy toddler fingers. 

Deciding to put the antique to use, her mother enrolled her five year old in piano lessons at a neighbor’s house. Every week she would walk the girl over to Ms. Stein’s house and the two would sit side by side, flipping through the pages of each of her beginner books. Ms. Stein was able to recognize the young Latina’s natural gift at a very early age and insisted that her mother bring her at least twice a week as opposed to just once. The lesson would be free of charge.

Over the years, Ms. Stein became Camila’s second mother. She taught her theory, improv, and even helped her with some of her own personal compositions. When she had played through every page of every collection Ms. Stein had in her house, the woman took the girl to the music store in town and had her pick out her own book. Page after page, she would read the notes, executing each piece with ease. Ms. Stein would sit beside her, turning pages when necessary, and nodding contently as the two shared a special moment, building a silent, stronger bond with every song.

Camila owed it to Ms. Stein that she was even here right now, majoring in music. Wanting to give kids the same experience as herself, she now taught piano lessons on the side to help pay for tuition and do what she loved at the same time. Nothing wrong with getting paid to do one of your favorite things.

A reverberating buzz brought the Latina out of her nostalgia as she scowled at her phone, its vibrations interrupting her escape. Suddenly her worries from the night before came flooding back. As if the universe wasn’t having enough fun messing with her, she saw that she had received an email. Tapping her password and entering her email, her jaw dropped. She had not one, but two emails from her TA. The first one was in reference to a homework assignment that she made note to do in the library immediately. The second addressed, well, nothing really. But Camila could guess what it was going to be about.

With a sigh, she slung her bag over her shoulder and made the trek over to the campus library. Homework during the first week was never fun, but she wanted to get it out of the way. So after finding a quiet spot in the stacks, she unpacked her laptop, slipped on her glasses, and began typing a new document.

_Resolution: I assumed that when we were given the word “resolution,” we were expected to write about our resolutions for the New Year. But I thought maybe that would be too easy. There had to be more to the assignment, right? Maybe, since this is a literature class, resolution was supposed to be in reference to a plot or conflict. A resolution is supposed to bring relief, an end to the story. It marks a milestone in a life when a problem is overcome. It’s funny how one word depicts multiple meanings. When I think resolution in my life, I think soft pastel and the smell of bar soap; a resolution to stress in the future. I think of lavender scent and white sheets in a quiet, small, but comfortable house. I guess that’s resolution is more of a goal (which ties back to a New Year’s Resolution, which is more of a goal than a relief). Of course, this is just where I want to be when I’m older, not retired, but just older._

The sound a books falling distracted the Latina who, up until that moment was typing diligently. A poor lanky boy was one the floor scooping up an abnormally large book that must have fallen from his arms. Returning her attention back to the screen she grimaced at what she had just written. Well, no turning back now.

_Other resolutions may include the resolution to dissonance in a non-literal sense. For example, the dissonance in a minor chord is resolved with a major chord is played in succession. In music theory terms, that usually is done by shifted a fourth interval to a fifth interval or shifting one of the notes in the chord up by a half step (or whole step) depending on the key. The resolution in sound also releases tension in the mind of the listener. It provides the greatest relief and that struggle, that strain, that conflict in his or her life also seems to just disappear with the notes as they fade and float away. That is my interpretation of the word. I guess the point of this assignment was to make us realize that words, though they’re literally just symbols arranged to spell something, represent concepts. Each concept has its own interpretation and meaning to each individual. A word symbolizes something more, and the same words, when paired with other words, can make up the same story, but be read a billion different ways._

Camila readjusted her glasses figuring that if she continued with her ramble, the assignment would never get done. And she still had to address the second email, the one that she had no idea how to address. Quickly submitting the assignment into the CMW ENGL 203 drop box for the week, she took a deep breath and clicked the envelope icon. Rereading the email once again, she hit reply.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camren: Take 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 6**

Lauren spent the entire day picking at the dark blue polish on her nails until they were completely bare. Now, she sat in the back of the room, watching Professor Pierce hobble back and forth as he lectured the class.

Camila hadn’t acknowledged her at all, though her email said that she would agree to meet with her after class. The thought itself made the TA nervous. Her knee bounced rapidly as she tried, failing miserably, to focus on entering the attendance tally into the CMW gradebook, glancing up every few seconds to stare at the back of the younger girl’s head.

When class was finally dismissed, Lauren felt as if she was going to throw up. But before she could make it out of her seat, a blond boy in a purple snapback approached her. His eyes were smiling at her, teeth white.

“Hey.” He smirked.

“Hi.” She said a bit shocked. “How can I help you?”

“My name’s Keaton.” He grinned handsomely. “I was wondering if I could come to your office hours.” He asked, a sheepish grin plastered on his face.

“Sure,” The TA nodded. “I was just about to head over there. We can walk together.”

When she had gathered her things, she realized that the classroom was empty and Camila was gone. She could only hope that the girl would be waiting for her at her office. Lauren didn’t quite understand why she felt so disappointed to see the empty classroom. It wasn’t like Camila owed her anything.  In fact, if anything, it was Lauren who owed her something. She owed her an explanation at the very least. But if Camila didn’t want to talk about it, then she should just drop it, stop making such a big deal about it. Maybe Camila didn’t even care that it had happened. Maybe Camila was doing the same thing she was, getting drunk food. Maybe she didn’t remember the encounter either. Though something inside the hipster’s mind told her otherwise. Camila didn’t seem like the type to go out and party hard.

“So,” Keaton said, rubbing the back of his neck. “What do you say?” The TA blinked.

“I’m sorry?” Apparently she had completely zoned out during their walk to the west end of campus. “Could you repeat that?”

“I asked if you wanted to hang out some time.” The boy chuckled, taking off his snapback as they entered the Liberal Arts building. He ran his fingers through his shaggy locks, flipping them to the side.

 “Oh, I’m sorry, Keaton.” She blushed. “I don’t…”

“Before you say no,” he cut off. “It doesn’t have to be like that. I just wanted to hang out with you because you seemed cool.” He smiled. “I just transferred from a branch campus and don’t really know anyone. But I read your TA bio on CMW.” He explained. “I thought you seemed cool. But I totally understand if you want to keep it all professional and stuff.” He shrugged.

“Sorry.” The Latina immediately felt bad for jumping to conclusions. “Yeah, sure. I guess it couldn’t hurt.” She blushed.

“Great.” He winked playfully.

“You didn’t really need to come to office hours, did you?” Her eyes narrowed skeptically.

“Nah.” And with that he was gone.

Lauren couldn’t help but giggle at the boy’s approach. _Well played, Keaton. Very well played._

When she unlocked the door to her office she frowned, noting that a certain brunette was still nowhere to be found, nor was anyone at her office door waiting for her. She sat at her desk, feet propped up, reading and waiting for the hour and a half to pass by. The chances of a student coming in need of assistance were probably slim, but she stayed anyway. She was too engrossed in her book to leave. Besides, her roommates were probably up to their crazy antics and a break of quiet was comforting.

The TA wasn’t sure how long it had been when she heard a knock on her door. Folding down the top corner of the current page she had been reading, she closed the book and placed it on her desk. Readjusting herself to sit up straight, she cleared her throat.

“Come in!” She called, taking her reading glasses off.

The door opened slowly and a pair of timid brown eyes peeped in.

“Oh!” She gasped. “Hi. I didn’t think you were going to show up.”

“I said I would.” The younger Latina said nervously.

“Sometimes people don’t keep their word.” The TA shrugged. “I won’t have been surprised if…”

“I’d never dishonor the power of words.” The student cut off.

“Oh.” Lauren said, her cheeks flushing red. “I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.”

“So…” Camila trailed on, her toes digging into the rug.

“Umm… I’m being awkward, aren’t I?” The TA jested, trying to ease the tension. But in reality, she felt like a complete idiot. How was she supposed to approach this? _Oh hey, so I kissed you last night. I don’t know if you remember, because I didn’t even remember. But we did. Let’s be friends. By the way your homework assignment is due Friday._ Cool. Nice. Yeah. That’s not going to work.

Camila’s eyes fell to her desk, trying to avoid responding to Lauren’s rhetorical question.

The junior caught sight of the student eyeing the book she had just been reading. _Out of My Mind._ Understanding her thoughts, Lauren smiled before speaking.

“It’s about a girl who can’t talk, or walk, or do anything, really. But she’s brilliant in her head; she just can’t express it out loud.” She summarized. “It’s one of my favorites. Whenever I get frustrated about not being able to find the right words, I go back and read part of it. It always reminds me of how careful you have to be with what you say. Even the simplest words, when arranged correctly, can have the most complex meaning. It makes you rethink how powerfully you can say things with words…” she paused, as the student lifted her gaze to meet hers “or without them.” She finished, her green-eyes locked on hers in a hypnotizing stare. Something about this girl sent sparks coursing through her veins and she couldn’t understand why.

What the younger girl said next shocked her, to say the least.

“That’s ironic since you seemed to be at a loss for words just a few minutes ago.” She teased, feeling a bit more comfortable with their current situation. The TA broke into a smile, gesturing for the student to take a seat. _So maybe this wouldn’t be too bad of a conversation after all._

“So I asked you to come here so I could talk to you about well, my behavior I guess.” Lauren blushed. “At McDonald’s the other night.”

“I figured.” The shorter girl nodded.

“I’m really sorry. I usually don’t get that messed up.” She apologized. “It was really inappropriate of me.”

“It’s ok.” The younger girl shrugged nonchalantly, as if it wasn’t a big deal that her first kiss had been with a drunk girl. “I didn’t mind.”

“Wait, what? Oh…” Lauren’s eyes widened “Are you?”

“What? No!” The younger girl’s cheeks burned in embarrassment. “I’ve never, well, I’ve never dated anyone before but I don’t…”

“Wait, you’ve never dated anyone before?” The TA cut off unable to contain her surprise. _How could someone that gorgeous have made it all the way to college without dating anyone?_ “Oh my gosh. I’m sorry that was so inappropriate of me. I didn’t mean to pry into your personal life.” The older girl apologized realizing just how rude she was being.

“It’s alright.” The younger girl chuckled nervously. Usually she was the one to put her foot in her mouth and look like a fool but right now, her TA seemed to be doing enough for the both of them. Their eyes met again and Lauren caught a sparkle in the brunette’s eye. Before she knew it, the two had burst out laughing.  

“Can we start over?” The hipster asked when she had finally caught her breath.

“I don’t see why not.” The sophomore smiled.

“Hi,” the TA extended a hand. “I’m Lauren.”

“Camila.” The shorter girl responded, taking her hand her own.

_Sparks._

\---  
“Where’d you go, Chancho.” Her roommate asked once she had opened the door to their dorm. She was lying on her stomach, her legs crossed at her ankles as she rested on the bed. She was flipping through a magazine with her phone by her side playing various remixes by some R&B artist that Camila had never found any interest in. “One minute we were walking out of class the next minute you were gone.”

“I went to the library to print something.” The Latina responded cryptically, hooking the straps of her bag onto her desk chair, busying herself with unpacking the books inside and placing them neatly on her desk.

“Oh yeah?” The taller girl raised a questioning eyebrow, swinging her legs around to sit up now. “For almost two hours?”

“Umm,” Camila faltered. _Busted_. “I may have gone to see our TA.”

“Why?” The Togan asked, prying further.

“She emailed me yesterday.” The shorter girl shrugged, trying to play down the situation. She pulled out her chair and opened the top of her laptop, hoping to hide her face behind the device. Her roommate’s curious eyes watching her were making her start to grow uncomfortable.

“About what?” Dinah continued. _Gosh she was nosy._

“Just… stuff.” Camila diverted her eyes, reaching over to grab her water bottle, placing it on her lips and taking a few unnecessarily long gulps.

“Stuff…” Her roommate eyed her suspiciously. “Alright, you’re not being shady or anything… I bet you just talked about books, didn’t you? You two got your nerd on, huh?”

“She’s _actually_ really cool.” Her eyes shot back up. Camila’s voice had increased significantly, surprising both her roommate and herself. Why was she getting so defensive over the TA? Clearing her throat she continued with more poise. “I just mean, she didn’t seem like a nerd. She’s really nice.”

“I didn’t say she wasn’t nice.” Her roommate defended. “I just said she seems more brainy.”

“She’s intelligent.” The older girl reasoned, shrugging it off with another swig from the bottle. “Intelligence is sexy.”

“Oh, so you think she’s sexy.” The younger girl teased.

“What?!” Camila sputtered, choking on her water. “I never said that!”

“I know, I know. I’m just messing with you!” her roommate laughed. “Gosh you get so worked up over the dumbest things.”

The Latina’s coughing finally subsided and the Polynesian spoke again.

“So, I’m gonna meet up with some girls from my dance class in a few. We’re going to the studio to work on some routines for the Urban Dance Troupe auditions next week. I’ll catch you later, yeah?”

Camila nodded. “Have fun!” She waved her off dismissingly, grabbing her headphones and placing them over her ears. Ed Sheeran’s gentle voice and calming guitar chords filled her mind as drowned out the world and let her mind wander. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The softer side of Camila

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 7**

Lauren sat with her back against the headboard, knees bent with her laptop resting on top of them. The speakers by her bed were playing Lana’s album at a very minimal volume, just enough to provide some background noise as she worked. She had been reading through Friday’s word-essay submissions on the CMW all morning. It was barely pushing 11 but her eyes were already starting to play tricks on her, skipping through lines and mixing up the order of words. She removed her glasses, rubbing her eyes briefly before repositioning them on the bridge of her nose.

Vero and Lucy had come over to drink with the trio. After Monday’s antics, the TA was a bit more cautious with the amount she ingested. As a result, she ended up playing babysitter and tucking her two roommates into their bed while she somehow managed to put both Lucy and Vero on the couch, their feet propped on the coffee table. When she snuck out of her room that morning to quietly pour herself a bowl of cereal the smaller girl had her head resting on the other girl’s shoulder, one arm around her waist, another leg on wrapped around her thighs. It made Lauren smile. Despite how much the two denied it, the five friends all knew that Lucy and Vero shared something special, even if it was unspoken knowledge. Their drunken make-out sessions always raised some questions. They were close, very close. But it was cute.

The TA returned her attention back to the dropbox and clicked through another submission, skimming it with less interest than the last. Every submission sounded so mundane.

_My resolution is to lose weight._

_My resolution is the procrastinate less._

Granted, she had no right to judge. It was creative writing, after all. Pierce had told her she only had to  skim the assignments. If they seemed legitimate, not plagiarized, then give them full credit and move on to the next. If she wanted to, there was space to leave a comment or a grade for the student to read, but he didn’t even require her to do that. The task probably should have been done by now. But Lauren was actually reading them, word for word, hoping to stumble upon something that intrigued her. Maybe. The TA was just searching for something to inspire her. She wanted to read something with more substance, something that piqued her interest, something original.

After three more submissions, things seemed to be getting better, probably because they were arranged by time of submission and the students that had turned the assignment in earlier weren’t rushed or procrastinating, allowing them a bit more time to think more deeply about the word. Soon she was at the last student submission. Karla, Cabello. The TA eagerly clicked the link and opened the file.

As she began to read, the hipster leaned closer to the screen. This is what she was hoping to find. _Best for last, huh, Cabello?_ She smiled to herself.

 After finishing, she clicked the comment box and began to type.

_Camila, I am very impressed. I can tell that you’re really grasping the purpose of the course and seeing that everything is open to interpretation and can be significantly different from person to person; the power of words. Though, I have a feeling you already knew that. Keep up the great work! - LJ_

Just as she had finished typing up her comment, she heard a loud crash from the kitchen _. Looks like the girls are up._ She thought to herself, reaching over to her bedpost and grabbing one of her beanies. _Time to go to the library_.

\---

Camila slipped quickly from the dorm building and made the familiar trek over to the music building on the quiet Saturday morning, secretly smiling to herself as she observed a few straggling girls doing their walk of shame. She was never the type to party hard and the Latina had always wondered how other girls had confidence and stamina to party all night and sleep with someone they may have just met at a random party. Maybe it was the alcohol. She would never know. The most the sophomore had ever had was two cups of jungle juice and the instant she started to feel even the slightest bit buzzed, she immediately stopped drinking, afraid of what may happen if she got anywhere past tipsy. The books she read always portrayed regretful mistakes that occurred when the main character acted under the influence.

Entering the familiar practice room that she had reserved every Saturday morning till Saturday afternoon, the young Latina ran through some scales to warm up, completing the Circle of Fifths twice before there was a knock on the door.

“Come on in!” she beamed, as a blue-eyed, little girl entered.

“Hey Bethy boo! How’s it going?” She asked, sliding over to the chair next to the piano.

“Good!” The girl chirped, plopping herself on the bench and arranging her books, opening them to a simple Beethoven minuet.

“Let’s see what you’ve got.” She encouraged, grabbing the small notepad the youngster had set aside on the bench, flipping to the last recorded page. The girl nodded and began to play.

The Latina always thought it would be weird to teach something that came so naturally to her. If someone had a question, she worried that she wouldn’t be able to answer because well, she just felt it, and it happened. She couldn’t explain it. But that wasn’t the case. Her students were of all different ages, as young as five and as old as 16 and 17. Despite the vast range in age, she found it easy to communicate with them, sharing her passion and love for music with them.

“Amazing job, Beth!” Camila clapped when the girl had finished. “Let’s have you try and memorize it for next week, yeah?” She smiled as blue eyes sparkled. “I think it’s time we give you something harder, what do you say?”

The girl nodded excitedly as the Latina’s nimble fingers flipped through the pages of her practice book, turning to another piece.

“Now, this is in the key of E major, two more sharps than your last piece,” she explained. “Think you can handle it?”

“Bring it.” The little girl smirked proudly. She nodded and scribbled the date at the top of the page and then recorded the piece in her assignment notebook.

“Go ahead and start reading.” She challenged. The girl narrowed her brow in concentration and began to slowly work through the piece.

Before she knew it, it was already two in the afternoon. The half hour sessions had gone by quickly, each student making excellent progress. She knew they would be ready for the Valentine’s Day recital in no time.

Caitlin had been given a two new pieces in addition to memorizing the one she had currently been working on.

Giny was struggling slightly with understanding raising the third to a fourth interval when it came to minor chords, but other than her theory, the pieces she had been practicing were spot on.

Amanda, though she was being forced to take lessons, was making great progress and starting to come around. Camila knew she would have no trouble with executing a great performance for the recital if she would just put her heart into it.

Jen had some trouble transitioning between the key changes in one of her pieces, repeatedly forgetting that there was an additional E sharp for the last eighteen measures of the piece, all else going smoothly.

Nikki had been given three new pieces, already having her recital pieces memorized and ready to go.

Riley was working on trying her hand at improv, using her knowledge of chord progression to compose some of her own works that Camila was certain would be a hit at the recital.

And finally Megan and Madeline, the two sisters had spent the lesson working on their duet that they were going to play for the recital, occasionally bickering and nudging the other to move over on the bench. Camila simply chuckled and helped the two through the fingering arrangements so that their hands would no longer bump into each other.

She had a quick lunch break before she had her last few lessons of the day. She knew she needed to refuel before she continued to teach the three one-hour sessions. The library café was the closest so she packed her bag, and hustled a few buildings down across campus.

When she arrived, she quickly grabbed one of the premade chicken wraps and a banana and paid for her meal, settling down at one of the barstools along the wall.

“Hey, Camila.” A husky voice greeted right as she had taken a rather inhumanly large bite from her wrap. The Latina turned to see a familiar pair of sparkling eyes. The TA pulled herself up and sat in the empty stool next to the pianist.

“Ohy Werrrn” She mumbled, chewing through a mouthful of food, swallowing hard as the much too large amount slid down her throat.  She winced, taking a gulp of water from the water bottle that was sitting in the side pocket of her backpack. The TA chuckled in amusement at her animalistic eating habit. “What’s up?” she asked, despite her cheeks growing warm in embarrassment.  

“Not much,” the friendly green-eyed girl shrugged. “Just finished grading your word-essays. By the way, yours was really well written.” She complimented, shooting the student a heart-stopping smile. Camila could only blush, her cheeks turning redder.

“Anyway, I was just grabbing a cup of coffee before heading back upstairs.” The beanied girl smiled, holding up the cup of coffee that Camila hadn’t noticed before, too enthralled by the TA’s eyes.

“Do you have a lot of work to do today?” The younger girl asked.

“Unfortunately, yeah.” The junior frowned. “I should probably get back before someone jacks my Macbook.” She jested. “See you Monday?”

“Definitely.” The student nodded.

“Awesome.” She smiled, hopping off the stool. The brunette turned to leave but hesitated. “Camila?” The TA pivoted, placing a delicate hand on the younger girl’s cheek. Her eyes fell to the Latina’s lips as her thumb brushed the corner of her mouth gently.

“You had a little umm, chicken wrap right there.” She stuttered.

“Oh my god,” Camila’s eyes widened. “I’m so embarrassing.” She groaned causing the other girl to laugh lightly.

“Couldn’t be worse than me at McDonald’s.” the TA winked. “See you in class.” She said, tilting her coffee in the air in a wave before walking off, leaving Camila alone again with her lunch.  

The sophomore stared dumbfounded at the door for God knows how long before the sound of the blender echoing through the café brought her out of her daze. Quickly polishing off the rest of her meal, she made her way back to the music building.

Mary, her eldest student’s lesson went smoothly as she was more than prepared for the recital. Instead, the two worked on getting a few recordings done for an audition tape that the girl needed for one of her college apps.

Christine’s was bittersweet. Her last few lessons had all been. Before Thanksgiving break, she had told Camila that she was unfortunately moving to Canada and the Valentine’s Day recital would be her last.

Finally, there was Dennis; her only male student but nonetheless, he was also her best. Well, maybe not today.

“Dennis, what’s wrong?” She asked after he had yet again fumbled through the same passage. “You seem off today.”

“Nothing.” He shrugged, trying again to play the same few measures but failing.

“I’ve been teaching you for almost two years now,” She pointed out, putting a hand over the boy’s to get him to stop deflecting. “I think I know when you’re lying.”

The teenager sighed, burying his hands in his lap. “Some people were just being dumb at school yesterday, that’s all.”

“Dumb?” She asked intrigued. “How so?”

“They made fun of me for being gay.” He frowned. The Latina felt her own facial features matching his as she watched him lift his left hand to pick at the side of one the keys, wedging his nail in the cracks between the ivory, pressing down the low F two octaves down from where he sat in a defeated manner. Her students were amazing. Each and every one of them, talented and special in their own way. It broke her heart to see one of them so distressed.

“Hey,” She placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

“Yeah, how would you know?” He grumbled, rolling his eyes. He was right.

“Well, I… I guess I don’t.” She sighed. “But no one should be ashamed of who they love or why they love them. They just do. They can’t help it.” She consoled. The boy simply sighed. “You love playing the piano, don’t you?” she asked, trying a new approach.

“I guess.” He shrugged.

“You do,” the college student chuckled. “I know you do.”

“So?”

“So…” she continued. “You put your whole heart into it because you love it. You don’t care what other people think because it makes you happy. You should be yourself because being happy is what matters most.” She encouraged.

Despite the fact that the student refused to look up from his lap, he nodded a bit and the Latina could tell he was listening so she continued.

“You didn’t choose to play the piano.” She elaborated. “But you did it anyway because it’s what you’re passionate about. I can see it when you play. You get lost in the music. And just like playing the piano, you didn’t choose to be gay. It’s just a result of your emotions. You can’t control what you feel. But if it’s something that you enjoy and you let it become a part of you, you should embrace it.” She smiled. The student looked up.

“Thanks, Camila.” He smiled gratefully. “Sometimes I just… I don’t know. I just wish I were somewhere else.” He stated, placing his hands back on the keys.

“Of course.” The Latina chuckled. “Don’t we all?” The boy nodded and began to play the piece, this time, not making a single mistake.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camila and Lauren try friendship...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 8**

The TA smiled as she made her way to the front of the class once again, taking the chalk from the holder on the board. After her brief encounter with the student in the café on Saturday afternoon, she began to feel more confident that things between them would be fine. She seemed like a great girl and the green-eyed girl became more intrigued by her as the time went by.

“Stem” she wrote in beautiful cursive with the white powder before taking her usual place in the back of the room. She was curious as to what the young Latina would come up with for the next word essay, selfishly hoping that, if the girl was as smart as the TA believed, she would take the word to mean something deeper; roots maybe, and expend some information about herself.

After the attendance sheet had been passed around the class, the boy in the last row stood up and handed the page to her with a wink.

“Thanks, Keaton.” She smiled, reaching for the paper but he retracted his hand quickly with a smirk. She frowned, trying to reach for the sheet of paper again but was again denied. The blond gave a soft chuckle, finally handing over the page after the TA’s third attempt.

“Childish.” She muttered as he returned to his seat, despite the smile that still hadn’t left her face.

She recorded the tally of attendance for the day on her Excel sheet meticulously, verifying it for accuracy again once she had made it through the list the first time. She still had twenty minutes of the class left before dismissal. Pulling her phone out of her boot, she checked to see if there were any messages waiting for her. None.

She propped her elbow on the desk, resting her chin in the palm of her hand, her fingers drumming her cheekbone as she surveyed the class, deciding to occupy herself with people watching.

Keaton was sitting in the back, slouching with his legs sprawled out, one earbud in. The TA scoffed lightly debating whether she should dock his attendance grade for not paying attention but eventually decided against it.

Another student a few rows ahead was bobbing her head, trying desperately to fight the urge to fall asleep. She would lean forward, her head drooping slowly until she suddenly shot up, glancing around her to see if anyone had noticed. No one seemed to and if they did, they weren’t showing any signs of it.

Finally her eyes landed on dark curls and a pastel bow. The girl was on her laptop, two windows pulled up; one was the class notes for the day, the other was the Tumblr webpage. The hipster recognized the familiar blue of the dashboard that she herself had scrolled hours of her life away on.

The TA decided to amuse herself, pulling up the CMW on her own laptop and composing an email.

_To: Cabello, Karla C._

_Ms. Cabello,_

_Please log off of tumblr and pay attention to the lecture. Sisyphus is very important._

_-LJ_

She typed out, hitting send. She continued to watch the student as she discretely clicked from webpage to webpage; Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, and finally CMW.

The TA fought back the sly grin as the student straightened, turning bashfully in her seat to meet her green-eyes.

“Turn around.” Lauren mouthed, her lips quirked slightly as her flustered student obliged. She had returned her attention back to her own screen, hypocritically scrolling through her own dashboard until she saw that she had a notification on CMW. Clicking the red 1 that hovered over the envelope icon she couldn’t help but stifle a laugh.  

_Ms. Jauregui,_

_Sisyphus: Greek tale involving a man that is punished for his deceitfulness and sentenced to roll an extremely large bolder up a hill only to have it roll back down._

_Our study of The Myth of Sisyphus, written by Camus, glorifies Sisyphus to a fallen hero; figuratively climbing hills only to be hindered by his flaws that weigh him down (the bolder.)_

_I am paying a great deal of attention to Professor Pierce. I think it is your level of attention that needs questioning. :)_

_-CC_

The TA looked up to see a playful smile on the student who kept her eyes trained on the old man that was currently lecturing at the podium.

_Ms. Cabello,_

_Touché._

_-LJ_

\---

Things starts to pick up the second week of classes as students began to fall into the regular routine. Camila had come back to the dorm on Friday afternoon excited to finally get a chance to relax over the weekend. Unfortunately, her roommate had other ideas.

 “Come on, Mila!” The Tongan begged.

“Why can’t you just ask Siope?” Camila whined. After getting a callback on Wednesday, Dinah hadn’t been able to stop talking about Urban Dance Troupe. When the final list was posted on Friday, she practically pounced on the smaller girl, bouncing with the excitement of being one of the newest members of the hip hop group.

“He’s already going to a different party with some of the guys on his floor.” The taller girl dismissed. “Please, Mila! We haven’t gone out in so long.” She pouted, jutting out her lower lip.

“Not gonna work.” The Latina dismissed, turning away from her roommate’s puppy dog eyes. “Besides, it’s on a Sunday night! We have class on Monday.”

“Please, Mila! You don’t even have to drink. Just come with me. I don’t wanna go alone.” She complained, taking hold of the Latina’s hands when she refused to return her attention back to her. The Polynesian, with a bit of strength, started spinning the stubborn smaller girl around as she sang.

 _“_ I got my best on and I feel like dancing all night long, nothing’s gonna stop me you’re what I want, so baby come and get me cause I don’t wanna go alone _.”_ She serenaded, switching the words at the last minute.

“Fine, _fine_. Just stop singing Fifth Harmony!” the Latina groaned. “You know I hate them.”

“Yes!” The Tongan cheered, jumping up with a fist pump. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She squealed, pulling the smaller girl into a bone crushing hug.

“Dinah.” The older girl sputtered. “Can’t. Breathe.” She gasped. The taller girl let go with a chuckle.

“You love my hugs.” Her roommate retaliated, rolling her eyes playfully.

“I love my lungs a bit more.” The Latina feigned a cough.

“Ok, ok.” She laughed. “You won’t regret it.” Her roommate promised.

“I sure hope not.” Camila teased.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Partying and alcohol always ends well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 9**

Saturday morning, Lauren rolled over lazily, blinking a few times as her eyes adjusted to the light of the room. After a quick shower, she made herself a bowl of cereal, retreating back to the silence of her room as her roommates continued to sleep in.

Logging into the course administration area of the CMW, she quickly accessed the drop box for the second week of class, skimming through each submission until she reached the one she had been most anticipating.

_Stem_

Green eyes began to read, trying to pair the raspy voice of the brunette with the words that now sat in front of her.  

_When I asked my roommate what she had written about the word, she shrugged and told me to write about getting a bouquet of flowers because that’s what she did._

Lauren felt herself nod as she vaguely recalled reading one of the submissions involving a girl, Dinah was it, receiving roses for a recent anniversary.

_I thought that would be too typical. Besides, I’ve never had any experience with receiving flowers, or boys in general. The closest thing I’ve ever had to something of that sort was in first grade when a boy named Andy Matthews picked his nose and wiped it on me before proceeding to push me off the swings. It was really romantic, and I was obviously smitten immediately._

The TA laughed at the student’s humor before continuing.

_Since that type of stem was out of the question, I decided to take a different approach. In fact, I took almost the opposite approach. Instead of referring the stem of a flower, I chose its roots. It’s kind of funny how we use those words interchangeably in literature; “the problem stems from” and “the problem roots from” but anatomically, in reference to plants, they are completely different places._

_Anyway, I guess I’ll talk about my roots for a bit. I grew up in Cuba, the moved to Mexico when I was five. Being influenced with two types of Latin cultures has always been interesting and I’m thankful for the exposure I got from both. When I was older, my family moved to Florida. A few years later, my little sister, Sofia, was born. It’s weird to think that though we’re both the same generation in my family, she and I will always have different roots, despite having the same parents. She will never know what it’s like to spend your childhood biking along the shore or scouting out seashells on the beach. Instead, she’ll remember McDonald’s Happy Meals, Barbies, and insane amounts of advertising being thrown in her face._

_It makes me feel like we’re actually different generations all together, being born a decade apart. Maybe it’s not a cultural thing that the problem stems from, but maybe a generational gap. She doesn’t see the appeal in the same things I did when I was a kid. She’d rather play games in her iPod than a board game. We could be playing checkers, but she would prefer the virtual version while I would pick the physical one; wanting something more tangible to be able to touch._

_I once read that a philosopher, I think his name started with an H, said that “you can’t step in the same river twice.”_

Heraclitus the TA confirmed in her head before continuing to read.

_He meant that the world was always changing, but it could also refer to this as well. My sister and I, we have the same roots. We stem from the same place, the same parents. But in the end, even if we’re the same, the water in the river is always flowing, always moving, so even if you were to compare us, we’re still not the same. The generations bring new waves._

_I guess this all sort of ties back to stems and roots in a literary sense; the root of the problem between generational gaps stems from the figurative roots of each individual._

The TA sat back, smiling at the screen in adoration. Camila’s word-essay most definitely did not disappoint.

Lauren spent the rest of the day running errands with her roommates as she was the only one with a car amongst the three girls. They went about picking up groceries; cereal, soda, bread, milk, instant noodles, napkins, red party cups; the typical college student list. 

When the essentials were taken care of, the trio stopped by the liquor store, purchasing quite a few bottles. Normani had volunteered the apartment as host to the Urban Dance Troupe’s bonding party. Each of the fourteen members was allowed a plus one; totaling thirty college students when counting the two non-dance team roommates.

The next day was spent lazily as the three girls prepared the apartment, rearranging furniture to make the most efficient space for sitting, standing, and potential drunken dance-offs. Lucy and Vero had come over to help set up, and probably stay for the party as well. They had brought their own case of beer and speaker system to contribute to the cause, as well as flasks containing a mix of liquor Lauren wasn’t sure she wanted to know what it was.

When everything had been put in place, two large coolers sitting on the island full of jungle juice, the five girls turned up the speakers, and started pre-gaming as they got ready, waiting for guests to arrive.

It was nearing ten o’clock and the party was in full swing. Lauren was already feeling the buzz of the alcohol in her system. Alexa was dancing in the corner with a few of the other UDT members and their dates. Normani got up to make herself another drink, weaving her way through the crowd, passing the front door. Deciding that she wanted another drink as well, the hipster stood from her spot on the floor, careful not to knock over the beer can that was sitting in the middle of the circle of people playing Kings, blindly following the dancer’s path.

She caught up to the athlete, watching her as she opened the door and pulled a taller girl into a hug. The girl looked familiar, her hair was very distinct.

“Hey DJ! Glad you could make it!” She greeted before turning her attention back to the smaller girl standing next to the girl that Lauren assumed was a fellow team member. When her eyes settled on the girl by her side, it immediately clicked.

“I’m Normani.” The dark skinned girl introduced. “Nice to meet you.”

“I-I’m…” The young girl stuttered shyly.

“Camila.” Lauren cut off, approaching the three girls in the doorway. “Small world.” She smiled.

The student returned the smile gratefully. “Hey, Lauren.”

“Camila?” Her eyes widened in realization. The hipster gave her a quick shove in the rib and the older girl let out a cough. “How do you guys know each other?” she rephrased, trying to play coy.

“She’s our TA.” The tallest chimed in. “How do you guys know each other?” She asked, gesturing between the two roommates.

“We live together with another girl, Alexa.” Normani explained, pointing behind her at the third roommate, currently swinging her hips, red Solo cup raised high above her head as she danced rhythmically.

“Come in, come in.” She motioned, stepping aside so the two girls could enter. “Dinah, Camila, can I get you anything?”

Dinah nodded while her roommate graciously declined, holding up her bag. “Ahh, BYOB.” The dancer acknowledged.

“Well, if you want anything else, there’s more in the kitchen.” She smiled, the two dancers hurrying off in the general direction of the room she had just spoken about.  

“Get me one too!” the green-eyed girl called after her roommate who waved a hand dismissingly. “Come on,” the TA smiled, taking the smaller girl by the wrist. “We’re playing Kings.”

\---

By the time Sunday night rolled around, Camila was having a slight meltdown. Not only was she going to have to be in a social setting outside of class, but she was going to be surrounded by people she didn’t even know. Her roommate had assured her that the dance group was full of friendly people, but the idea of meeting so many new people at once still made her nervous.

When the door of the apartment opened, she immediately felt her stomach drop as her nerves took over. The place was packed. She almost immediately regretted her decision until a familiar face appeared beside the hostess. She felt her pulse spike as the TA approached wearing the tightest pair of skinny jeans she had ever seen. She wondered if Lauren was uncomfortable in them, but judging by the way she walked so confidently in them, even in her 5 inch booties, the young Latina figured that was not the case.  

Soon, she was being led through the crowd, settling beside her TA as they gathered on the floor around a beer can. A ring of cards circled the drink with a few other guests. She quickly introduced herself, wondering if she would actually remember these peoples’ names after the night was over. Normani and Dinah joined them shortly after, cups in hand. Normani sat down next to her roommate, handing over a cup of red liquid. Dinah chose to sit on the other side of her teammate, directly across from her roommate.

The game went quickly, each person taking a card and performing the designated rule associated with it. Camila ended up drinking from her flask more times than she had preferred but it was only because she was so rusty from not partying for so long.

“You’re up, Camila.” The TA said, gesturing at the cards as she took another sip of her drink.

“Right.” She said, picking a card, taking caution not to break the chain. “Jack.” She read, before tucking it carefully under the tab of the beer can.

“Never have I ever.” Normani said, reciting the rules for her reference.

“Umm, alright” the Latina wracked her brain for something to say. Her usual go to, “never have I ever kissed someone,” no longer applied. She decided to reword the sentence and used its adjusted version instead. “Never have I ever … kissed someone of the opposite sex.”

Everyone in the circle put a finger down. “Girl, you haven’t kissed anyone.” Her roommate jabbed. “You always use that one.”

Camila felt her face flush as she struggled to avoid eye contact with the green-eyed girl sitting next to her.

“Alright then,” a girl to Camila other side said. “Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex.”

Camila, Lauren, as well as a few others shyly lowered one finger. The Latina noticed the Tongan eye her in surprise but before she could confront her about it, she was saved by the attention being deflected elsewhere.

“Cheap shot.” Two brunettes shouted in unison, before making eye contact and laughing. The shorter girl tucked a lose hair behind the taller one’s ear as they inched closer to one another, leaning in and connecting their lips.

The action intrigued the young Latina to say the least. She couldn’t tell if the girls were joking or not, watching their lips glide easily over each other. At one point she thought she even saw a tongue dart out from the smaller girl’s mouth.    

“Get a room!” Her TA laughed, tossing a pillow from the couch behind her in the two’s general direction.

Just as a pillow fight was about to break loose, the sound of Hilary Duff blasting through the speakers immediately caught everyone’s attention.

Camila, as well as many others, looked up to see a flustered Normani running towards the audio set up, bashfully attempting the switch the song on her iPhone.  Suddenly, the sophomore felt her arm being jerked as she was pulled toward the flustered girl. Lauren had taken with her as she ran up to her roommate.

“Leave it.” The TA laughed, throwing her free hand in the air. She then proceeded to drunkenly sing “This Is What Dreams Are Made Of” resulting in the rest of her roommates joining along. Soon the entire apartment was having a sing along to the familiar tune from their childhood.

Camila couldn’t help but smile at her TA as she watched her; head throw back in laughter as she spun in circles, dancing around her with her hair flowing wildly. She looked so carefree and happy.

“Come on, Camila Cabello.” Green eyes glistened.

“I can’t dance.” She tried to protest but the older girl simply shrugged.

“Who cares?”

Chugging the remainder of her flask, she felt herself relaxing as she let her inhibitions run free.

The song ended and the music returned back to the original pounding bass of the UDT’s hip-hop playlist.

Lauren smirked at her before briefly turning to press her back into the smaller girl’s front, moving her hips to sway side to side with the beat.  Camila felt her face burn at the heat of her TA’s body pressed against hers. Maybe she was more drunk than she thought.

“Get it, girl!” Dinah called, quickly joining in. The TA soon began copying the taller girl’s dance moves, recreating them with ease.

The Tongan nodded in approval. “Why aren’t you in UDT?” She asked, her head bobbing to the beat as they continued dancing.

“Not my thing.” The hipster shrugged.

“Lauren’s too good for us.” Normani teased, bumping the girl’s hips with her own.

“Or” the TA smirked, “You just can’t keep up.” She shot back playfully.

The small crowd “oooo-ed” and soon a full on dance off ensued. Not wanting to get sucked in or publicly humiliate herself with her inability to dance, Camila swiftly slipped from the crowd and made her way down the hall in search of a bathroom.

The first door she tried wasn’t the room she was searching for, but once she stepped foot inside, she had forgotten everything else.  

 The room cozy, with polaroid photos arranged in a checkerboard pattern above the bed and old records hung entirely around the room, acting as a boarder. But what had really caught the brunette’s eyes were the dozens and dozens of books that had occupied an entire bookcase by the door. Carefully running her index finger over the binding, she browsed through the collection of literature; everything from Charles Dickens to Stephen King, Shakespeare to John Green. She was in love.

Taking one of the books off the shelf, she began flipping through the first few pages, soon getting lost in the new adventure.

“Get your Latina ass out of here!” a voice barked, causing her to stumble back, snapping the book closed.

“S-Sorry.” Camila apologized, with a stutter as she put the book back where she had found it.

“Oh, hey,” the source of the voice said, much calmer than before. Camila looked up to meet a pair of apologetic green eyes. “Sorry! I thought Lucy and Vero were going to try and get freaky on my bed or something. Didn’t mean to scare you. You can stay.” the TA apologized approaching the still slightly startled sophomore.

“I know, I’m kind of a nerd.” She admitted, her husky tone much friendlier than it had been a few minutes ago.

The TA placed her cup on the shelf and Camila couldn’t help but watch in fascination as she caught of glimpse of the brunette’s tattoo. She had seem flashes of it in class a few times when the TA would talk with her hands, but she had never been close enough to make out the definite shape of it until now.

_A question mark._

The junior seemed to have noticed that she was being watched because she turned her wrist and held her arm out so the younger girl could get a closer look.

“Question everything.” She stated. “Nothing is set in stone. You can think one thing one day, and the complete opposite the next. Everything in life is changing and the only permanent thing that life guarantees is change itself.” She smiled. “I think it’s kind of fun.” She shrugged, continuing. “Even though the tattoo is permanent, its symbolism is actually the complete opposite.”

“Fun? I don’t think fun is the right word, more like _brilliant_.” The sophomore complimented, unable to control herself from impulsively blurting out the words.  The TA simply turned away in a poor attempt to hide her blush. Now that it was just the two of them, Camila felt more relaxed and was able to voice the thoughts that had been swimming in her brain all evening _. That, and maybe the alcohol was helping a bit too._

The younger girl gently placed her hand around the brunette’s wrist, tracing the design with her thumb. The coolness of her fingertips caused goose bumps to rise over the green-eyed girl’s skin. “Did it hurt?” She asked, still fascinated by the simple, black marking.

“A bit.” The hipster gulped _._ “I don’t really remember. I got it a long time ago.”

The younger girl simply hummed in response, ghosting over the design one final time before meeting the TA’s hypnotizing gaze. Only then did she realize how closely they were standing. She noticed that the girl’s eyes weren’t just green; they had specks of yellow and blues in them as well. They looked like galaxies. The older girl blinked, and Camila tore herself away from their intense moment.

“Umm, I like your collection.” She said dumbly, turning back to the shelves.

“Umm, thanks.” The TA said, clearing her throat. “You can uhh, borrow anything you like.”

“Really?” her eyes widened. She had to admit, there were quite a few that she was more than intrigued to read.

“Sure.” Taller girl nodded. “In fact, why don’t you take one now?”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I’ll even help you pick one out if you want.” The older girl offered.

“I’d like that.” Camila nodded.

The two spent the rest of the evening hidden away in the hipster’s room, lying side by side on the bed with the pile of literature in the middle of them as they read over the back covers of each book. The TA would then give a brief preview of the plot, careful not to spoil anything for the younger girl.

“So, are you gonna come to class tomorrow?” Lauren asked when they had finalized their decision, glancing at the clock. Camila looked over in the same direction and saw that it was already 3 in the morning. “Well, technically today.” She corrected.

“Ehh, I don’t know.” She teased. “I might skip.”

“Suit yourself.” The older girl shrugged. “I get paid whether or not you show up.”

The younger girl’s jaw dropped. She recovered quickly, though, and let out a laugh. “Touché, Ms. Jauregui. Touché.”

“I try.” She smirked.

Their eyes locked for the nth time that night, the alcohol having worn away. “Umm… I should go get Dinah.” She stammered stupidly. “We should really get going.”

“Right.” The TA nodded. “I’ll help you find her.”

As they exited the bedroom, Camila noticed that the party had significantly died down. Only a few stragglers remained but they too were slowly gathering their things, getting ready to leave.

Grabbing her drunken roommate off the couch, she made her way to the door, the book she had borrowed from the junior tucked security under her arm.

“You gonna be alright getting home?” The TA asked genuinely concerned.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine. Dinah Jane over here just needs to sleep it off.” She nudged as the taller girl simply giggled.

The TA surveyed them warily. “Give me your phone a sec.” The shorter girl obliged, handing over the device. The girl took the phone, tapping a few buttons before handing it back to her.

“Let me know when you get home safe.” She smiled.

“Will do.” She nodded.

After they had made it downtown, her roommate decided it would be fun to skip back to the dorm, making it easier for Camila as she no longer had to support the larger girl’s weight. Slipping into her PJs, she sent a quick text to the TA, letting her know that they had arrived back to their room.

 _Hey! It’s Camila! We’re alive and about to go to sleep. Thanks for everything. I had fun tonight! See you tomorrow (today.)_ She typed, placing her new reading material on her desk.

Her phone buzzed almost immediately. _So you are coming to class?_

She rolled her eyes, turning out the lights and setting her phone by her head.

 _Goodnight, Lauren._ She tapped out.

 _Goodnight! Zzzzz._ Was the response.

Nuzzling into her pillow, she soon fell asleep. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keaton vs. Camila

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 10**

The morning after the party, the hipster woke up, taking a quick shower before class, then walking to the kitchen to make herself a routine bowl of cereal.

“Morning.” She said with a yawn. Her two roommates looked up from their hushed conversation. “Hey,” “What’s up?” The two girls greeted. The dancer smiled cheekily as the model turned her attention to her phone. The hipster raised an eyebrow.

“Idiots.” She chuckled at the two’s inability to hide the fact that they had just been caught talking about her. “So what were you talking about?” She baited playfully, plopping down on one of the barstools at the counter across from the brunette with the dancer on her other side. “Anything interesting?” 

The model bit back with her own comeback. “So how were Camila’s lips?” She teased looking up from the screen when the hipster sat down. “Soft?” She said with a smirk.

“Shut up.” the green-eyed girl rolled her eyes, stuffing a spoonful of the frosted cereal in her mouth, chewing a bit before swallowing enough to allow her to speak again. “We didn’t do anything. It’s not like that.”

“And when were you gonna tell us that she’s your student?” The dancer piped in from beside the TA who shrugged, taking another spoonful, hoping that her indifference would end the conversation. Unforuntately not.

“Scandalous!” the model wiggled her eyebrows, continuing to tease.

“The new Ezria.” The dark skinned girl added with a nod. “I ship it.” The two roommates leaned over the counter to high five. The brunette groaned, again swallowing a mouthful before speaking.

“Stop.” She pointed her spoon at the two. “She’s a girl.”

“So?” The model mocked, lifting her own spoon from her bowl and clinking it against the side of the TA’s lifted one. “Vero and Lucy are girls.” She pointed out. “I’m a girl. Normani’s a girl. Half of the human population is a girl. What’s your point?”

The hipster bit the inside of her cheek. What _was_ her point? Surely Camila being female didn’t really play any importance in the argument.

“We’re just friends.” She clarified, attempting to steer the conversation in a different direction. “She’s cool.”

“You could be more than friends.” The older girl said nonchalantly. Lauren looked up at her roommate, green eyes lowered in scrutiny as she tried to interpret just what her roommate was trying to hint at. But the model’s stoic expression gave nothing away.

“We could” the hipster finally agreed “But we’re not.”

“Oh so…” The dancer began but the TA shot her a look, green eyes daring her to finish her sentence. She was starting to get a sense of the conversation the two roommates must have been having before she had walked into the room.

“No.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m not suggesting. Look, if something were to happen between us, I promise you’ll be the first to know. Alright?” She huffed. “Can we stop talking about this? We were just reading and lost track of time.”

“Fine.” The model shrugged. “Just trying to spice up your life.”

“I was drunk and it was a mistake.” Lauren defended. “Besides, we’ve moved passed it and are friends now. Let it go.”

“Okay, okay.” The dancer said, holding her hands up in surrender. “Subject dropped.”

“Thank you.” She sighed in relief.

But even though the conversation with the girls was over, it was too late. The idea had been planted in her head. When her roommates left for class, the TA spent the rest of her morning thinking about the words they had said, analyzing and overanalyzing every aspect of her friendship with her student.

Camila was a nice girl, smart too. Lauren liked her as a person and could even considered her a friend. But she had never considered her as anything more than that. Even though they had kissed, she was too drunk to remember it. It was a drunken mistake that shouldn’t be read into. And besides, as far as she knew, Camila was straight. And as far as Lauren knew about herself, she was straight too. She had never dated anyone who wasn’t male and the idea of dating a girl never really crossed her mind.

The brunette rolled her eyes at her behavior. This was too much for a Monday morning. She decided to check her email one more time before heading off to class. She had a few messages from students in regards to the day’s reading assignment which she answered quickly, explaining the basics of the text that may have been overlooked by Pierce during his signature rants. Her last email was one from Keaton asking for her number and to hang out that afternoon. She chuckled at the student’s boldness and decided he at least earned a chance to hang out. Her number, he’d have to try a bit harder for.

_Keaton,_

_Sounds good! I’ll see if I can round up some people to introduce you to so you can meet some new people on campus! We’ll talk more after class._

_-LJ_

After sending the short email, slightly friend-zoning the boy, she gathered her things for class and made her way toward campus. Despite the fact that it was a Monday, she felt uncharacteristically excited for class, especially the last class of the day. She wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with seeing Camila or Keaton.

 

\---

As promised, Camila walked herself to her last class of the day, smiling slightly at the TA who was standing at the blackboard, chalk in hand as she twirled it in thought most likely debating what word to pick for the week’s word essay.

“Hey.” She said, giving the junior a light pat on the arm. The TA turned, her green-eyes meeting chocolate orbs.

“Oh.” She blushed. “Hey!” The brunette smiled, looking to the Latina’s side. “No Dinah?”

“Yeah.” The younger girl laughed. “She’s still sleeping.”

“Fair enough.” The TA chuckled. “It was a pretty late party and she went pretty hard.”

Camila nodded. “Anyway, I should probably get to my seat.”

“Right.” The older girl nodded. “I still need to come up with a word for your word essays.” She said, tilting her head toward the blank slate in front of the two, returning her attention back to the board.

Camila sat at her usual desk in the middle of the room, taking her laptop out and opening it so that she could discretely place the book she had borrowed from the TA stealthily on the keyboard without it being seen by her professor in the front of the room.

_My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name Susie. I was fourteen when I was murdered on December 6, 1973. In newspaper photos of missing girls from the seventies, most looked like me: white girls with mousy brown hair._

The next time she looked up was when Marielle nudged her in the ribs. Giving a glower she mouthed “what?” before noting that the classroom was already empty aside from the two girls, her TA, and a boy in a snapback who was talking animatedly with her in the back of the room.

“Oh.” Camila blushed, marking her page before putting her laptop into her backpack.

“Yeah, you were really into that book, weren’t you?” The taller girl laughed.

“Maybe a little.” She bit her lip.

Her friend surveyed the cover of the novel. “ _The Lovely Bones?_ Hmm. I had to read that for English in high school. I didn’t really like it. The book starts with her already dead. Why even bother if she’s already dead, ya know? You can’t do anything.” 

“I kind of like it. It’s interesting to start at the end and make it into a new beginning.” The Latina shrugged. “Besides, I never got the chance to read it when I was younger.”

“You sound like an asshole philosophy major.” The taller girl teased.

“Sorry.” Camila bit her lip.

“Come on, let’s get outta here.” Her friend said, helping her out and tossing the book into her bag, linking their arms as they left the room.

Camila gave a quick glance behind her at her TA who looked over the boy’s shoulder to give her a quick wave before returning her attention back to the other student.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 11**

Lauren had finally decided on the word “kick” for the third week’s word-essay. Mostly because she was getting a kick out of Keaton and also the fact that she couldn’t kick her roommate’s implications from of her thoughts.

When she had finished taking attendance, she retrieved her phone from its usual spot in her boot and sent out a group text to the girls asking if they were interested in going to MexiCasa, already knowing that the answer would be yes. Throughout the class period, her phone buzzed as one by one each girl agreed to join for Margarita Monday, the model agreeing only to go if Lauren promised to “hold her shit together.” The TA smirked as she texted back in agreement to do so.

Other than the few text messages, she felt her mind begin to wander back to her student that was now trying to hide her book behind her laptop as she continued turning page after page, completely engrossed in the novel that Lauren had lent her the night before. She was surprised when she noticed just how far the girl already had progressed into the book. She had just given it to her less than twenty-four hours ago. Either she was a fast reader, or she was just skimming it.

Lauren lifted her gaze to observe the student’s profile, her brown eyes darting back and forth as they read at lightning speed. She noticed that the girl’s hair wasn’t actually all black but an extremely dark shade of brown that her eyebrows were a bit thicker in the middle then thinned out as they neared her hairline. She spent an admittedly abnormal amount of time just sitting and watching the student until Keaton had approached her right as Pierce had dismissed the class.

“Hey.” He greeted, flipping his hair in a very pre-pubescent Bieber-like manner, his backpack slung half-open over his shoulder. Lauren stifled a giggle.

“Hi.” She blushed. “So I was thinking MexiCasa for margaritas.” She suggested. “You’re 21, right?”

“Yeah. How’d you know?” Her student asked.

“Student profile on CMW.” She explained.

“Oh, so you’ve been stalking me?” Keaton winked playfully.

“No. I just…”her cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

“It’s ok.” He cut off. “I’m just kidding. MexiCasa sounds great.” He laughed with a brilliant smile. Lauren admired how straight and white his teeth were. It was a nice smile, the TA decided. She caught movement from behind the boy, noticing that Camila and her friend, Marielle, the TA remembered from the class roster, were gathering their things about to head out.

Their eyes met and the TA felt her heart lurch for a second. She raised her hand giving the younger girl a small wave before returning her attention back to the blond in front of her.

“My roommates and some friends are going to meet us there.” She explained. The blond nodded, helping her collect the rest of her things before the two left the room, shutting off the light behind them.

The bar was fine, nothing special, nothing crazy. She behaved herself and drank just enough to get a nice buzz without overdoing it. Lucy and Vero  were inside on the dance floor with Alexa while Normani and her on-and-off-again boyfriend, Arin, stayed outside on the balcony with Lauren and Keaton.

“So, Keaton.” The dancer began. “How do you like main campus?”

“Not bad.” The blond shrugged, taking a gulp of the margarita in his hand. “Definitely a lot bigger than I expected. It makes it a little harder to meet people.”

The TA nodded in agreement. “Well, at least you have a few more friends now.” She smiled.

“Maybe more than friends.” He leaned in, whispering so only she could hear, his hot breath hitting ear. The brunette took a small step back, inching a bit closer to her roommate.

“Alright, Keats.” She tried to laugh it off. “I think you should stop drinking for a bit.”

“No way.” The blond challenged. “Come on, do a shot with me.”

The TA looked nervously at her roommate who gave her an encouraging smile, completely misreading her expression.

“On me.”  He insisted.

“Go on, Lo. We’ll be right here when you get back.” She encouraged.

Reluctantly, she followed the boy inside and proceeded to do a shot of tequila with him.  

“Only one though.” She heard her roommate call after them. “Laur doesn’t handle tequila well.”

\---

After class had ended, Camila and Marielle returned to the Latina’s dorm, noticing that Dinah was still asleep. Her friend occupied the younger girl’s desk to attend to her assignments for the week.

“I really hate you for not having homework like ever.” The taller girl rolled her eyes, throwing another textbook on the floor.

Camila smiled sympathetically. She did indeed have homework, but she was the type of person to do all of, or at least the majority of it, on the weekend beforehand so that she could relax during the week. Why have two days to relax when you could have five? She knew that her logic was different than 99% of the people on the planet, but it worked for her.

She positioned herself to lie on her stomach, propped on her elbows as she shuffled through her bag that was lying at the foot of her bed, one hand searching blindly until it came in contact with what she was looking for. She pulled out the blue book, flipping it through the last page she had been reading and escaped into 1970s Pennsylvania.

Before long she had reached the end of the book, finding that the normally few blank pages in the back of the book had been occupied with a familiar scrawl that she had seen written on the black board of her English class over the past few weeks. There was no denying it was Lauren’s handwriting. She must have written post-thoughts after she had finished reading. Camila wondered if it would be inappropriate to pry into the TA’s mind and read her reflection but she couldn’t help herself. Her eyes were like magnets, drawn back to the page as she began to read over the elegant script.

 _Do you ever wonder what it’s like to be dead? Maybe not actually dead, but when there’s no light in your eyes, everyone else is gone, or you find no reason to actually keep living, but you’re still just kind of here? You’re alive, but not really_   _living_ _… that limbo state in between wanting to be dead and wanting to find a purpose to not be dead. You’re here and breathing, but it doesn’t feel like a breath, your lungs aren’t really filling to capacity, and you’re stuck…_

_Ok fast forward now. What happens when you actually do die? Who will come to your funeral? And would you actually want them there? It’s not like you can stop them from coming. That’s helplessness even in death. People think that when you die, you become this infinite being, or rather, thing (being probably isn’t the right word… entity maybe?) But still, no matter how angry you get that X person had the nerve to show up to your viewing… would you be surprised to know that that certain someone came to see you? That you influenced his/her life more than you know? Or maybe you thought things were over (pun not intended) between you two, but somehow, they still held on to your memory and came to see you._

_I think that’s why dying is my biggest fear, but will also eventually, probably, become my biggest relief. (Depending on the circumstances.) If something were to happen to me, and I would die prematurely (not from old age or impending sickness, but just suddenly) I wouldn’t know what to do, not that I really could do anything because my life will have ended anyway._

_But there are so many things to fear about death. What happens to those you left behind? The ones you thought would leave this world before you, but instead, you’ve left them abandoned to fend for themselves._

_Did you die with regrets? How many things will you have wished you had done or said to someone before you left this life? And by you, I obviously am referring to myself, because this is my fear, and my death we’re hypothetically talking about. But still… my biggest fear is dying without having made some type of impact. I don’t want to be 1 in 7 billion. I want to have been at least memorable in some way… maybe._

_What if I die without having lived my life with a purpose? What if, assuming there is life after death, I end up asking myself “Was your existence substantial enough to change a life with your death? Did you change enough lives?” And what if the answer is no? I will have lived for nothing, even if I thought I had something to live for._

The Latina rolled over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling as she processed the junior’s heavy words. She wondered if the TA was right. It was an interesting perspective and Camila wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. One thing she did know was that if Lauren were to die, she would want to be at that funeral just to tell her that she had made a difference in her life and probably many of the other students in her class. No matter how small, Camila liked to think that there was always some sort of impact, hopefully positive, that every teacher had on his or her students. She had this hope for herself and the students that took lessons from her.

 “You wanna get food?” Her friend looked up, nodding her head at the digital clock that was sitting on the desk next to her. “I’m kind hungry. Besides, I need a break from this homework.”

“Sounds good.” She nodded. “We should probably wake Dinah too.” She acknowledged her roommate snoring softly with her lips slightly parted as she breathed easily.

“DINAH JANE!” The Latina yelled. “AYE YO CHEECHEE!” She shouted again, tossing a pillow from her bed at her roommate, missing the bed by a good two feet. She sighed, trying again, this time successfully hitting the sleeping Tongan in the face. She shot up immediately, putting two fists in the air instinctively.

“YO! Who’s asking for a polybeatdown?” She threatened, before glancing around her, noting her surroundings. “Oh.” She smiled bashfully.

The two girls burst into a fit of laughter. “Good morning to you too, Dinah.” Marielle mused. “Or should I say, good night.”

“What time is it?” The Togan asked, looking out the window of their dormitory to the dark night sky.

“Pushing 7.” The Latina responded.

“I slept _all_ day?” Her roommate’s eyes widened. Camila nodded.

“You wanna get some food? You haven’t eaten anything since last night.” The tallest girl nodded gratefully and the three scampered off toward the dining hall.

Camila hobbled down the sidewalk between her two friends, holding her stomach as she groaned dramatically. “I’m going to explode.” She whined.

“No one told you to eat that sixth slice.” The Togan berated, licking the ice cream cone she had gotten as desert from the dining hall.

“But it just looked so lonely.” Camila defended. “I just wanted it to have a happy home with the rest of its pizza family.”

“You are so weird.” Marielle tittered, Dinah immediately nodding in agreement.

“Hey!” Camila pouted. “You two are just as weird.”

“I don’t know, Mila.” The brunette pressed. “I’m pretty sure you outweird us.”

“That’s not even a word.” The Latina grumbled.

Their argument was interrupted by drunken slurs from a group of students approaching the trio from the opposite direction.

“Hey mamacita, why don’t you come on over here?” A shaggy blond catcalled before flinging an arm the girl next to him. She had beautiful flowing brown hair and was dressed in a familiar outfit and combat boots. Camila’s eyes widened as she made eye contact with the girl. _Lauren?_

“Keats,” Lauren slapped his arm. “You can’t do that. That’s Camila.”

“Hey.” The group of friends greeted, Normani and Dinah engaging in idle chatter on the side.

“Camila…” He slurred, obviously passed a functional level of intoxication. “We have English together, yeah?”

The Latina nodded. “With Marielle.” She confirmed, gesturing to her friend standing next to her. “And Dinah.” She pointed over at the two dance team members.

“Hmm. You’re all hot.” He blurt out. “You’re hot.” He continued, taking a sloppy step toward the Latina before being pulled back by the junior. 

“Keaton!” The TA scolded. 

“Lauren’s got dibs.” Alexa let out a teasing laugh.

“Oh my god. Shut up.” The TA drunkenly whined, turning red.

“It’s ok.” The Latina played along. “Sorry, Keaton, but Alexa’s right. Lauren was my first kiss. She’s got a special place in my heart.”

“Whoa, wait what?” Her roommate’s ears perked up just as Lauren’s eyes widened. “Excuse me.”

“First kiss?” She shuffled over to the group, Normani following close behind.

“Umm…” Camila felt her cheeks burning. “I’ll explain later.” She whispered.

“Nice seeing you guys.” She said awkwardly. “But we should really get back.” She excused, gesturing to her friends who watched the scene play out in amusement, neither of them moving. “Now.” Camila emphasized, grabbing the two girls’ arms, dragging them away.

“Well, that was interesting.” Marielle piped when the group was out of earshot.

“I’ll say. I didn’t even know she was into girls.” Dinah added. “Your first kiss?” She emphasized. “I saw you put your finger down at the party but I thought you were too drunk to realize it or something. I can’t believe it’s real. And I’m the last to find out about this, why?”

“It didn’t even count.” Camila defended. “She was drunk and it was like weeks ago.”

“Weeks?!” Both friends shouted at the same time.

“Umm, it was the first week of classes.” She blushed, looking down at the ground nervously. Marielle seemed to sense the girl’s discomfort and skewed the discussion elsewhere.

“Are you weirded out?” She asked earnestly concerned for her friend.

“Surprisingly…” Camila looked up with a sigh. “Not really. I guess it’s kind of flattering.”

“Would you date her?” her roommate asked, now with a genuine interest in the subject.

“Well, I don’t know about _that_.” The Latina laughed. “She is my TA, after all.”

“True, true.” Marielle nodded.

“Ooo! This is like some Pretty Little Liars thing.” Dinah squealed. “The student teacher forbidden romance is so juicy.” The conversation had gone from awkward, to embarrassing, and now completely unrealistic.

“Dinah Jane, I will smack you.” The Latina rolled her eyes.

“Hell no you won’t.” The tallest girl shot back. “Don’t mess with DJ.”

Camila simply chuckled as they finally made their way back to the dorm. She noticed her phone that had been lying on her bed was now lit up signaling that she had either missed a phone call or received a text message. It was from her TA.

_Lauren: Hey, I’m really sorry about earlier. Keaton was too drunk to know what he was saying._

She smiled at the fact that the brunette was kind enough to send her an apology on behalf of the blond’s behavior.

_Camila: Don’t worry about it. Dinah and Marielle were certainly amused. Did you guys go out tonight?_

_Lauren: Yeah, Margarita Mondays at MexiCasa. When you turn 21, I’ll take you. It’s fun! :)_

_Camila: I feel like I should avoid it, just based on observation.:P_

_Lauren: Lol! You do have a point._

Just when she thought the conversation was over, her phone vibrated again.

_Lauren: So umm… I was your first kiss, huh? I feel like a jerk for kind of just taking it like that. I wasn’t even sober for it. I’m sorry.:/_

_Camila: It’s alright. It kind of feels good to get it over with. Now I don’t have to worry about it .:)_

_Lauren: Such a positive attitude. :)  I approve! No but really, I’m sorry._

_Camila: Lauren, really. It’s fine. :) Don’t worry!_

_Lauren: Alright. I’ll make it up to you. I don’t know how just yet, but I will._

_Camila: I’ll hold you to it .:)_

“What are you smiling at like a cheeky monkey?” Marielle raised a questioning brow.

“Just texting Lauren back.” She shrugged.

“You have her number too?” Her roommate gasped. “Seriously, how long did I sleep for?”

“It’s actually 2049.” Camila laughed, sticking her tongue out at the Togan who returned the gesture.

The Latina’s phone vibrated one more time and she felt herself blushing at the short text.

_Lauren: ;)_

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questioning everything... including herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 12**

Lauren woke up the next morning to an unexpected invitation from Camila asking her to join her for lunch, as long as her schedule allowed for it. The TA sent back a confirmation text to her student and spent her first class in anticipation of their lunch date.

When she walked into the library café, Camila had already arrived and was seated at a small table, earbuds in as she gazed distantly out the window. Lauren took a moment to admire the girl’s serene appearance, soft brown eyes, skin glowing in the rays of the sun. She had a small cup of either coffee or tea in front of her and Lauren recognized her copy of _The Lovely Bones_ resting on the table as her fingers drummed lightly on the front cover.

“Hey” The TA smiled after finally approaching the daydreaming student. She set her bag on the floor, pulling out the chair in front of the girl she had just been observing. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

“No, no.” Camila shook her head, hastily removing the small buds from her ears only to get them caught in her hair. Lauren giggled, reaching forward to help untangle the wires from the silky strands, her hand accidentally brushing against the younger girl’s cheek causing them both to blush.

“Thanks.” Camila gave a timid smile once she was freed. Lauren returned it with an equally shy grin, ducking her head timorously.

“So… what’s up?” Lauren asked cautiously. She wasn’t quite sure why Camila had texted her, asking to meet up. But nonetheless, she was excited. Not that she wanted to see overeager, she just enjoyed the girl’s company.

“I finished the book last night.” Her student said proudly.

“That was fast.” Lauren’s gasped, unable to hide her surprise.

“I umm... sorry?” Camila apologized causing Lauren to giggle.

“No.” She placed a reassuring hand on the younger girl’s arm. “I’m impressed.”

“Oh.” The brown-eyed girl blushed. “Thanks.”

“So…” Lauren prompted.

“I read what you wrote in the back of the book.” Camila suddenly blurted, pushing the book towards her as if she had just been caught trying to steal it. “I’m sorry if it was personal. I just…”

“Whoa!” Lauren chuckled. “It’s alright.” She assured, taking the book and opening it to the inside of the back cover, her eyes skimming over the words. She had written that years ago when she first read the book in high school.

“Honestly, I completely forgot I even wrote it.” She continued. “It was a long time ago.”

“Well I, umm, I just wanted to say that you have made a difference in someone’s life.” Camila mumbled blushingly.

“Thanks.” Lauren gave a bashful appreciation. “Did you like the book?”

“Loved it.” Camila nodded, launching into a passionate discussion of her own take away from the novel. Lauren sat and watched as the girl’s eyes came alive, her hands moving animatedly as she spoke.  She nodded along, loving Camila’s outlook on life, love, and finding true happiness.

Before she knew it they had moved on from topic to topic, completely losing track of time. Lauren was holding her stomach as she gasped for air, her muscles aching from laughter.

“I can’t believe you called your camp counselor a son of a bitch!” She said between breaths. Camila had just finished telling her about the first swear word she ever learned. She had been watching a movie and the main character had teasingly called another one character a “son of a bitch.” Like all young children that engage in observational learning, Camila had tried to use the phrase on someone else, assuming it was a term of endearment.

“I didn’t know what it meant!” The student defended, her bottom lip jutting out in a pout. “And everyone else was laughing.”

“You were such a rebel.” Lauren teased, wiping the tears from her eyes, beginning to calm herself down. When she looked up, Camila’s puppy dog face had softened and their eyes locked briefly until a clatter from behind the café counter caused her to look away. Noticing the clock on the wall, Camila sat up, suddenly alert.

“Shoot!” She apologized. “I have to go. I’m going to be late for class.” She rushed, slinging her bag frantically over her shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Definitely.” Lauren nodded as she watched Camila spin rapidly on her heels and was out the door.

The rest of the week passed easily enough for Lauren. She had spent most of her time completing various course work for her classes and hanging out with her roommates until they became a bit too much to handle. She would then retreat to her room, turning the pages of the latest novel she was reading.

Between all this, sometimes she would text Keaton. They would exchange greetings and small talk but nothing more. He was a nice kid and Lauren liked talking to him, but she couldn’t get passed seeing him as a friend. Something about him was just lacking. So whenever he tried to send a flirty text message, she would always respond with the most neutral reply, not wanting to lead the boy on.

Sometimes she would text Camila. They would get into animated discussions about big things, life philosophies, morals. Other times they would joke around and tell each other funny stories from their pasts. Conversations came more easily for them than it did between her and Keaton.

On Saturday morning, Lauren awoke, one hand searching blindly until her fingers connected with the object she had been searching for. Placing the glasses on the bridge of her nose, she yawned before reaching down to scoop her laptop off the floor. Tussling her bedhead, she launched her web browser, routinely checking all forms of social media before making her rounds on CMW, making sure to save the word essay she was most interested in for last.

_Kick_

_It’s interesting how the action of “kicking” becomes the noun “kick” once the action has been completed. You literally “kick a kick.”_

_Refocusing back to the word in general, the obvious thing would be to write about kicking a ball, most likely a soccer ball and then branching off onto a tangent of some sport that I find interesting. Sadly, or maybe not so sadly, I never played a sport. I’ve always joked that I don’t play sports, I play instruments. But I have been kicked before. It was rather painful, too. My little sister kicked me plenty of times when she threw a temper tantrum, her eyes filled with tears because she didn’t get the last cookie or something along the lines of the same trivial matter. She has since grown out of that phase, thankfully. But that always makes me wonder… Do you ever think about the concept of pain and how weird it is?_

_When we are young, and scrape our knees, no matter how small the cut, we wail out in pain, crying hysterically and probably drive our parents, attempting to console is, up a wall. Yet we can watch a movie with a deer’s mother dying and not shed a tear (mostly because we don’t have the cognitive ability to comprehend the concept of death)._

_Fast forward to puberty and suddenly we are completely numb to the pain that results from physical injury, but heartache becomes a hundred times more painful. If you had to choose, you’d pick 1000 knee scrapes over the pain of just one sad situation. Suddenly pain is not physical. It’s emotional. Rejection. Death. Humiliation. Anger. And the feelings you have associated with “pain” is magnified._

Suddenly, she felt her stomach lurch at the thought of the beautiful girl as she imagined her sitting in front of her laptop, a stack of books piled by her side as she typed away, delicate fingers gracing over the keys. She adored her mind and admired her ability to think so beautifully.

Something had started brewing in the back of Lauren’s mind; an idea that her roommates had planted and was now magnifying the more she interacted with the girl. She was now hyperaware of her actions and wanted to get her mind off things before she started to overanalyze their friendship.

Lauren clicked the red envelope so as to avoid the urge to comment again on the student’s writing.

_Lauren,_

_I’m terribly sorry to do this but I received a last-minute invitation to attend a conference in Chicago. I will be meeting with members of the English departments of various schools all over the country to discuss the implementation of new literary programs and study abroad options._

_Unfortunately, because this was a last-moment decision, I was unable to schedule a flight back in time for Monday’s class so I am asking that you please take my place in teaching for the day. The reading assignment was “Password,” which I recall you having a greatly insightful class discussion about when you had read it in class._

_I have faith that you will do a fantastic job of playing devil’s advocate. Take a Socratic approach and lead them to “why.” Avoid groupthink._

_Again, I am terribly sorry to put this on you so hastily, but I have no doubt that you will carry the class    wonderfully._

_Have a great rest of your weekend!_

_-Professor Pierce_

\---                                                                                                                                                                                                          

By the fourth week of classes, Camila had learned the routines and habits of each of her professors. Walker would always tap his pointer finger on the side of his leg when the class wasn’t responding and he felt nervous. Baker always focused his attention on the first two rows of the class and nowhere else. She made sure to sit in the back or at least the middle of the room. Carter didn’t really seem to care about anything and just read the lecture slides word for word directly from the screen of his tablet. Johnston and Decker didn’t even seem to care whether or not the students were paying them any attention. And then there was Pierce, who was too caught up in his own world to even notice whether or not anyone was listening. He was too excited about his own thoughts to have them bring him down as he happily rambled in front of the class.

After jotting down the word essay for the week, she had opened her laptop as always, hiding the latest book she had borrowed from her TA behind the screen, fully expecting to have the period just to relax and get lost in the novel.

To her surprise, instead of sitting back down after she had set the chalk down, she watched as Lauren made her way to the podium.

“Professor Pierce had to go to a last-minute conference,” Lauren explained as the buzzing of chatter died down. “So I’ll be teaching today.”

Camila replaced her bookmark, shutting the book softly and setting it aside. In her peripherals she noticed Marielle raise an eyebrow at her uncharacteristic behavior but she didn’t mind. Her eyes were on Lauren, giving the girl her undivided attention and support.

“So, today’s reading was about a 1920s work that was an extremely controversial piece of the time.” Lauren continued. “Does anyone want to give a quick summary of the story?”

A small blond at the front of the room raised her hand and Lauren nodded for her to continue. “It’s about a woman who snuck out to go to a speakeasy and falls in love with the flapper in charge of the place even though she has a husband.”

“Good, Mikaila.” Lauren nodded giving the girl an encouraging smile. Camila wondered why Lauren knew the girl’s name, feeling a pang of… was that jealousy? Before realizing that as a TA it was expected that she put names to faces eventually. She mentally scolded herself for being so irrational with her sudden spike of feelings.

“Let’s start off the discussion pretty easily.” The TA offered, removing the thick-rimmed glasses from the collar of her shirt and placing them on her nose as she shuffled with the papers in front of her.  “What do the main character’s gloves symbolize?”  She asked, opening the floor to the class.

A boy in the row in front of her raised his hand.

“Go ahead.” Lauren smiled. “You don’t need to raise your hand with me. It’s weird. I’m like the same age as all of you.” She urged, now addressing the entire room. “Just jump in when you have something you want to say. When you discuss things with your friends you don’t need to raise your hand.” She said with a friendly tone.

The boy nodded before responding. “She can’t be herself until she’s alone or with her lover because that is where she truly discovers herself.” Lauren shook her head in agreement at first, a smirk slowly creeping on her face.

“Was she really herself though?” The TA questioned, her green-eyes shined playfully. “Because the first time they did anything was when she was drunk.”

“That was actually just the first time they had sex though.” A mousy brunette piped in. “When she was still being denied in the beginning for not knowing the password, she was sober. She could have given up but she kept coming back.”

Camila observed Lauren’s body language, her features relaxed and musing. “But why did she keep coming back?” The TA prompted. “For the alcohol? The flapper? Or to get away from her husband?”

“Well, just go off that,” another voice from the back of the room offered, “Even after she got in, she still came back.

“True.” Lauren pointed a finger in acknowledgment of the statement. “So I ask again, why did she keep coming back after she got in? For the girl? The alcohol? Or to get away from her husband?”

The class was silent.

“Ok. How about this?” She continued. “Does anyone think that the main character loved or at some point did love her husband?”

“He gave her everything and they were happy before.” A boy in the back of the room said. Camila recognized him as Keaton from a few nights ago. “She’s ungrateful.” He added, rolling his eyes. Something about the way he arrogantly spat the last part of his statement caught Camila’s attention and before she knew it she was spurting out her own objection.

“Socrates says that you can’t really know love until you know hate.” She presented. “You can’t have one thing without the other. Maybe she didn’t know she was attracted to women until she was with one.” Her eyes met Lauren’s playful ones and she could have sworn she saw something flash across them. But just as quickly as it had appeared, the TA was back to her same pensive self.

“But she was with her friend and her house servants were all female.” Lauren speculated. “So if you’re saying that, are you saying she should or should not be attracted to all women?”

“Maybe she was just attracted to her as a person, mentally or emotionally.” Camila responded evenly. “Like you said, you have to have an experience, a lack of something, to realize that you want the opposite of it.” She pointed out, bringing up the TA’s own argument. “So we’re looking at it from a physical point of view, male and female. But in terms of other connections, maybe she was attracted to her because of the mental and emotional connection that she didn’t have with her husband.”

“Great point!” Lauren smiled softly, but continued to play devil’s advocate. “So then do you think that what she did was ultimately right?”

“Right to her heart, maybe, yes.” Another student engaged. “But considering the time period and societal norms, no.”

“But doesn’t that mean that we’d have to accept the norms are ultimately right?” The TA baited, a bold eyebrow raised as she prodded. Again the class was silent as they considered her viewpoint.

“Let’s step back.” She continued. “Do you believe that today’s rules are the ultimate governance of what’s right?”

“Well does right mean good? And does wrong mean bad? Because what one person may think is right for them might be wrong for someone else.” One of the boys to her left stated.

“I think that in the end the point isn’t whether something good is right or something bad is wrong, those are subjective.” Camila pointed out. “It ultimately comes down to questioning everything, neither accepting what we know as good or bad, right or wrong. Don’t accept but don’t dismiss. Just question.”

Camila finished, watching as Lauren looked at her, beaming with pride.

“Exactly.” She agreed, their eyes locking, the room suddenly feeling empty, as if it were just to two of them talking. They were brought out of their staring contest by a cough from the side of the room.

It seemed as though their discussion had come to a conclusion. She watched Lauren lift a toned leg, reaching into her boot to retrieve her phone. Camila couldn’t help but smile at the peculiar hiding place.

“Alright so since Pierce isn’t here,” The green-eyed girl smirked. “Would anyone be against me letting you out fifteen minutes early?”

A chorus of no’s echoed around the room, accompanied by a few cheers.

“Alright! That settles it.” She affirmed as the class bustled with chatter. “Great discussion today, guys. Have a good day!” She dismissed with a wave.

Camila, along with the rest of the students, began to pack up her belongings. She then felt light smack on her forearm.

“What was that all about?” Dinah kinked a brow. “You never talk in class.”

“You never even look up from the book in your lap.” Marielle added.

“Nothing.” Camila shrugged, trying to play it off. “I just liked the assignment for today.”

“It was about a lesbian affair.” Her best friend scrunched her nose up disapprovingly.

“I don’t know.” Her roommate posed. “It was a little heavy but oh so _scandalous_.” She said, exaggerating the word “scandalous” as she theatrically placed a hand over her mouth.

“You know, sometimes I think you’re dorkier than me.” The Latina giggled.

“Rude!” Dinah shot back, releasing a fake, exasperated gasp.

“Hey.” A husky voice greeted them. She was so caught up in Dinah’s performance that she hadn’t even noticed Lauren had approached them. “Nice point today.” She complimented.

“Thanks. You’re a good teacher.” She praised, nudging the junior’s arm lightly.

“Yeah?” Lauren smiled good-naturedly. “I noticed you actually paid attention to the lecture today.” She teased lightheartedly. “Usually you have your nose buried in your book… or should I say… _my_ book.”

“Hey!” She said in fake offense.

“Kidding.” The TA laughed. “So, any fun plans after class today?”

“Pretty Little Liars is on.” Dinah cut in. For a second, Camila had momentarily forgotten that they weren’t alone. “We watch it religiously.”

“It’s tradition.” Marielle chimed in.

“Oh. Mani, Alexa, and I watch it too.” Lauren admitted. “I blame Normani for getting me into it. She kept talking about Shay Mitchell and I just had to see what all the hype was about. Do you guys maybe want to come over and watch it?”

“Would it be weird hanging out with your TA?” Her best friend asked hesitantly.

“Nah.” Lauren assured. “DJ and Camz have already partied it up at my place before.”

“Yeah” Dinah laughed. “That party was hella sick!”

“More like _you_ were hella sick.” Camila teased.

“Oh whatever.” Her roommate rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the junior. “We’ll be there.”

“Sweet. I’ll see you then.” Green-eyes winked. “Just shoot me or Mani a text before you head over.”

“Will do.” They promised before parting separate ways.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends cuddle, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 13**

After class ended, Lauren made her rounds, checking to make sure the class room was presentable before shutting off the lights and making her way to her office for office hours. Crossing her legs comfortably, she placed her elbows on the bottom corner of each page, holding the book open so that she could rest her head in the palms of her hands as she read. After a few dozen pages, she picked up her phone, instinctually sending a text to her book buddy.

 _Big Brother terrifies me. :/_ She texted.

 _Poor Winston. :(_ Her phone buzzed in response. She smiled at the fact that Camila got her reference. The device buzzed again a few seconds later and the TA looked up from her book to see a longer text bubble underneath Camila’s previous response.

_Makes you wonder if we’re being brainwashed today; how the television just sort of takes over our minds. We’re being conditioned to think certain ways about certain things because of the huge impact that technology has on us. Did you know that there are only a few major corporations that dominate all news media we see?_

At this point, Lauren completely disregarded her reading and began texting a full-on conversation with the sophomore. Lately, this was how her conversations with the student had been progressing; from a small thought into an elaborate discussion of all types of things.

_Yes! Surprisingly, Disney is one of them. They have a globalized monopoly on us from childhood to adulthood. Does that mean that the only people with creative minds are the ones who make things up in their own heads? Defying social norms? They’re the “hippies” that people say live alone in the woods and are borderline insane?_

It took a few minutes before she received another text from the student. _Beethoven and Einstein were considered mad during their time periods, but also regarded as geniuses of their time by people today. But in another context, something like music composition, thought of being a creative skill, is actually a well thought out procedure. If you want a major chord, you simply raise the third and fifth note from the base note and you get a “happy sound.” If you want a minor chord, choose the fourth interval instead of the fifth._

 _Interesting_. Lauren responded. She didn’t know what else to write because music was not her forte. _Pun not intended_ , she thought to herself. She wanted to type something else, but she didn’t know what else to response. The possibility of their conversation ending so suddenly left a void in Lauren that she couldn’t quite comprehend the reason for. She was taken aback when she heard her phone vibrate against the wooden desk.

_Very. :) It’s quite systematic. Each chord progression follows a concept known as the “Circle of Fifths.” The tempo is structured and kept in time. You count each note mathematically and each section of music is divided into specific measurements that coincide with the overall speed of the piece. Maybe for absolute creativity, you need a type of rule or structure to base things on or else it’s just plain chaos. Or maybe that means there’s no such thing as creativity at all. :/_

The idea baffled the TA as she leaned back in her chair, placing her glasses on her head before rubbing her face with her hands. She allowed the idea to roll around in her brain for a while before fully sinking in. _I’d rather believe in the former._

 _Agreed! :)_ Camila typed back. Now the ball was in Lauren’s court. She could let the conversation end, but she didn’t want to. Camila’s philosophies were enlightening and Lauren wanted to know more about the things that were in the beautiful girl’s head.

_Have you ever heard of the concept of the universal mind? What if we’re all just a part of the same mind and our thoughts are just a portion of some greater being’s mind that is broken up amongst the7 billion people on the planet?_

_Originality: we have no original thought because we are shaped by those around us. As a result, we are just pieces of other people who are also pieces of other people. :P_ The sophomore defined.

 _Exactly! :P_ Lauren audibly laughed, appreciating the cynical sense of humor the student conveyed.

 _Or that the world is completely coded and we’re just players in a greater being’s game? And when we start to think our own thoughts and have emotions, it’s just a glitch in the coding?_ The TA responded.

 _Mhmm. Terrifying concepts._ The text message agreed. _Why are we talking about this?! I’ve got chills._

 _Haha, sorry :(_ Lauren apologized.

 _No. I’m just kidding. :) It’s nice to talk about something less trivial sometimes. Not saying that I don’t enjoy superficial conversations either. :P_ Camila responded rapidly, with two emoticons, Lauren noticed.

_LOL! :)_

Her phone chimed again. _Oh god! I wasn’t insinuating that you’re superficial! I’m sorry!_

Lauren couldn’t help but giggle at the panic that had translated through the text. _Haha! Calm down, Camz. I wasn’t thinking of it that way._

_Oh. Ok. Sorry :/_

_Stop apologizing! It’s fine :)_

_Okay. :)_

_Okay :)_

_Are you trying to pull an Augustus Waters on me?_ Lauren found herself again smiling at the literary reference.

_I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, so no._

_Good. :) How’re office hours?_

_The same. No one ever really shows up._ Just as she pressed send, there was a knock on the door. _Ironically, someone just knocked on the door literally a second after I sent that._ She added.

_Foreshadowing. :P I’ll leave you to it. See you soon! :)_

“It’s open.” She called out as the door swung open.

“Hey, Laur.” The dirty blond grinned, leaning against the door frame in a poor attempt to be smooth. Lauren chuckled to herself.

“Hey, Keaton.” The TA greeted. “What brings you to my office?”

“I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out again tonight.” The student asked, rubbing the back of his neck in a boyishly cute manner.

“Actually, I have plans to meet up with some other people later tonight.” Lauren apologized. “But you can stay here and hang for the next…” She paused, glancing at the time. “Twenty minutes until my office hours end.”

The boy nodded, accepting the offer, settling himself in the chair across from her. “So what’re you reading?” He tilted his head at the book that Lauren had rested her hands on.

“1984.” Lauren responded, holding up the book and facing it toward him so that he could see the cover.

“Ugh.” Keaton scrunched his nose distastefully. “I had to read that in high school.” He grumbled. “I hated it.”

“It’s not for everybody.” She replied evenly, shrugging her shoulders, trying not to take the boy’s opinion personally.

“So…” Keaton grinned goofily.

“So?” Lauren raised an eyebrow.

“Do you wanna go out some time?” He asked boldly. Under any other circumstance, Lauren would have said yes in a heartbeat. Keaton was the typical handsome, smooth-talking boy with lots of charm and a nice smile. Had it been last semester, it would have been an easy decision to say yes to. But something inside was tugging at her gut and she hesitated. She found Keaton attractive, that was no lie. But there was something lacking in his character; something that she wanted mentally, emotionally; something that she just wasn’t feeling.

“Look, Keaton” Lauren ran her fingers through her hair. “You’re a really cool kid and I like hanging out with you.” She said, picking her words carefully. “I think you’re awesome but I don’t want to lead you on.” She stated.

“Damn.” Keaton frowned. “I should’ve known. You have a boyfriend already, don’t you?”

Lauren blushed. “I… umm…” The TA was unsure of how to respond.

“It’s cool.” He chuckled, trying to play off his hurt expression. “I’ll catch you later.” He said, standing from his seat. “See ya!” He gave a quick wink, shooting her a gun hand gesture, clicking his tongue.

Once the door closed, she let out a heavy breath, slamming her head onto the paperback on the desk with a groan. She let her eye close for the rest of the time, thankful that no one else came to visit.

And then it hit her. It was just as Camila had brought up in class. Lauren was the main character, Keaton was the husband, and Camila was the flapper. Something was drawing Lauren to her and it wasn't on a physical level, but an emotional and mental one.  _Foreshadowing_.

\---

“Toss me one.” Lauren called after her roommate who was now retreating to the kitchen. Alexa immerged a few seconds later with a handful of apples, quickly tossing one to each of her roommates, each girl catching the fruit skillfully.

“Dinah?” Alexa offered, holding her hand out in the position to give it an underhand toss.

“Nah,” Dinah shook her head. “Thanks though.” She smiled gratefully, squirming to make herself comfortable on the couch next to the older dancer who was now munching on the apple, biting into it with a crisp crunching sound.

“Camila?” Lauren turned her attention to the girl who was now sitting at the edge of the couch. Camila nodded but soon retreated, shielding her face with her hands when the girl tossed the apple in her direction. Lauren reacted just in time to stop the fruit from hitting the girl in the face, chuckling at the student’s behavior.

“Here.” Her TA said, placing the apple safely in Camila’s lap, patting her knee lightly to get her to remove her hands from her face.

“Umm, thanks.” Camila mumbled, blushing in embarrassment.

“You know, you’re supposed to catch it.” The TA teased, clearly amused by the student’s reaction to having a projectile thrown in her direction.

“Oh,” Dinah piped in, receiving a glare from the younger Latina which she disregarded as she continued to speak. “Mila can’t catch for shit. In fact, just for future reference, she’s pretty much handicapped when it comes to hand-eye coordination.”

“Hey!” Camila pouted in offense. “That’s not true. I have plenty of hand-eye coordination.” She defended. “I just can’t channel it into sports. I play instruments just fine.”

“What instruments do you play?” Lauren asked curiously. Suddenly Camila felt self-conscious, not wanting to sound too pretentious.

“Piano mostly.” She replied bashfully. “A little guitar too.”

“That’s really cool.” The green-eyed girl complimented.

“Thanks.” Camila blushed modestly, gazing at the apple in her lap to avoid Lauren’s gaze.

“Will you play for me sometime?” The TA nudged her lightly, trying to lighten the mood.

“Nah.” Dinah teased. “Mila don’t play for nobody.”

“Won’t”, “Anybody” Camila and Lauren both correctly automatically. Their eyes met as a grin spread across each girl’s face.

“Alright, alright.” Alexa hushed. “It’s starting!” She pointed out, settling on the floor next to Marielle, leaving Lauren and Camila on the couch. Camila watched as Lauren lowered her glasses from where they were resting on her head, positioning on the bridge of her nose before returning her attention to the television, the light from the screen reflecting off the glass.

“I would go gay for Shay.” Lauren stated nonchalantly when the show’s program cut to a commercial break. She leaned back into the couch, taking a bite from the apple she was holding.

“You’re already pretty gay.” Alexa teased.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” The TA furrowed her brows. Camila turned the apple in her hand nervously. Lauren and her roommates seemed to throw the phrase around rather freely and Camila couldn’t pinpoint why it was having such an odd effect on her. As far as Camila knew, Lauren was straight. _Their kiss has only been an accident, right?_

“Lana, Cara, Dianna need I say more.” Normani accused, rattling off her girl crushes as she counted fingers. _Oh. That’s what she meant._

“Puh-lease.” Lauren shot back. “Your girl crush on Beyoncé is a thousand times worse than any of my girl crushes.”

“Excuse you,” the dancer put a hand on her hip exaggeratedly. “Beyoncé is not a girl. She is a woman.”

“Amen, sistah friend.” Dinah approved, leaning over to high five her fellow dance team member.

“Besides, I can appreciate the female form.” Lauren responded evenly. “Girls can be just as attractive as guys.” She shrugged.

“Feminist.” Alexa rolled her eyes playfully. Camila observed the friendly banter, her eyes tracking back and forth between each girl as she was quick to produce her own cunning remark.

“Equalist.” Lauren shook her head in disagreement.

“What do you think, Camila?” Alexa asked, suddenly redirected her attention to her.

“Umm… I think that… umm…” Camila felt her face burning under the pressure.

“It’s ok, Camz.” Lauren bumped her knee with her own. “Give the girl a break, Alexa.” Her TA defended with a laugh.

“Thanks, Lo.” Camila joked back.

“You’re welcome, boo.” Lauren smiled, giving her arm an affectionate nudge. From the corner of her eye, she caught Marielle staring incredulously at her. She wasn’t sure what exactly sparked the nicknames and joking flirting but her friendship with the TA was growing more comfortable as the days went on. She could only thank their book trading and text conversations for that.

Camila would have never expected to befriend so many new people at once, and definitely not her TA, but here she was, at the girl’s apartment with her roommates, sitting on the couch with her two best friends, all watching Pretty Little Liars. As the program progressed, the group’s posture began to falter. Alexa had leaned back, her head resting against the side of Lauren’s knees. Dinah and Normani had slouched as well, resting their weight against one another. Lauren had sunk into her position on the couch as well, her head now resting on Camila’s shoulder. It was a nice feeling, Camila decided. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Definitely indefinite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 14**

When the three underclassmen had returned to their respective dorm rooms, Camila and Dinah had nestled into their bed, the Tongan with her phone hovering over her face as she scrolled through Pinterest. Camila, on the other hand, was being her typical studious self and had set aside some time after her leisure reading to complete some of the homework she had been assigned earlier; more specifically, the word essay for the week.

_Definite_

_I think it’s ironic that the word “definite” doesn’t actually have a “definite” definition. How do we define something? How do we give it an identity, a universal meaning that is accepted by every single person? We probably can’t.  Someone once told me to question everything. I don’t know if I could do that all the time, it might drive me crazy. But it also makes me wonder, what knowledge do I possess that I can actually define as completely true, pure knowledge? I definitely know my name. But what actually defines us? I am defined as Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao. That’s my identification on my birth certificate, but is that really all that I am? A name? Is my identity definite?_

_When we’re born, we’ve given a name and that’s supposed to make us feel like an “individual.” But how many other people have your same name?  It’s weird to think that something that is literally just an arrangement of letters is meant to define everything that we are.  Even though we’re always changing, growing, our name stays the same (assuming that we don’t legally change it.) But then we’re given nicknames according to other people. My childhood friends call me Karla, but when I got to college I wanted to go by Camila. I wanted to start fresh, with a new “identity.” But that’s not really possible because my name isn’t what defines me. I can’t just erase everything that I am because I am linked to my past and the people who I’ve met that shaped my personality. And what about people who get married? They change their last name. They surrender that past self and get a new name and take up an identity that is a part of someone else; their spouse._

_There’s a difference between what your identity means. Is it based on you or what others think about you? Are we defined by our physical DNA then? But our cells divide and die then are replaced by new ones. Biology has never been my forte, but I know that we shed skin all the time. I know that it’s not possible to say that I am “who I am in my skin” because even that is constantly changing and being lost._

_Maybe we are like fire; it’s the same element, but is constantly changing its shape and intensity. We give it an overall name, “fire”, but we don’t know how to describe it. Maybe change doesn’t always mean something new happens, but that something different happens. Its “new” from the current point, but not necessarily “new” compared to the whole._

_What about those who get a gender change? They have the same DNA, but no longer associate themselves as male or female. Everything that had “defined” them in the past is no longer relevant. Samantha suddenly becomes Sam and Samantha disappears all together. Does that mean she never had an identity but he did? I guess that’s why it’s called a gender identity disorder. But really, why label everything? It seems too complicated._

_In the end, it’s all just words. A word is just a word until it is given some type of substance that gives it meaning. I don’t define myself as just Karla. But I don’t define myself as a meaning either. So what am I? I guess the definition is not definite._

After she had finished her essay, Camila placed her laptop on the desk beside her bed. She glanced over at her roommate who was now snoring softly, the phone still in her hand as it dangled off the edge of the bunk. With a smile, Camila removed the device from the girl’s grasp, plugging it into the charger on her desk, switching out the light. The last thing she could remember before she fell into a peaceful slumber was the feeling of soft flannel and the crystalline green eyes.

\---

When their guests had left, Lauren felt an immediate void in her that she couldn’t quite understand. Currently, she was lying on her back in the darkness of her bedroom, completely under the covers as her mind raced, green eyes transfixed on the ceiling above her but focusing on nothing in specific.  Of course, Lauren being the type of person that she was, she began to overanalyze and question everything that had happened that day from start to finish. She groaned as she rolled over, noting that the sun was now beginning to peek in through her window.

Forcing herself to shut her eyes in hopes of getting a few hours of sleep, she jolted awake a few minutes later, as the memory of Camila sitting next to her crossed her mind. It was warmth she was now missing; Camila’s warmth. An idea flit into her head but she quickly shook it away. It couldn’t be. But the more she tried to avoid the thought, the louder it became in her head.

One thing Lauren wasn’t used to questioning was herself. But now here she was, turning the idea in her mind; an idea that maybe, she might be attracted to her student. It was shocking. Lauren was unsure when her admiration for Camila had become adoration. Of course, there was no denying that Camila was attractive physically, but Lauren thought a lot of girls were attractive. They never caused her to think twice about herself though.

Was it because of the drunk kiss? Or was the kiss initiated because something innately in her knew that she was going to be attracted to the younger girl? _Drunk words speak sober thoughts, right? And actions speak louder than words, right? So drunk actions practically shout sober, potentially subliminal thoughts, right?_

She flopped over, slamming her face into her pillow before letting out another groan. The more she thought about it, the more restless she became. Lauren worried that somehow this new epiphany would jeopardize their friendship. Should she tell Camila what she was feeling or should she just keep quiet? As much as she tried, she was never one to be able to hide her emotions very well. When she felt something, she felt it wholeheartedly.

What would her family think? How would her friends react? How would _Camila_ react? Was Camila even gay, or bisexual even? Lauren couldn’t recall Camila ever explicitly stating her sexual orientation. What was her reaction to the homosexual comments her friends made earlier that night? Or to Vero and Lucy kissing? Lauren couldn’t recall. Why hadn’t she been watching Camila more closely? _Because that’d make you creepy. Oh right, that’s why._

After a sleepless night, the TA made her way to her psychology lecture the next morning, stumbling through her morning routine of getting ready for classes. Relieved when she was finally dismissed from her final class, Lauren made a lazy exit from the lecture hall, dragging her feet clumsily as her boots clunked against the sidewalk. She felt her eyes drooping, getting heavier and heavier with each step that she took.

Lauren was completely unaware of her surroundings when she felt a body collide with her own, waking her zombie-like walk.

“Sorry.” The offender apologized. Lauren recognized that voice.

“Camila?”

But the sophomore had bolted before she could react any further leaving Lauren in a state of confusion. She debated chasing after the girl but something about the way her voice had cracked made her think that maybe she wasn’t the right person to comfort her.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A broken Camila and confused Lauren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 15**

The next morning, Camila took her usual route, slipping quietly from the dorm room and making her way to the music building, snagging her usual practice room and occupying herself with nothing but music for the next few hours. Unfortunately her practice session was cut short by the melody of Pachelbel’s Canon in D. She paused, lifting her delicate fingers from where they were now floating over the smooth black and white keys of the Baldwin piano.

 “Hola Mami…” She greeted, slightly confused by the unexpected phone call from her mother at such an odd hour. If her parents were calling to check up on her it was typically later in the day, after dinner. When she heard the sound of her mother sniffling on the other end of the line, she straightened, suddenly alert.

“Mami, what’s wrong?” she asked urgently. “Are you alright? Is Papi okay? Did something happen?” her voice raised in volume. “Oh my god, is Sofi okay?” She began to panic as her mother’s cries became more obvious.

“Mami?” Camila begged, needed some sort of response from the woman on the phone. “Please. What’s going on?”

There was a sharp inhale and an uneven exhale that followed as her mother’s voice cracked. “Mrs. Stein passed away this afternoon.”

Camila felt her heart drop. _No. God, please. No._ She had just seen the elderly lady a month ago when she had gone home for Christmas break. She was healthy then, smiling and energetic as always.

“W-what?” She sputtered. “H-how?” The room was spinning and the four walls surrounding her felt as if they were closing in on her. She suddenly felt claustrophobic.

“She had a heart attack.” Her mother explained tearfully, bringing her back to the conversation at hand. “It was so sudden.”

“I…” Camila’s own voice cracked this time. She had no idea how to react. Her heart felt as if it was being constricted and she found it hard to breathe in the small confined space.

“Did you want to come home for the funeral?” Her mother asked cautiously and Camila swallowed repeatedly trying to rid herself of the lump in her throat.

She did, but she didn’t. She wasn’t sure if she could handle seeing her second mother like that, so cold, so lifeless.

“I-I don’t know.” She stumbled over her words, grasping the bench for support as her vision blurred. Hot tears began to trickle down her cheeks as she struggled to wipe them away with her free hand.

“You can decide after you’ve thought about it, mija.” Her mother offered gently, her voice nurturing as she tried to sooth her daughter who was not the more hysteric of the two.

“Mami” Camila whimpered. “I can’t breathe. I can’t…”

“It’s alright, mija.” Her mother cooed gingerly. “It’s okay to cry.” And at the tenderness of her mother’s voice, she collapsed on the bench, the phone beside her as a sob tore through her chest, escaping her mouth in a strangled cry. _Thank god practice rooms are built with sound proof walls._

She wasn’t sure how long she had been crying but her mother had stayed on the phone with her until she could no longer keep her eyes open. It was only then that they ended the call. After a few broken breaths, she picked herself up off the bench and with shaky hands began to play.

_It was a rainy day in April when a thirteen year old Camila ran off the bus towards the small townhouse. The old woman, with concerned grey eyes, knelt down in front of her, wiping away her tears with her feeble hands. Her small body was soaked from the rain, hair clinging to the sides of her face, dripping onto the plush carpet of her piano teacher’s home._

_After a strained sob, she was immediately enveloped as Mrs. Stein hushed her, rocking her back and forth while she stroked her hair. The bullies had been particularly cruel that day, shoving her into the lockers and taking her latest composition and throwing it in the mud, soiling it in the dirt under their feet._

_With nurturing hands, she coaxed the young teen over to the piano, placing a book of Bach’s studies in front of her. Giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, she turned and made her way to what Camila could hear as the kitchen. The refrigerator door opened and closed. There was a soft clanging of dishes and the sound of cabinet doors squeaking. A few minutes later her second mother appeared in the doorway, a plate of cookies and glass of milk in hand._

_“Go on,” she urged, nodding at the music that was now propped on the piano ledge. Camila sighed, turning the pages until she found a particular piece that she enjoyed. Mrs. Stein settled beside her, placing the milk and cookies carefully on top of the grand._

Bach’s Prelude in C Minor was meant for careful, structured execution but she was no state of mind to properly perform the piece. Instead, her fingers desperately attempted fly through the piece, speeding up the further she got into the song.

_The elderly lady had always encouraged Camila to express herself in a health way, through art and music. If she didn’t have the right words to do so, let the notes on the page guide her into releasing her emotions. She didn’t always play each note correctly when she did that, but Mrs. Stein had said that it didn’t matter. As long as she felt what she was playing, that’s what was most important._

A rush of tears that she didn’t know she had left in her began cascading down her face and it wasn’t until she had felt them plop onto the keys, her fingers slipping on contact that she knew she had yet again been crying. Slamming her fists on the keys, an ear piercing clash of notes rung out, slicing through her.

Having had enough of an emotionally draining day, she gathered her things slowly, allowing the practice room door to click shut as she ascended the basement stairs of the music building. She felt sad and alone and for the first time in years, the insecure, scared little girl; a thirteen year old version of herself consumed her entire being. She walked with her head hung low, counting each step carefully, adjusting her stride so as to not set foot on any of the cracks on the sidewalk. The last thing she wanted was to bring about any more bad luck to her already horrendous day.

With her gaze focused on the ground, Camila didn’t see the girl coming towards her and it wasn’t until her head had collided with the girl’s chest that she had realized who she had bumped into. Out of shear embarrassment she quickly hustled away, sputtering out an apology.

\---

After the brief encounter, or should she say, collision with Camila, Lauren found herself torn between wanting to reach out to the girl and not wanting to overstep boundaries. She knew that they were friends, but she wasn’t sure if they were _that_ close of friends just yet. Besides, she was exhausted from the lack of sleep which was caused from the girl she was still thinking about. She laughed to herself at the fact that her entire state of delusion, and her thoughts for the last 24 hours or so, had completely been consumed by the girl. It was crazy, really. Her behavior was laughable and she found herself falling into a fit of giggles as she laughed to herself, dancing stupidly around her room.

“What’re you losing your shit over?” Alexa asked causing Lauren to spin around in surprise. She had entered the apartment completely unaware of her surroundings. Alexa was leaning against the doorframe of her bedroom watching her with curious eyes.

Lauren felt her cheeks burning as her roommate continued to look at her expectantly.

“I umm… I didn’t sleep much last night.” She admitted vaguely.

“Why? Did you have a lot of homework to do?” The older girl asked inquisitively. Lauren shook her head.

“Not quite. I was just up thinking.” The TA shrugged, trying to keep her responses short. She and Alexa had grown up as family friends. She knew that if she were to admit too much, the model would begin to piece things together and Lauren still wasn’t even sure if she knew were all the pieces fit herself.

“About?” Alexa continued to probe. _Damn it. She knows something’s up._

“I…” Smooth, Jauregui, real smooth.

“Would it happen to be about a certain someone whose name happens to be Camila?”

“Actually, her name is Karla.” Lauren blurted.

Alexa quirked an eyebrow in amusement. “Laur, is there something you want to talk about?”

“I don’t even think I know how to, honestly.” She admitted. “I’m at a loss for words and you _know_ that never happens.”

 

“Sounds serious.” Alexa stepped into the room, settling on the hipster’s bed, patting the space next to her. The two made themselves comfortable, kicking of their shoes and facing each other.

“I don’t know. I just can’t stop thinking about her.” Lauren began. “But not in a sexual, hormone crazed way or anything.” She felt the need to clarify. Alexa nodded, silently signifying her to continue.

“She’s just constantly on my mind.” The TA confessed. “And I know that it’s not just a friendship thing because you and Mani are my best friends but I don’t think about you guys nearly as much as I have been about her, especially recently.”

“Wow. Harsh, Lauren Michelle.” The taller girl teased, nudging her in the shoulder.

“You know what I meant.” Lauren gave a pointed look. The older girl gave a sympathetic smile as she continued.

“I’ve never questioned myself in terms of my sexuality and yeah, we joke about my girl crushes, but we all have them. I figured it was normal. But something about Camila just… I don’t know. She kinda just gets me and it feels nice, you know?”

“So you have a girl crush on Camila?” Alexa clarified. “Big deal? Vero and Lucy have the biggest girl crushes on each other. We don’t judge, you should know that.”

“But that’s the thing.” Lauren sighed. “I don’t think it’s just a girl crush. I think, maybe, I could potentially fall in love with her if I let myself.”

Alexa chewed the inside of her cheek at the confession, clearly trying to choose her words carefully. “So what you’re saying is you’re in love with Camila?”

“Not in love.” Lauren clarified. “But I _could_ be. It wouldn’t be hard for me to.”

“Wow. That’s umm…” A smirk spread across the older girl’s face and Lauren could see the wheels turning in her meddling head. “I think we should explore more into this.”

“Please don’t make things awkward.” Lauren begged. “I don’t even think she likes me, at least not like that.”

“Have you asked her?” Alexa queried.

“No.” The green-eyed girl admitted, suddenly finding interest in her cuticles.

“Then how do you know?” Her roommate prompted. Sometimes Lauren forgot how much she rubbed off her friends. Alexa was basically playing devil’s advocate, one of Lauren’s many talents. Her roommate was making her question everything that she was thinking. In her sleep deprived state it was only making her more conflicted.

“I don’t.”  She said, picking along the side of her nail.

“So go ask her, dumbass.” Alexa rolled her eyes as if it were the simplest solution in the world.

“It’s not that easy.” She continued scratching at the skin until Alexa swatted her hand away.

“Why not?” The brunette asked, placing a hand on her hip.

“Well, there’s also the fact that I’m her teacher.” Lauren pointed out, lifting a finger to count the reasons.

“TA.” Alexa retorted. “Not the same thing.”

“Still, it could make things so awkward.” Lauren fidgeted, raising another finger. “Second there’s also Dinah and Normani. Her best friend and our best friend. I wouldn’t want to drag them into this or force a wedge between them if things turn out less than ideally.”

“You’re overanalyzing this.” Alexa consoled. “I don’t think you and Camila seeing where things go will make things weird between them. They have their own friendship that is separate from yours and Camila’s.” Her roommate reasoned. “What’s your other excuse?”

“Well, I just don’t know what I’d do.” Lauren shrugged. “Like, where do you even start with something like this?”

Alexa paused to think for a minute before snapping her fingers almost comically, indicating that she had come up with an idea that she thought was just brilliant. “UDT’s dance competition is coming up next week. Why don’t you ask her to go together? It doesn’t have to be a date or anything, I’ll be there too and I’m sure Dinah’s friends will be there as well. We’ll just go to support our friends and if you guys hit it off, which I’m sure you will, I’ll slowly back out and you guys and go off and do your own thing.”

“I don’t know…” Lauren considered the idea for a moment but was unsure. She didn’t know if Camila would be interested in going to something like that, even if it was to support her roommate. It just didn’t seem like her to be the type to attend that sort of event.

“Stop being such a baby.” Her roommate teased. “What happened to my sassy, confident roommate? Why has she been replaced with some super shy, hesitant school girl?” Alexa began poking her ribs causing Lauren to squirm in discomfort.

“Shut your face.” She shot back, pushing the older girl’s hand away in defense.

“Ahh, there she is.” Alexa grinned triumphantly. “So….?” She dragged the word out expectantly.

“I’ll think about it.” Lauren offered. It was true, she would. And she would probably think too hard about it until she had completely overanalyzed every aspect of the possibility and plummeted herself into a slippery slope train of thought.

“Good. But don’t think too hard.” Her roommate seemed to read her mind. “I’ll leave you to your nap.” The older girl offered, noting the bags under the hipster’s eyes.

“Thanks, Lex.” Lauren gave in appreciation. Alexa smiled, kissing her forehead before leaving the room.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauren tries to help...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 16**

There was one major flaw in Alexa’s plan. For Lauren to ask Camila to go to the dance showcase with her, Camila actually had to be present. And on Wednesday, the sophomore was nowhere to be seen. Lauren had texted her, in the most platonic way possible of course, asking if she was alright and if she wanted to meet during office hours to get caught up on what she may have missed in class that day. Camila never responded.

The same situation happened again on Friday and Lauren was starting to worry. Even when she pulled Dinah aside, the Tongan had no idea of her roommate’s whereabouts. She had tried texting the Latina multiple times as well, but she too received no response. She had considered filing a missing person’s report, but she had noticed that her roommate’s bed had been slept in every night and a new set of clothing was sitting in the hamper, so she knew that Camila was still around. But for some reason, had simply been avoiding all opportunities for human interaction and neither Dinah, nor Marielle could figure out why.

Lauren had filled them in on the event that occurred earlier that week but none of the girls could come up with a reason as to why Camila would have been upset. She seemed fine when they had gone over to the TA’s apartment and Marielle had noted that she seemed happier than she had ever seen the girl when she had been cuddled up on the couch with Lauren. The junior tried her best to mask the fact that her heart had sped up just the tiniest bit at the comment. Unfortunately, Dinah had to run off to rehearsals and Marielle was meeting up with some friends that afternoon so their discussion had ended all too soon, in Lauren’s opinion.

The brunette returned to her apartment no closer to her answer than when she left. Alexa, who was lounging in front of the television raised a brow as she shuffled in, unlocking the door. Noting the defeated expression, she lowered the volume.

“So?” She inquired. Lauren simply shook her head. Her roommate sigh, sending a pitiful smile her way.  Lauren tossed her bookbag against the corner of the couch, unhooking her glasses from her shirt and placing them on the coffee table before flopping down beside the taller girl, her feet resting her in lap as Alexa secured a hand around her ankles.

“Do you think…” Lauren roommate trailed off, biting her lip, afraid to continue her thought.

“Do I think what?” The brunette asked, carefully studying the younger girl’s expression.

“Nevermind.” The green-eyed girl shook her head.

“No, say it.” She pressed.

“I don’t know, maybe…” Lauren chewed her lip. “Do you think that it possibly has something to do with me?”

“What do you mean?” Alexa’s said, her head tilted sideways, her hair falling over her shoulder as she did so. “Did you upset her?”

“I don’t know. I mean, the last thing I remember was putting my head on her shoulder, but what if she didn’t like it? What if I made her uncomfortable and she was just too nice to tell me to get off. What if…”

“Whoa! Slow down.” Alexa smacked her gently with one of the couch pillows. “You need to calm down and breathe for a second.” She lectured.

Lauren drew a sharp breath, exhaling shakily as Alexa continued.

“Just resting your head on someone’s shoulder shouldn’t cause them to completely ice you out.” Her roommate said. “And if it really _was_ the reason for her being so aloof, you don’t need those types of people in your life.” She added. Lauren frowned, picking at the stitching of the pillow that was now sitting in her lap.

“Besides, I don’t think Camila is that type of person.” Her roommate tacked on, noting the fallen expression on her friend’s face. “Didn’t you say that she hasn’t been responding to Dinah or Marielle either? I highly doubt that it’s something you did if it goes beyond you two. You’re overanalyzing.”

“I guess so.” The TA sighed.

“You have three exams next week, right?” Alexa asked.

“Yeah.” Lauren nodded.

“So…” Her roommate reasoned, “You’re probably just stressed. Don’t let it get to you.” She encouraged. Lauren gave a small smile as the older girl took her hand, giving it a squeeze.

“I can’t believe I’m going to offer to do this,” Alexa grinned cheekily, “But how about we spend our Friday night at the library?”

“Seriously?” Lauren’s eyes widened. Alexa never liked doing homework, let alone on a Friday night when the bars were an option. But Lauren needed the study time and the more prepared she felt, the more at ease her mind would be.

“Yeah, I’ll even buy you dinner at the café.” Her roommate offered. “As long as we don’t go to the stacks. That place creeps me out.”

“Done.” Lauren smiled appreciatively.

After gathering their belongings, the two left a note on the apartment fridge telling Normani where they were headed in case she came back from rehearsals to an empty apartment.

The two settled at a table in the West wing of the library, far from the stacks, as per her roommate’s request and set upon completing their assignments. After she had gone through making two stacks of notecards, Lauren groaned, removing her glasses from the bridge of her nose and rubbing her eyes groggily.

“I’m going to take a walk for a bit.” She shifted, rolling her neck to relieve some of the tension that had accumulated from sitting in the same position for so long.

“Do you need me to go with?” Her roommate raised her concern.

“Nah,” Lauren shrugged. “I’ll be fine. Just need to stretch my legs.”  

Alexa nodded, the corner of her lips turning up slightly in sympathy before returning her attention back to her laptop to continue writing the paper she had been working on.

After she had circled the entire first floor of the library, dragging her tired combat boots across the tiles, she made her way up the stairs to the second floor, repeating the same path that she had just a few minutes ago, enjoying the sensation of being surrounded by the scent of old parchment and the occasional sound of turning pages.

Weaving between the shelves, she caught sight of a bright red bow, a girl sitting on the floor cross legged in the dark corner of the last row of reference books. Her head was down, obviously consumed with the book in her lap that she had been hovering over.

Before Lauren knew what she was doing she approached her, quietly sitting to mirror the girl’s position across from her as she watched. Camila didn’t move an inch, completely unaware of the presence of another person in front of her. Lauren studied her closely, noting that she her eyes were hidden behind the dark locks that had fallen in front of her face. If it wasn’t for the teardrop that plopped on the paper a few minutes later, Lauren would have thought the sophomore had fallen asleep.

“Hey.” She whispered. Camila jumped, her eyes frightened as she shuffled backwards until her back collided with the wall.

“Hey, sorry.” Lauren cursed herself internally for being so creepy.  “I umm…”

“What are you doing here?” Camila’s asked, her voice hoarse and tired. Lauren noted how much raspier it sounded as the panic in the younger girl’s eyes slowly disintegrating.

“Umm, I have three exams next week. Alexa and I are studying.” She stammered. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” She apologized. Camila blinked, her warm brown eyes uncharacteristically dull and lifeless. When it was clear that Camila wasn’t going to respond, Lauren continued.

“I haven’t seen you all week.” She said awkwardly, her own voice sounding all too loud between the two of them.

“Yeah.” Camila agreed, her eyes trained on the text in her lap. Lauren observed her behavior, unsure of how to carry on the conversation. Instead, she gently placed a slender hand on the book. Camila didn’t rescind so she continued, tilting it upward toward the younger girl so that she could see the title. _Great Expectations._

Lauren wracked her brain, trying to recall the plot of the book. She had read it a while ago for one of her British Literature classes. It wasn’t quite her taste, but there were bits and pieces that she found enjoyable. Finally, a certain quote came to mind and Lauren mustered up the courage to tuck a strand of hair behind her student’s ear, whispering gently.

“We need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” She recited. If Lauren hadn’t been staring at her so intently she would have missed the small twitch in the corner of Camila’s lips.

 

She held her gaze for a few tense seconds until Lauren forced herself to look away. They sat in silence and Lauren debated leaving, unsure if she was being a bother to the sophomore.

 

“She died.” Camila finally said, closing the book. Lauren lifted her gaze, confused. The only female characters she could recall were Estella and Havisham, neither of whom she thought had a character death in the novel.

 

“Mrs. Stein.” Camila continued, a lone tear spilling over the rim of her eye. Lauren had no idea who Mrs. Stein was, but something told her she wasn’t just a fictional character. Judging by how effected Camila was, she knew that the woman was of great importance to the younger girl.

 

“She’s gone.” Camila whispered. “She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone…” she repeated the two words over and over again, collapsing into Lauren’s arms. The junior was taken aback, but quickly wrapped her warm arms around the girl’s shivering shoulders.

 

Lauren let one hand slide down the student’s spine until she reached the small of her back, rubbing soothing circles as Camila’s cries slowly subsided. Lauren was at a loss. She had no idea what to do about the situation and she herself was never good at coping with death. When her grandmother passed away, Lauren had grieved for weeks, refusing to eat, talk, or even leave her bed. She couldn’t blame Camila for missing a few days of classes.

 

“I just want to get away from here.” The sophomore finally muttered into Lauren’s protective hold. The TA took her student’s hand, coaxing her to stand up with her. Camila bit her lip hesitantly.

 

“Pick a genre.” Lauren instructed.

 

The darker haired girl peered at her through her hair with confusion. “What?”

“A genre. Any genre.” Lauren repeated vaguely, tucking the fallen hair back again. Camila blushed, her gaze fixed to the tops of her Converse as she shuffled them nervously.

Lauren let her think for a minute. “Historical fiction.” The sophomore finally decided.

“Alright” Lauren nodded. “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Camila asked as she trailed behind the taller girl, who continued to lead them through the library, each step she took filled with determination.

“We’re getting out of here.” Lauren told her from over her shoulder. They wrapped around the library, scurrying over to the East wing where historical articles and documentaries were located. Wedged between the sections were two lone shelves of historical fiction novels. Lauren dropped Camila’s hand as she surveyed the collection, removing a book and handing it to the younger girl. She took a few steps down and continued in the same fashion.

“Have you even read these?” Camila asked her inquisitively, tilting her head so that she could see the titles on the spine of the pile in her hands.

“Nope.” The TA responded, popping the “p” as she continued to place books in the already growing stack that was forming in shorter girl’s arms.

“Then what are you doing?” Camila stared at her. Lauren simply smiled.

“Someone once told me to pick the books with the most worn appearances.” The green-eyed girl explained. “They’re the ones that have been read the most. I think the same goes for people I suppose. The ones who are the most broken are the ones who loved the hardest.” Camila’s eyes lit up then, life slowly pooling into those big brown eyes. For the first time, she gave a full, genuine smile and the sight made Lauren feel as if she had just won the lottery.

“You’re amazing.” Camila told her appreciatively. Lauren shrugged, still wanting to keep the focus on the sophomore.

“That looks good.” She approved, counting the jumble of books in the younger girl’s arms. Camila nodded in agreement. Lauren took half of the pile in her own hands, nodding her head to the side, gesturing for Camila to follow. They found a pair of empty chairs and settled their pile down at their feet. Grabbing the first book from the top, Lauren opened it to the first page and began to recite the words.

“Dear God, I am fourteen years old. I have always been a good girl. Maybe you can give me a sign letting me know what is happening to me.” Lauren paused, unsure of whether or not to continue. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all, but then Camila adjusted herself, resting her head on Lauren’s shoulder to get a better view of the words, so the TA continued.

Twenty three pages into the novel, Lauren’s phone vibrated in her boot and she shuffled uncomfortably to reach it. Camila lifted her head, shifting awkwardly as she watched Lauren take the call in a hushed whisper.

“Hello?” The TA answered.

“Where are you?” Alexa asked. “You’ve been gone so long, I finished my paper. Are you okay?”

“Sorry.” Lauren kept an eye on Camila with her peripheral vision. The girl was fidgeting with the fabric of the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “I ran into a friend.” She explained, unsure if she should mention the fact that the friend in reference was actually Camila. Just in case Camila could hear everything they were saying, Lauren didn’t want to take the chance of Alexa launching into some embarrassing discussion of her feelings for the younger girl, which she had been doing quite well at controlling up to this point, if Lauren did say so herself.

“Are you coming back?” Alexa asked. “Do you want me to wait for you or should I just head home?”

Lauren debated the options for a moment. “Laur?” Her roommate’s voice resounded in her ear.

“Sorry, yeah. Don’t wait for me. I don’t know how much longer it’ll be.” She admitted.

“Alright.” Alexa sighed. “Are you going to come back and study?”

“Probably not.” Lauren confessed. She had forgotten all about the flashcards she had been making.

“I’ll bring your stuff home for you.” Alexa declared and Lauren could hear the shuffle of papers on the other line.

“Thank you.” She said appreciatively.

“Don’t stay out too late, okay? You need to sleep at some point.” Her roommate urged.

Lauren gave a small smile as Camila met her gaze. She had obviously been trying not to listen to the conversation. “I’ll be back soon.” She promised before the call ended.

“Do you need to be somewhere?” Camila asked after she had slipped the phone back into her boot.

Lauren shook her head, returning her attention back to the book in hand.

“But on the phone…” Camila began just as Lauren had taken a breath to start reading again. She raised her head upward to meet Camila’s chocolate eyes.

“I don’t need to be anywhere, I promise.” Lauren assured her. “Being with you is what’s important right now.” Camila pulled a face over her answer, an expression that Lauren couldn’t quite interpret. She mentally kicked herself for sounding so sappy and making Camila feel uncomfortable.

“I mean, I umm… I just want to make sure you’re okay.” She covered. The younger girl’s face broke into a smile.

“Thanks.” Camila said as she laced her hand between Lauren’s to express her gratitude. “I really appreciate it.” Lauren felt her heart skip a beat and hoped that Camila couldn’t tell how sweaty her palms felt. Giving her hand a squeeze, she picked up where we had left off, continuing their reading session, transporting the pair from the dusty library and into 1910’s rural Georgia.

It wasn’t until Lauren had read another thirty or so pages into the book when she realized that they were completely alone and the rest of the people in the library had filtered out for the night. Camila had curled into her at this point, her head on Lauren’s shoulder, eyes trained on the pages as she followed along. She let out a small yawn that sounded more like a small puppy’s yawn than a 20 year old’s. Lauren thought it was adorable.

“Do you wanna head out?” Lauren asked her student who stifled another yawn. “You seem pretty beat.” She stated, rubbing one of her eyes, the rib of her glasses resting atop her knuckles as she did.

“We probably should.” Camila agreed. “You seem pretty tired too.” Lauren nodded and the two checked out the rest of the books at the library kiosk before exiting through the revolving doors of the grandiose building.

Lauren walked Camila back to her dorm. Giving the younger girl a tight hug, not letting go until Camila did.

“I really needed that today.” Camila admitted. “Thanks for making me feel less alone.”

“I’m here if you need anything.” Lauren promised. Camila nodded in acknowledgment, stepping forward to place a kiss on Lauren’s cheek as a thank you. Never had she been so thankful for the darkness of the night because Lauren was certain that her face was beet red.

\---

Before the two parted, Camila decided that being around people was probably better than not being around people. Lauren’s comforting had proven it that evening. It would help distract her from everything. She had gone almost a week without human contact and she needed to snap herself out of it. The next day was going to be an emotionally tolling day and she was now pacing the lobby of the dormitory, filled with worry. She had told her mother that she would go home for the funeral, which had approached faster than Camila could mentally prepare herself for.

After finally entering her dorm room, Camila shuffled blindly through the darkness to pack a duffel bag of essentials. The Latina was thankful for her roommate being a heavy sleeper because she was less than graceful as she scavenged for the items she needed. Setting her alarm to wake up early enough to beat the traffic on her hour and a half drive back, she immediately fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow.

The morning came all too quickly for Camila as the sunlight began pouring through the room. She glanced over to see that her roommate was still asleep. A slight pang of guilt swept over her as she got ready to leave the girl once again. She hadn’t been leaving Post-It notes on the door for her and she had basically ignored every text Dinah had sent her that week. Camila knew that Dinah cared a lot about her and was just trying to figure things out, but Camila had bottled up everything and refused to let anyone in. Anyone, that is, except Lauren.

The fact puzzled her. Why Lauren? Dinah was her roommate and one of her best friends. Marielle was her best friend as well, and Camila had avoided telling her just the same. So why was it so easy for her to tell Lauren? Maybe it was because Lauren didn’t know anything about Mrs. Stein or Camila’s love for piano. Maybe it was just easier to open up to an outsider.

Camila had a lot of time to think during the drive home, her hands maneuvering the wheel automatically. The drive was relatively easy, only a few turns merging from one highway to another. Other than that, her mind was free to wander. And wander, it did.

She thought about Mrs. Stein and how much she missed the woman. She did a lot of that; thinking about Mrs. Stein and missing her. She wondered if she was with her, somehow in spirit right at that moment, maybe sitting in the passenger seat. But then she thought if spirits and the afterlife did exist, Mrs. Stein was probably with Mr. Stein right now, preparing him for the funeral. Camila remembered the way she would always straighten out his collar when he attended their piano recitals and the way that his lips would pucker playfully for her to reciprocate a quick kiss as a thank you. She thought about how sad he must be right now.

Camila remembered reading somewhere that once one spouse dies, especially when the death was unexpected, the other spouse has a four month period where they may die as well if they don’t find another reason to live. A lot of couples that are separated by death seem to find a way back to each other. Camila found it kind of beautiful, in a tragically heart breaking way. She didn’t think she could cope with Mr. Stein passing away as well, but she also didn’t want to seem selfish. If he wanted to leave this world to be with her, she wouldn’t blame him.

Shaking her head, she tried to think of something other than death. So she thought about seeing her family again. It wasn’t going to be under ideal circumstances, but she was grateful to have the opportunity to reunite with them. She knew that she would probably run into her mother’s arms and cry and then her father would most likely come behind her and wrap his arms around the both of them. She wondered if her little sister would understand the situation. She had only started to take lessons from Mrs. Stein less than a year ago. She wondered if Sofia had grown as attached to the elderly woman as Camila had. She didn’t think it was likely. She wondered if Sofia would be able to comprehend how permanent death really was. Camila thought that she probably wouldn’t. Because Camila herself could hardly grasp it.

She scolded herself for again thinking about death and indirectly, Mrs. Stein. In a final attempt to control herself, she thought back to her roommate, sleeping peacefully that morning. Camila felt bad. She knew that if she needed her to, Dinah would be right there for her to comfort her and so would Marielle. But Dinah had the competition to worry about. And Marielle didn’t live with her. Camila didn’t want to wake the girl up in the middle of the night by inviting herself over to her dorm to talk about the things in her head that she couldn’t even articulate.

Then there was Lauren. She felt safe with her, like the sadness that was drowning her was being evaporated by the warmth of Lauren’s hand holding her own. And for the rest of the drive, Camila thought  about Lauren until she arrived safely in her parent’s driveway, the funeral never coming back to mind until the car beeped as it locked and the front door opened slowly. Standing in the doorway was her mother looking exhausted as she forced herself to smile at her daughter in greeting. Grabbing her duffle, she stepped inside noticing the lack of music that usually played throughout the house. It was going to be a long day.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prelude for a dead princess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 17**

Ascending the stairs, Camila settled her bags onto the bed, taking in her surroundings. Her half of room was essentially kept as it was when she had left after Christmas break. Aside from a few of Sophia’s clothes that were laid out at the foot of her bed, it was relatively the same. Camila carefully folded the few articles, moving them into a pile on the desk chair on her sister’s side of the room before unpacking her belongings.

A knock came from the doorframe, followed by a “Are you hungry, mija?”

Camila shook her head, not having much of an appetite considering the events as of recently. Her mother nodded in understanding, approaching her daughter who was now sitting on the side of the bed, her Converse kicked off by her dangling feet.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Her mother asked gently.

“I don’t even know what you want me to say.” Camila struggled, her eyes glued to the floorboard; focusing on the patterns of dark rings in the wooden panels. “And if I did, I wouldn’t know how to say it.”

Camila felt a warm hand rest upon her own and her gaze lingered on the floor for another second before diverting to the source of the heat. Sinu gave a tender smile, to which Camila meekly returned with great difficulty.

“When words fail, music speaks.” Her mother advised, using one of Camila’s favorite quotes. Camila hesitated before withdrawing her hand from the woman’s grasp.

“Thanks Mami.” She sighed. Her mother placed a hand on her shoulder as she stood, giving squeeze before leaving the room, allowing Camila to sit upon her thoughts.

Within an hour, the entire Cabello household was dressed in all black, “ready” to go to the funeral. Realistically, no one was actually “ready,” at least, not mentally. But they needed to go and so her four family members piled into Alejandro’s car.

The viewing area was donned in lilies of various pastel colors and a portrait of the elderly woman, eyes wise and caring with a closed lip smile was placed on a large stand in the corner of the room. Camila wondered if there was such thing as the afterlife and if so, what was Mrs. Stein up to now.

After all had viewed the casket, placing shaky hands on the cold material, accidental tears falling onto the glossy surface, Mr. Stein made his way to the podium, speaking with a voice so quiet and broken that Camila could barely hear him. As he spoke, her mind again began to drift back to memories of the woman who had taught her so much, while her husband’s voice was now just a gentle murmur of sound in the background of her thoughts.

Before she knew it, Camila was watching the casket being lowered into the ground as salty tears cascaded down her face. She could see the faces of those around her, their expressions matching her broken one as they grieved together.

That evening, after the departure, Camila sat in front of the cherry wood piano, basking in the comfort of her childhood and memories of practicing various pieces for her teacher. Her mother and father had run out to get groceries and Sofi had gone along for the ride and most likely to badger them at the checkout for a candy bar or two.

It was weird to think that even while grieving, life still moves on. Errands still needed to get done. Laundry needed washing. Groceries needed to be purchased. And Camila would have to return back to school on Monday. She had already avoided class enough for the past week and there was only so many days she were allowed to miss before h grade was penalized. Even still, if she wasn’t to be penalized, she would have to go back eventually or she would fall behind on material.

The idea was strange. Though life ended, it still continued. And somewhere, it was just beginning for someone else.

Camila didn’t notice that she had actually begun to play, her fingers executing Chopin’s Prelude for Piano No. 4 in E minor, until the ringing of the doorbell startled her into a stop. She considered fleeing to her room, but the person at the door would have been able to hear the piano start and stop and know that someone was home.

The piano bench scraped noisily, echoing through the quiet house as her feet pad across the floor. Camila turned the lock, its snap reverberating in her ears as she slowly opened the front door.

\---

So maybe Lauren didn’t actually get to ask Camila to go to the dance competition with her. But the evening still turned out better than she had expected, despite the fact that Camila had been so upset. Lauren felt relieved that Camila wasn’t angry with her, even though Alexa had told her countless times that she was just being paranoid.

To be completely honest, Lauren was honored that Camila was willing to show her vulnerable side to her. Even though she didn’t explain who Mrs. Stein was, it was better than Camila not talking to her at all. She figured that after the week the sophomore had endured it might be best to give her time to herself, though Lauren wanted nothing more than to text the girl just to see how she was doing.

With the sophomore in mind, Lauren logged onto CMW the next morning to grade the word-essay assignments. Maybe Camila’s would reveal a little about who Mrs. Stein was. After she had graded every other students’ assignment, she clicked on the submission  _Cabello, Karla C. – Week 5 Word Essay._

There was nothing about a Mrs. Stein but quite a bit revealing the inner workings of Camila’s mind, something that Lauren had grown fascinated to. Something about the girl’s words had stuck in her head and caused Lauren to practically spiral into an identity crisis. But at the same time, it relieved her to know that maybe she wasn’t just Lauren Michelle Jauregui. She wasn’t just limited to her name; a label. Nor was she limited to how society saw her and how it deemed she should behave.

She was just herself; a person with a working mind, just like everyone else in the world. How ironic?

Lauren decided to occupy her mind with some reading.  _Alice and Wonderland and Philosophies: Curiouser and Curiouser._  She had always been fascinated with Carroll and his ideas, whether they were drug induced or not. Soon, she was filling the margins with her own thoughts and chaotic spirals into madness. For some reason, she always seemed to find a little comfort in her craziness; walking the line of profound thinker vs. absolute madwoman.

_There are various philosophers who give general ideas of how they think we should perceive the world, but then we disprove their claims by always finding the “exception.” And it drives me crazy because it seems like we don’t actually know anything because there’s always going to be an “exception.” It’s unsettling to know that the “facts” that we live by, or even just the “faith” that we live by, can always be disproved._

_Even something as basic as math; 2+2=4 might not actually be true. I know, I sound insane. But just think… How do I actually know that it’s true? 2 is just a symbol for an object and another object; for which we’ve assigned a meaning to. The word “two” is just a representation, but what is “2,” really? It’s just a picture; a curvy top with a sharp turn that flattens out into the shape, 2. It’s meaning is given significance because we, as a society, have agreed upon its definition. But a word is just letters, arranged in various patterns, and those patterns are just “pictures” of lines and shapes that we have symbolic meanings for._

_But even still, a “chair” to me is different from a “chair” to you. What do you think of when you hear/see the word “chair?” It may generally be the same; something to sit on, but what about the legs? Is it wooden? Cushioned? Plastic? Sturdy? Broken? What, really, is a chair? If my chair isn’t your chair, and your chair isn’t his chair, or her chair, do we have a real definition for anything?_

_And if a word is just a picture made from lines/shapes that we call “letters,” what do we mean, then, by “a picture is worth 1000 words? Because a word is a picture._

_Anyway, going back to 2+2=4. How do I actually know that? It’s something I’ve been told and conditioned to know; like memorizing my times tables. But what is math, then? It was still just an invention, a concept that was developed to give meaning to measurements. But who decided to agree to tat universal idea and spread it as the system of measurement for all things, grouping it together, and calling it “math?”_

_There are always exceptions; juxtapositions and paradoxes. They say, “If you love someone, let them go. If they were really yours, they will return.” But then if something else happens, and your hope is shattered, they tell you, “If you love someone, you should fight for them.” And everything we’re taught up to that point just seems contradictory._

_And what do people even mean when they say “you choose your own destiny?” Destiny implies fate, fate implies something that is out of your control. The two words next to each other are their own paradox. Own vs. something that’s not your own. Ok, I know it means life’s what you make it, but then why do so many people believe in God? Because believing in God means that you letting him control things that happen to you. And most people tend to attribute bad outcomes to God, reasoning that it’s “simply out of your hands” or that “God has a plan.” But when it’s something good, they like to attribute to their own abilities to give themselves a sense of gratification; self-worth. But if all is controlled by a “God,” what worth do you actually have? You are only worth what “God” wants you to be worth._

_So what are we worth to God? Are we followers that are meant to praise and feed his ego? A pawn in his giant scheme? Maybe a character in his “Sims game?”_

When Lauren looked up again, it was dark in her room; the sun had set and she was practically lying with her face in her book from the lack of illumination. She had completely lost track of time and noticed that it was already approaching nine. On cue, her stomach groaned in protest and she shuffled out into the kitchen to make herself something to satisfy her hunger.

Her roommates were watching TV when she passed by, inviting her to join them. 

"Haven't seen you all day." Alexa noted.

“Sorry.” Lauren apologized.

“You can back really late last night.” Normani pointed out. “I thought I’d be the last one home but I guess not.” The dancer joked, referring to her long dance rehearsals before the showcase.

“Yeah…” Lauren shrugged, not even bothering to make up a half-hearted excuse.

“You ready for your exam?” Alexa deflected, giving the TA an understanding smile.

“Not in the slightest.” The brunette muttered, running a frustrated hand through her hair. “I should probably get back to it, actually.” Lauren said, excusing herself. Alexa shot her a worried look but Lauren simply pretended not to see it, returning to her room.

Once the door clicked shut behind her, the TA set out to accomplish some work and finish studying for her exam. Realistically, she was pretty prepared, despite the distractions of the week. Psychology was always something of interest to her, but she wanted to sound humble in front of her roommates. Besides, it gave her an excuse to return to her thoughts.

As she lay in bed, her thoughts began intermingling with her dreams as her eyes struggled to stay open. Just as she was about to fully doze off, her trance was interrupted in the early hours of that Sunday morning. Lauren rolled over groggily, cursing herself for leaving her volume so loud. When her eyes finally focused on the name on the screen, she bolted straight up, quickly unlocking her phone.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected visitors bring the best advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 18**

 “Hi, Mr. Stein.” She greeted cautiously. Mr. Stein stood outside the door with a black umbrella over his head. Camila had been so lost in herself that she didn’t even notice it had been raining outside the window. She quickly ushered the elderly man into the house.

In the light, she was finally able to see the man up close. Camila noticed how worn he really looked; as though his life had been taken away. Then again, she had been. His skin looked unnaturally dry, the hollows of his eyes sunken in an empty, and his jaw seemed to be permanently set in a slack, lifeless position.

But his eyes seemed uncharacteristically bright. It confused Camila.

Either she was crazy, or he actually seemed… happy?

The thought was quickly pushed to the bath of her mind when the man gave her a small smile before he spoke.

“Hello Karla,” Mr. Stein greeted in a voice that was much more alive than it had been a few hours ago. “I brought you something.” He explained, reaching his left hand into one of the oversized pockets in his dark trench coat. Fumbling a bit, he finally retrieved a plain white envelope, the corners slightly crumpled from a combination of the humidity and his shuffling.

“What is it?” Camila asked curiously as she took the envelope in her hand. The man simply smiled, encouraging Camila to open the flap. What she found inside caused tears to well up in her eyes.

It was a simple pink Valentine’s Day card with a picture of her younger self, her feet dangling from the bench of the piano.  She couldn’t have been more than six or seven years old at the time.

“She was planning on surprising you at the recital next weekend.” The elderly man explained. “I almost forgot that she had written it. It’s been a little busy since…”

“I understand.” Camila finished for him.

“I hope you don’t mind that I read it.” Mr. Stein apologized, nodding his head to acknowledge the card that was now in Camila’s hand. She shook her head to say “no” and the old man gave her hands a soft pat.

“You were practically one of her own” he told the young college student.  “She really loved you.” Camila fought hard to swallow the lump in her throat.

“I just wanted to make sure you got this before you headed back to school.” Mr. Stein explained. “I’ll leave you to it.” Camila nodded thankfully and soon after their conversation, found herself curled into the sofa, her eyes following the flow of each curve in Mrs. Stein’s handwriting; the worn polaroid photo resting in her lap as she read.

_My Dearest Karla,_

_Happy Valentine’s Day!_

_Today is a day to celebrate love; eternal or finite, whatever it may be, just reveal in it. Celebrate love of all kind. Cherish the time you have with those who matter to you, who make you smile and feel safe and warm. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m so thankful I can do that by being here with you._

_I am so proud of you and though I am writing this before actually attending the recital, I know that it was beautiful. You have come so far from the timid, little girl I remember you to be. Over the years, I have seen you grow up and come out of your shell. You express yourself in the most magical ways and you really come alive through your passions and music. You just light up! And not just yourself, but you also light up my life and the lives of others you have touched._

_Remember, talent and soul is what limit or create your existence. Make yours beautiful! Happiness is not a state of being, but a state of mind._

_Love always,  
Mrs. Stein_

Camila felt a single tear fall from her cheek and plop onto the stiff card; the old woman’s scrawl now flashing behind her lids as she closed her eyes. With a sharp breath, she recollected herself, inserting the card back into the envelope and holding the picture to her chest. She missed her. Camila never knew she could miss someone so much. It made her heart ache.

 _Happiness is not a state of being, but a state of mind_. The words echoed through her head.

She forced herself to smile. If Mr. Stein could bring himself to, surely Camila could too. That evening, when her family had returned and gone to bed, Camila pulled out her phone, taking the woman’s advice, and texted the one person that she knew would make her feel safe and warm.

_Camila: Hey, Lauren. I’m sorry for sending this so late. I hope I don’t wake you. And if I did, I’m sorry. I just wanted to say thanks for the other night. My piano teacher passed away. She was like a second mother to me and I didn’t know what to do. But thank you for keeping me company and being there for me. I can’t express how much I appreciate it._

A few minutes later her phone buzzed and she scrambled to retrieve it from under the bed. She swiped her finger over the passcode and squinted into the blinding light of the screen.

_Lauren: Hey Camz! You don’t need to thank me. I’m really sorry for your loss. :( She must have been an incredible woman. If you need anything, I’m here for you. :)_

Camila felt herself smile at the junior’s message. Even though she couldn’t see it, she could sense that Lauren was genuinely concerned for her and meant what she said.

_Camila: Thank you. :) That means a lot to me. Do you believe in the afterlife?_

It took a while, but her phone vibrated a few minutes later.

_Lauren: I would like to think so, but I really don’t know. I’ve always questioned the validity of those who claim that they had near-death experiences and came back to life to tell the tale. But then again, you can never really climb into someone else’s mind completely and know if their stories are the truth, you know? I think I would like to believe that it exists so that we have some sort of comfort if we want to redeem ourselves after this life, but there’s no way to really know the answer until we die. And I’m not really sure I want to get the answer right now. :/ Sorry. I don’t know if that really answered your question._

_Camila: No, it’s okay. I get what you’re saying._

The two friends continued their conversation, drifting from topic to topic, weaving in and out of various ideas and concepts. It was in those moments that Camila felt at ease. Lauren somehow always managed to take her mind to different places and distract her from the reality that was bothering her at whatever given moment.

It was another two hours before Camila finally looked up from her phone, realizing just how late it really was.

_Camila: Eep! I just saw what time it is. I’m so sorry for keeping you up!_

_Lauren: Hey, don’t worry about it. I always stay up thinking about this kind of stuff anyway. It was nice to get to share it with someone else for once. I wanted to talk to you. :) But I’ll let you get to sleep if you need to!_

_Camila: Yeah. I need to drive back to school tomorrow so sleep might be helpful. I’d rather not fall asleep while driving. :P_

_Lauren: Haha! Yes! Please be careful! I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you!_

Camila felt her chest swell as she reread the text. _Well, that was new_. The young Latina placed a hand over her now rapidly beating heart, inhaling to help alleviate the sudden feeling of it wanting to burst.

_Camila: I promise I’ll drive carefully._

_Lauren: Btw, are you going to see Dinah at UDT’s showcase next week?_

_Camila: I don’t know. I usually don’t go to those types of things… Are you going for Normani?_

_Lauren: Oh. Yeah, I am. I was gonna ask if you wanted to go together, but if it’s not your thing you don’t have to._

_Cherish the time you have with those who matter to you, who make you smile and feel safe and warm._ The wisdom of her teacher floated through her mind. 

_Camila: No. Actually, I would love to. :)_

And she meant it.

\---

On Monday, Lauren returned to her usual seat at the back of the English lecture room, having written a simple few letters on the board. After texting with Camila until the sun practically rose on Sunday morning, the hipster spent the majority of the day catching up on sleep, and it was assumed that the sophomore was doing the same.

Her mind had drifted back to the younger girl more often than she’d like to admit. Alexa had looked at her smugly all afternoon after Lauren divulged to her that Camila had agreed to go to the UDT showcase with her.

It was just as friends, Lauren had insisted. Alexa would simply nod her head and continue with that smirk on her face . It drove Lauren crazy, but even she couldn’t help the smile that her lips seemed to form every time she thought about Friday. She was excited.

 _Companion_. She had written on the blackboard.

Lauren watched from the back of the room as Camila opened her laptop and began typing away. She was impressed, but not really surprised that the sophomore was slowly going back to being her studious self. She watched the bowed girl tilt her head to the side, eyes at the ceiling as she contemplated her next sentence; bottom lip between her teeth as she thought.

Before the end of class that day, Camila’s submission was already posted and Lauren spent the last few minutes of the lecture completely engrossed in the girl’s writing.

_A companion is usually a lover or pet. I’ve never really had either of those, but one day, hopefully, I’d like to have both. Recently, I realized how important it is to cherish your time with the people around you. You never know when they may be taken away from you and how much you’ll miss the little things they did; the small quirks, annoying bad habits, and the way their eyes seemed to laugh with them._

_As a little girl, I didn’t have that many friends. I’m still a bit like that today. I have a few really close friends and I rarely feel comfortable opening up to new people. I’ve been surprised to have met a few this year that really make me feel safe and let me text them at 3 am in the morning until the sun comes up._

Lauren’s gaze drifted back to the girl sitting a few rows in front of her. She was twirling a strand of hair between her fingers as she scrolled through what Lauren assumed to be Tumblr on her Macbook. She debated texting Camila but wasn’t sure what she would even say. Instead, she returned her attention back to reading the girl’s word essay.

_Other than those few special people, most of my “companions” were a book character; someone fictional like Harry Potter that I could admire and not worry that he found me annoying or my jokes lame. Lately, I’ve found a new form of companionship:  quotes. I think that quotes can serve as a mantra that you can repeatedly tell yourself to remind you of something or someone. That type of companion will always be with you, even long after that person is gone. It’s more of a motivational thing and like all other physical companions, you and still find comfort in a mantra. It’s something that…_

She didn’t have time to finish reading the rest of the essay due to the tan hand waving frantically in front of her face. She blinked a few times before looking up at the owner of the seemingly perfectly manicured hand.

“Yo! You okay, Lauren?” Dinah asked. Camila stood next to the dancer, trying to stifle a giggle behind her hand. “You haven’t blinked for the last two minutes and class ended a while ago.” The Tongan raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, sorry. Just reading…” She hesitated. “something.” She finished awkwardly.

“You nerds and your reading...” The taller girl teased, nudging Camila in the shoulder as well. The sophomore scowled, blushing lightly.

“Sorry, ignore her. Sometimes I think she needs a muzzle.” Camila teased gently. Lauren couldn’t help the grin that spread across her face.

“Rude.” Dinah rolled her eyes, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she pretended to storm away angrily but both girls could see that she was struggling to keep a straight face. “I’ll be at the dorm if anyone needs me.”

“Ignore her.” Camila chuckled. Lauren nodded.

“What’s up?” The TA asked, closing her laptop, allowing the sophomore to have all of her attention, not that she wouldn’t anyway...

“I just wanted to say thanks again, in person, for being so sweet to me.” Camila said gratefully.

“Don’t worry about it. Like I said, I’m here for you for anything.” Lauren assured. The brown-eyed girl smiled, reaching out to give Lauren’s hand a squeeze.

“I know. And it means the world to me.” Camila continued. “I’ve never had someone care so much about me. It’s kind of weird.” The girl’s gaze fell and Lauren could detect the light in her eyes starting to dull. She could tell that the conversation was headed in a darker direction. “I was never really popular and no one really liked me except for Marielle and Mrs. Stein.” Lauren watched Camila shuffle nervously, but never retracted her hand. Lauren gave it a gentle squeeze. “I just don’t know how to deal with people so I…”

“It’s okay.” Lauren cut off. “Just know that there are people who want you to be happy.” She said before Camila could continue anymore. “You have Dinah now. And Marielle. And Mani. And Alexa…” She began listing.

“I know.” Camila gave a shy smile, her hand squeezing back.

“And me.” Lauren finished, reciprocating with a proud smile.

“And you.” Camila repeated.

“We are all books, simply because we all have spines and stories to tell.” The TA recited, recalling something she had once read online. She watched as Camila began tracing the question mark on her wrist as she continued. “No matter what your past is, there will always be new experiences waiting to be written and new characters to join you along the way. All you have to do is turn the page.”

Lauren looked up when she had finished and saw that the younger girl’s eyes were brimming with tears. Camila was beaming.

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camren locked in a practice room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 19**

Being back on campus and going back to classes felt like an out of body experience for Camila. It almost seemed as if she was watching her own life play out, going through the motions of her daily routine without actually processing much. “Happy is not a state of being, but a state of mind.” The mantra repeated in her head, encouraging her to get up each morning, despite how difficult.

Eventually, the truth came out about everything and after telling Dinah what had happened, The Tongan made sure to accompany her little roommate around as a source of comfort. Camila was grateful for the protective nature of her younger friend, as well as Marielle’s unfaltering sympathy. That, along with Lauren’s reassuring daily messages and meet ups whenever they were free, was what Camila needed to re-center herself and finally “turn the page.”

Things were slowly returning back to normal and by the end of the week, Camila spirits were exponentially lifted as she and Marielle prepared to meet up with Alexa, Vero, Lucy, and most excitingly, Lauren. Ever since their chat after class on Monday, Camila had started to feel a rush of adrenaline every time she interacted with her TA. And though she wasn’t normally one for large social outings, Camila was grateful to have so many people around to distract her.

“Hey, Camila!” Alexa greeted as the two juniors approached. “What’s up, Marielle.” The two sophomores waved in greeting as they joined them to stand in a circle outside the auditorium doors. They had agreed to meet a few minutes before the doors opened so they could get the best seats in the house. Lauren had informed her, from past experience, that front row is always the most fun place to be for UDT’s performances.

“I was wondering when we’d see you again.” Marielle smiled at Alexa. “I feel like we only really see Lauren.”

Lauren faked a gasp in offense. “You mean you don’t love seeing me ever Monday, Wednesday, and Friday?”

“One can only handle so much of you.” Alexa jabbed, nudging her roommate causing her to stumble into Camila momentarily. She pulled back with a blush, mumbling an apology before shooting daggers at the taller girl who stood smirking with a sheepish grin on her face.

Vero and Lucy soon joined them and the six of them continued with their playful banter.

Eventually the doors were opened and they filed in, Vero and Lucy playfully linking hands as they skipped down the aisles to the front row. Camila watched them in amusement wondering what it would be like to hold hands with Lauren. _Whoa what?_ She shook her head, smiling back at the green-eyed girl who was watching the two girls as well. Soon to follow were Alexa and Marielle, who seemed to be bonding and catching up on the latest since they’d last had their Pretty Little Liars session. The two took their seats next to Lucy and Vero as they continued to chat animatedly.

“You okay with sitting together?” The TA asked, addressing Camila playfully. There were obviously only two seats left vacant after the rest of their friends had settled in.

“Only because I have to.” The younger girl teased before plopping down in the aisle seat. Lauren moved to settle to her right afterwards.

“Uhh huh.” The hipster chuckled, nudging Camila in the arm as she rested her own on the armrest between them. She smiled cheekily as she placed her chin in the palm of her hand awaiting Camila to make a move.    

It only took a few seconds for the student to reciprocate the motion, nudging Lauren’s left arm off the arm rest and replacing the space with her own.

Camila giggled, glanced over to the girl in the corner of her eye, who was now watching her with a look of, well, Camila couldn’t really quite place what it was… Something flashed across Lauren’s eyes, but was gone in a moment later as the TA let out her own laugh, lightly nudging Camila’s elbow again.

After a few more childish shoves between the two, Camila stilled both of their arms, grasping Lauren’s wrist lightly as the lights in the auditorium dimmed and the curtains lifted. She felt Lauren slip her hand into hers, though the older girl refused to make eye contact. Still, Camila could see the smile illuminated on Lauren’s face. Camila gave the TA’s hand gentle squeeze and returned her attention to the stage.

Normani led a group of four other girls onto the stage as the beat began to blare through the speaker system. All the lights began to flash to the music and Camila watched in awe as she moved across the stage with determination and drive, two girls on either side of her accompanying her movements. She smiled when Dinah and a few other came out from the wings to join her, strutting across the wooden floor with purpose and she bent and gyrated her hips to the pumping bass. At one point during the song, Camila could help but laugh when her roommate pointed a hand out to her in the audience and gave a wink as she continued with the choreography.

The group was phenomenal and before she knew it, the dance troupe was running of stage, waving their goodbyes to cut to a ten minute intermission.

“Well,” Lauren posed when the curtains had closed again and the lights had brightened back to a visible level. “What did you think?”

“Amazing.” Was all Camila could respond as she glanced at the hand that was now in her lap. She blushed furiously, retracting her grip in embarrassment. Apparently at some point during the performance, she had pulled Lauren’s hand into her lap. Lauren gave her a soft smile and continued as if nothing had happened.

“I thought the same thing when I came to my first UDT show.” The older girl admitted.

“Thanks for asking me to come.” Camila said gratefully. “I would have missed out on this. And it was really nice to forget about things for a night.”

The TA frowned, unsure of what to say.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin the mood. I’m just…” Camila bit her lip nervously. “I’m just really thankful that I have such great people looking out for me. I really appreciate it.”

Lauren watched as a shy smile spread across the girl’s face. “I’ve only had to deal with death once. It was my abuela when I was 15. I didn’t really know how to handle it, but it helped to have people that I could lean on. And like I told you before, you have all of us here for you.” The older girl promised.

“Now you’re gonna make me cry.” Camila whined causing Lauren to chuckle in endearment. “I’m really sorry about your abuela.” She frowned as she gave her condolences. Lauren returned a sad smile but continued to focus on Camila.

“You’re gonna get through this.” Her TA encouraged. “You’re a lot stronger than you think, Camz. I may not have known you as long as Dinah or Marielle, but from what I do know, from the short time we’ve spent together, I know that you’re an incredibly gifted and intelligent person with a beautiful smile, wise eyes, and so much strength. You just don’t realize any of it, but you should.”

Camila felt her cheeks burning as her stomach did that weird thing again. _What is happening?_ Lately, Lauren had been making her feel something she’d never felt before. She’d read about it countless times, imagined what it would be like, but she always thought it would be because of a boy. Camila had tried to conjure up her perfect “fantasy” man but recalled that the task always failed. As a girl, she had attributed it to her fear of the opposite sex in general. She thought it was just a result of the years of bullying, the majority of which were boys. But now she wasn’t so sure. Because now, here she was, completely enamored by a girl, even more complicated; her TA. Strangely, the idea of her sexuality didn’t seem too daunting to her. She was more worried about what Lauren would think were she to ever find out.

“I umm…” The hipster was now fiddling nervously with one of the rings on her hand, twisting it back and forth, trying to avoid making eye contact with her student. _Was she embarrassed?_

Just then, the lights in the auditorium dimmed again, signaling the start of the second half of the show. Hit with a momentary burst of courage, the younger girl leaned over, placing her lips against the soft skin of the girl’s cheek and pulling back to whisper a “thank you” in the brunette’s ear before turning her attention to the dance troupe thundering onto the stage.

At the end of the show, the entire auditorium was on their feet, the echo of applause and cheering scattering around the room.

“Encore! Encore!” Vero and Lucy began to chant, bouncing on the balls of their feet as they faced each other, laughing when the rest of the front row began to join in with them. Soon enough, the entire crowd was chanting along.

The lights flickered, strobing over the audience as the back doors of the auditorium burst open, music blaring and a swarm of dancers stormed through the aisles and began bringing random audience members onto stage with them.

Dinah grabbed Camila by the wrist and the smaller girl pulled back hesitantly, watching as Normani did the same with a more willing Lauren. Lauren let out a boisterous last and allowed herself to be dragged onto the stage, slapping her roommate’s rear playfully as they ran up the steps. In that moment, her inhibitions fell away and Camila allowed herself to be tugged onto the stage as well.

The sophomores joined the two juniors as Dinah, still holding onto her hands, raised them in the air, “puppeteering” Camila to manipulate her movements. Camila was sure she looked like downright fool, but allowed herself to be twisted this way and that as more audience members joined the free-for-all.

As the stage grew more crowded, the group shuffled over to the wings until Camila could safely watch from behind the curtains at her friends, laughing and spinning as they attempted to come up with some elaborate improv dance sequence. Normani and Dinah took the lead as they were joined by the rest of the juniors who followed their movements, hips swinging and bodies rolling. Camila couldn’t help but smile as she observed them, clearly amused.

Her eyes met Lauren’s, sparkling, green emeralds glowing. The way the stage lights reflected off her green orbs was otherworldly. The girl’s eyes were like galaxies! Her breath hitches, getting caught in her throat as the TA shot her an award-winning smile before continuing on with her dance-off amongst a small group. Camila continued to stare, unable to tear her eyes away from the older girl. It was like the party all over again.

Before she knew it, Lauren had taken her by the hands, pulling Camila’s frame flush against her as she and the rest of her friends created a “grind train.” Dinah pressed her back against Camila’s front, sandwiching her between them as more and more people joined in. Camila felt her cheeks burning at the experience that was somewhat out of her comfort zone but the feeling of Lauren’s hands on her waist made it semi-more tolerable. And then her heart was soaring at the sound of Lauren’s laughter bubbling in her ears.

The music finally ended and the auditorium broke into another round of cheers and applause.

“So, was it worth it?” Lauren asked once the crowd had begun to disperse.

“Definitely.” Camila nodded, unable to wipe the ginormous grin off her face.

“I’m glad you had fun.”

“Ayo!” Dinah interrupted, jogging over to the two with a bouquet of roses in her arms. Camila waved in greeting as she approached, Siope in tow. “Thanks for coming, Chancho! You too, Lauren.” Her roommate said gratefully.

“No problem.” She smiled, giving the taller girl a quick hug before pulling back  to address her boyfriend. “Hey, Siope.” Camila greeted. “I didn’t know you were coming, too.”

“I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to see my girl dancing like that.” He smirked, earning himself a smack on the arm and a scowl from Dinah. “What?!” He groaned, rubbing his arm in feign pain.

“You better respect your woman.” The Tongan girl scolded.

“I do. I respect her and her body.” He gave her an exaggerated up-and-down, wiggling his eyebrows. This time Dinah simply rolled her eyes, returning her attention to the others.

“There’s going to be an after party at one of the girl’s apartments.” The dancer explained. “Wanna go?”

Camila hesitated. As much as she enjoyed being around friends, she was already exhausted from being around people. It wasn’t that she minded them, but being the introvert that she was, interacting with large amounts of people took quite a bit of energy out of her. She looked to Lauren for her opinion on the matter.

“Why not?” The older girl shrugged giving her a soft smile.

“That’s the spirit!” Dinah approved, turning her attention to her roommate. “You coming, Chancho?”

Camila sighed. “I don’t…”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” Lauren cut off, giving her a playful nudge, knocking her shoulder against the smaller girl’s. “You didn’t want to come to this, but you did and see how it turned out. Trust me, it’ll be fun. I promise.” Sincere green eyes met brown.

“Alright.” Camila nodded. “I trust you.”

\---

Lauren wasn’t sure where her sudden spouts of courage were coming from, but ever since Camila had returned from her weekend at home, the student was constantly on Lauren’s mind. She wondered what the girl was doing, whether she was smiling, or maybe what part of the book she was current reading she had gotten to. To put it simply, Lauren was smitten. Absolutely, positively, smitten over the girl and there was no sign of her getting over this little crush anytime soon. After talking it over with Alexa and tossing and turning over the situation, resulting in many sleepless nights, Lauren finally decided to just let it run its course and see where things would go. So far, they were actually going quite smoothly and Camila was slowly coming back out of her shell, allowing Lauren to catch the slightest glimpses of the beautiful girl that was being hidden behind those hardcover books and sheets of music.

The recital couldn’t have gone any better and Lauren just didn’t want the night to end, so when Dinah invited them to join the dance troupe’s after party, she hoped that Camila would be willing to extend the night as well, prolonging their departure. A part of Lauren felt absolutely ridiculous for wanting to spend so much time with the younger girl, but after their conversations, holding hands, and bashful eye contact, something inside the hipster was secretly hoping that _maybe_ Camila was feeling it too. _Maybe_ Camila felt the same way she did. After all, she did initiate the majority of their interaction that night and almost always was the first to start any sort of physical contact.  

It wasn’t until the after party that Lauren began to think maybe she just might have a chance. She and Camila had been drinking at a relatively slow pace, reveling in people-watching, rather than getting completely hammered like the rest of their peers. They had loosened up and become even more comfortable with each other in those few hours, brushing shoulders and hands, shamelessly lacing their fingers together as they continued to observe those around them. Eventually the two grew tired and decided to slip out and go for a quiet stroll.

Though downtown was still buzzing with night life and parties in each apartment complex, campus was relatively silent. Lauren stepped lightly, allowing the younger girl to guide them through the concrete walkways and between the brick buildings. Camila’s hand felt soft and warm in hers. Lauren’s were tougher and calloused from years of gripping around the harsh end of countless softball bats. But the younger girl’s were gentle, tender… nothing like those of the boys Lauren had held hands with before. It was different, but in the best way possible.

She was brought out of her daze when the student gave her hand a slightly more violent tug.

“Hey, were you listening at all?” Camila questioned, eyeing the older girl skeptically.

“Sorry, I zoned out.” Lauren apologized.

“What were you thinking about?” The student asked curiously.

“Nothing.” The TA covered. She had been keeping her cool up until this point. She couldn’t ruin it now.

“Nothing, huh?” The younger girl repeated playfully. “You know,” she smirked. “The concept of ‘nothing’ doesn’t really exist. Because even by saying ‘nothing’ you are giving ‘nothing’ some type of definition, so really, ‘nothing’ is still ‘something.’” The student explained, releasing Lauren’s hand and using an excessive amount of air quotes.

The older girl couldn’t help but let out a laugh. “Ok. Fine. You caught me.” The junior shrugged. “So where are we?” She asked when she finally took a moment to observe their surroundings.

“The music building.” Camila explained, holding the door open for Lauren to follow.

“Oh my god!” Lauren gasped, unable to contain her excitement as she followed the younger girl down the stairs to what seemed to be the basement of the building. “Are you going to play something for me?”

The younger girl blushed, ducking her head bashfully, hesitating outside the door of one of the small practice rooms. The door was cracked open and Lauren could see the glare from the fluorescent light of the hall reflecting off the instrument’s shiny black exterior.

“No, please don’t be embarrassed. You don’t have to. I was just kinda excited.” Lauren consoled. “You really don’t have to. No pressure.” She took a step back toward the stairs they had entered from.

Camila shook her head, pushing the door open the rest of the way before stepping inside the cozy space. Lauren eventually followed, shutting the door behind her, hesitating slightly before Camila pat the space on the bench beside her.

Obeying the motion, Lauren moved to sit to the younger girl’s left as she watched her student place her slender fingers atop the ivory keys. She watched as Camila bit the inside of her cheek, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply.

Lauren swallowed, unsure of what to do. It felt like ages before Camila finally exhaled, brown orbs fluttering into view as music began to envelope the pair.

Green eyes watched in awe as tan fingers floated from one note to another, dancing in pairs, trios, and quartets. One hand mirroring the flight and descent of the other. Lauren was mesmerized.

When the piece ended, one single tear escaped from the younger girl’s eye, though she was looking back at Lauren with the brightest of smiles.

“That was for you.” Camila admitted.

“You wrote that for me?” Lauren’s jaw dropped.

“No.” The younger girl shook her head, wiping the tear and its trail away with the back of her hand. “I felt it. _You_ made me feel it.”

Lauren was speechless. _Don’t fucking cry._

“Wow. “ Was all she could manage to sputter out after God knows how long.

“I’m so happy you approached me in the library last semester.” Her student admitted. “And I’m incredibly grateful for being able to get to know you. Even if you are my TA, you’ve quickly become one of my best friends.” She quickly finished. If Lauren wasn’t clinging on to every word that had fallen from the sophomore’s mouth, she would have missed the slight hesitance before she finally settled on the word “friends.”

“You’re one of my best friends, too.” Lauren smiled, despite the curiosity growing inside her as to why the younger girl had hesitated previously.

“Your support means everything to me.” Camila continued. “You understand me on a level that no one else ever has and I’m usually so bad with words and expressing myself, but for some reason, you seem to make it easier. You’re really amazing, Lauren.”

She couldn’t help it. Lauren’s eyes fell to the younger girl’s lips as she felt her own gravitate towards them. And if she wasn’t mistaken, Camila was leaning in as well. _Wait? What? Was she really?_

It didn’t matter though, because both girls’ phones vibrated simultaneously. Camila jumped back in shock and the moment was gone, just as fleeting as it had begun.

Lauren internally cursed Normani for texting her before opening the message.

_Normani: Hey Laur, is Camila with you? Dinah’s looking… and slightly drunk._

Camila held up her own phone, displaying the message for Lauren to see.

_Cheechee: Chancho! WHERE the hellZ r u @?_

Lauren chuckled at the dancer’s texting style.

“I guess we should head back.” The older girl sighed, typing back a quick response to her roommate.

“I guess so.” The younger girl agreed, sending her own reply to her drunken friend before leading the way out. Her hand found Lauren’s again, almost as though they had magnetically been attracted to one another.

“Just for the record,” Lauren blushed. “You’re really amazing too, Camz.”

Camila hummed in response giving her hand a quick squeeze. The rest of the walk was spent in comfortable silence before they approached the apartment of the UDT party.

Dinah was hanging from the balcony with Normani and a few others cautiously watching as they continued to dance and chatter.

“Ayo! Chancho!!” The Tongan slurred. “Guys!” She motioned, flopping a large hand at the dancers with her. “Look! My Cuban booty has returned to me!” She laughed. A few teammates chuckled before returning back to their own conversations.

“Are you two holding hands?” Dinah pointed sloppily between the two, squinting exaggeratedly in a drunken stupor.

Lauren immediately let her hand drop to the side as Camila frowned, calling up to her roommate.

“Dinah Jane, you better not fall. I won’t be able to catch your sorry ass! I’ll be up in a second.”

“Romeo, oh, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?” The Tongan recited with great difficulty, gesturing grandiosely to the onlookers that were passing by on the street.  

“Ok, that’s enough.” Camila grumbled, face palming for good measure. “You coming?” She asked, directing her attention to the TA.

“Right behind you.” Lauren laughed and followed the student inside.

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not so normal routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 20**

Camila returned to her routine the next morning having only gotten two hours of sleep after the evening’s antics. Siope had taken Dinah to his dorm to spend the night, allowing the Latina a few hours of peace before she had to wake up and meet with her students. Since it was the weekend before the recital, the students’ lessons were combined into a dress rehearsal to be held in the community of the local retirement home.

Each child had finalized their pieces and the program list was saved onto Camila’s iPhone, ready to be printed once she got back to campus, with one additional sentence to be added on the cover.

“Hey Camila…” a gentle finger tapped on her shoulder once the rehearsal had ended. Camila gave greetings to the remaining parents that had attended with their children, informing each of the progress their child had made since the last recital, keeping in mind to mention plenty of strengths, along with what could be improved.

“Oh, hey Dennis! What’s up?” She smiled at the high schooler who had stood behind her, waiting patiently for her to finish conversing with the parents. “Your piece is perfect, are you excited for Saturday?” Camila asked.

The boy nodded but stood awkwardly, shuffling his feet as if the small talk was the last thing he wanted.

“Is there something you wanna talk about?” The teacher probed carefully.

“Well,” Dennis chewed his lip. “I just wanted to tell you that this is going to be my last recital. And that I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve taught me, in music and in life.”

“What?” She couldn’t help but gasp. “Why?! I thought you were a junior. You still have one more year.” The desperation in her voice startling the boy as he took a step back.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He nodded. “It’s not because I don’t love it, or you…” he stiffened. “In a strictly platonic way.” He corrected.

“Of course,” Camila chuckled, gesturing for him to continue.

“It’s just that I’m transferring schools.” The student explained. “I have to move. I’m going to live with my aunt while my parents stay here.” Dennis huffed in defeat.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Camila began. Dennis shook his head and she continued. “Why are _you_ moving but not your parents?”

The Latina noted the “deer-in-headlights” look across the young boy’s face. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t…”

Dennis shook his head, inhaling slowly before finally speaking again.

“It’s the bullies.” He explained. “It just got to be too much and I’m tired of having to pretend to be someone I’m not.” Camila noticed how dull the boy’s eyes had gotten as he spoke. “I always have to wear these t-shirts with super heroes on them that I don’t even know the names of. I smear mud on my jeans and food on my shirt.” He scrunched his nose, appalled. Camila grimaced as well.

“I feel like I always have to be some manly dude or I’ll just get picked on.” Dennis said. “And I don’t do a very good job at it because I still get picked on all the time.” He sighed. “I’ve tried to flirt with girls, but they all just laugh and call me queer. I’ve tried to be rough and try out for sports, but no one is willing to let me in the guy’s locker room. And if they do, I usually end up being locked in a locker instead. And if I cried, they’d make even more fun of me for it. So I stopped trying and quit.” Dennis frowned. Camila felt anger rage inside her as the boy still continued to voice his insecurities.

“Plus, there’s this one football player that I think is really cute.” Camila watched as the boy’s cheeks tinted pink and couldn’t help but crack a small smile as his eyes glossed over dreamily. “He’s got dark hair and light green eyes and an amazing smile.” Camila nodded in agreement. Those were very attractive features. She tried to imagine someone with the same traits as Dennis spoke, a celebrity, maybe. But for some reason, the only person she could picture was Lauren. Lauren had long, flowing dark hair with bold eyebrows that stood above her brilliant emerald eyes. And her smile was absolutely incredible. The more Camila thought about it, the faster her heart beat.

“He was the only one on the team who was nice to me.” Dennis’s voice brought her back to the matter at hand. “But every time he caught me looking at him, his friends were always around. And they always told me to ‘go to hell and leave them alone.’ We got caught hanging out outside of school once and after that he started treating me really differently. Like the way his friends treated me. And I’m just tired of it.” The boys eyes started to well up. Camila’s heart broke for her student. It wasn’t fair. None of it was.

“I’m so sorry, Dennis.” The college student said earnestly. “I wish I could have done something more to help. If I had known…”

“No.” The student cut off, raising his hand to stop her from dwelling on the past and ‘what-if’s.’

“You’ve done a lot for me already.” He assured. “You were my only real friend, a true friend.” He gave a bittersweet smile to which Camila returned wholeheartedly. “It’s for the best.”

“I’m gonna miss you, kiddo.” She nodded in understanding, giving the boy’s shoulder a squeeze.

“I’m gonna miss you too.” He agreed.

\---

On Monday, Camila began writing her word essay immediately once class had begun. The TA had written the word “stage” in cursive scrawl across the blackboard. The word had sparked something within the sophomore that she was just itching to write about. She knew that Lauren had probably written it because of the UDT’s performance on Friday, but Camila’s mind was on a different track, despite how wonderful the night had been.

_Stage_

_“All the world’s a stage.” – Shakespeare’s famous quote. I never knew how real that quote was until this weekend and how gender can be “performed” or “performative.” In gender being “performed,” a person takes on a role that can be discarded when he/she “leaves the stage.” In gender being “performative,” it is a phenomenon shaped by norms. These “norms” are often more like “stereotypes” and anyone who breaks them is considered odd or rebellious. Some people shame them, while others try to understand why they act out of the ordinary._

_A lot of the time, we learn about gender roles and what it means to be a “girl” or a “boy.” There are a certain set of “standards” or “lines” that need to be said that we have been habitually trained to do. We think, because of how we are raised. It starts as early as infancy. We are trained a certain way, told to think a certain thing, act under a specific stigma from the moment we are born. When baby girl is born, the hospital wraps her in a pink blanket. A boy, in blue. From there, we are groomed to believe that girls need to wear “pink” and be gentle and kind. She should grow up to be a compassionate animal lover, a wife who cooks, and a mother who tends to children. Oppositely, boys wear blue and need to be strong. He needs to be assertive, confident, and play sports._

_If a girl can lift more than a boy, she’s considered butch and society immediately jumps to the conclusion that she is a lesbian. Likewise, a friend of mine is gay, but only open about it to a few of his close friends and family. He feels the constant need to act “manlier” to keep up appearances, for fear of social ridicule. But why? People like him manage to completely change their mannerisms and posture to suit the performance, but at the end of the day, they still revert back to who they originally are. It can be said that how you act depends on where you are and who you’re with. He is constantly falling into the performative state._

_What’s wrong with a boy liking another boy? A girl falling in love with another girl? It’s his/her choice, not society’s. It’s sad to witness the clash in their character; a struggle of self. There is a difference between their biological self and their lived body; the ghost in the machine. In this case, the lived body is the ghost, and the machine is the social structure that seems to have control over how we function in it. There are certain “codes” that the machine needs for society to function. Men need to be “masculine” and women need to be “soft and gentle.” If roles are reversed, they’re a “fag” or a “dyke.” I find this absolutely infuriating._

As Camila continued writing, it no longer became a writing assignment. She had begun to rant, her fingers gaining speed as she typed angrily, pressing each key with more and more determination.

_Anatomically, a person is either male or female, but this is just his/her biological “sex.” It’s more a categorization, but with these labels comes expectations. Norms dictate that boys are expected to kiss girls and girls are expected to kiss boys. There’s no such thing as a prince charming finding another prince charming. When a boy kisses a boy, people freak out. They have defied the “gender role” that would normally be played by a “male.” If it’s at a party, people are quick to “blame it on the alcohol” when in reality, it’s a matter of emotion. I just don’t understand why this is such a problem to some people. We all have the same emotions, really. It’s the same chemicals reacting in our brains, but if they react to something society doesn’t deem as “status quo,” the balance of the world seems to get thrown off because the “standard” wasn’t followed._

Though she was unaware of it, Camila had actually worked herself up to the point where she began to cry angry tears.

“Hey,” Marielle whispered with an eyebrow raised in alarm. “Are you alright?”

“Mhmm.” Camila nodded, sniffling as she wiped at watery eyes, her vision blurring in and out of focus for a moment.

Luckily, she was saved from having to explain herself when Professor Pierce clapped his hands and dismissed the class for the day.

“You sure you’re alright?” Her best friend asked again.

“Positive.” Camila nodded. “I umm… I’ll catch up with you later.” She assured. “I just want to finish writing this.” Dinah and Marielle both shot her questioning looks but didn’t push it further, nodding and retreating from the classroom.

Camila waited for the classroom to empty out as she continued to write her word essay.

_Another thing I realized is that if two males are kissing at a party, people are more quick to blame alcohol because they don’t know how else to interpret it. They assume it’s just a “mistake.” But if two females are kissing at a party, males (mostly), consider it “hot” and some even go as far as to watch and encourage the behavior.  There’s a stigma to the sexuality and behavior of male vs. female._

_The aftermath of the parties always involve people trying to categorize people by their actions. Why label it? Do “straight men” always have to kiss “straight women?” Why do “men” have to be “strong and fearless” to be considered “heterosexual?” Why does everything need to be so set in stone? I think it’s okay to live a little in the grey area. Question everything, maybe?_

_People feel the need to label things they don’t understand. The “unnatural” behavior of others causes them “anxiety” and they find a way to alleviate this anxiety by trying to sort through the “unknown” and placing these people into limited categories with expected roles._ I think that’s why LGBT people, especially children, struggle so much with themselves. _They have higher suicide rates because of their internal and external struggles against social norms. It’s absolutely heart breaking._

_I don’t want the world to be a stage. I don’t want performances or actors. I want real people to be able to have real reactions and real lives._

“You writing a novel?” A husky voice came from behind her. Camila jumped in surprise as Lauren’s amused green eyes glittered in the light filtering through the classroom window.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It just seemed like you were typing nonstop. Your eyes are even watery from not blinking.” The TA jabbed playfully.

“Yeah…” Camila laughed nervously. “That’s what it was.”

“What are you actually writing?” Lauren quipped.

“The word essay.” The sophomore admitted, gaging the older girl’s reaction. “It’s pretty much done.”

“Already?” The junior seemed impressed. “Do you mind if I read it?”

Camila shook her head, sliding her laptop over to the TA who settled into the seat that Marielle had been occupying previously. She watched anxiously as Lauren’s green eyes trailed from left to right, line after line across the screen. Her slender fingers scrolled down the page occasionally and Camila couldn’t help but admire them. As a pianist, she had always been fascinated by hands and the anatomy of them; the way they curled, clenched, floated, flexed, and…

“Wow.” Lauren said finally, turning in her chair to face Camila head on. “That was intense. What prompted all that?” Her bold eyebrow quirked.

Camila felt her face heat up. “I’ve just b-been d-doing a lot of reflecting.” She stuttered. _Why was this happening again?_ Looking into those green eyes was making Camila’s heart do funny things.

“You’ve got a beautiful mind, Camz.” The TA complimented. Camila’s face felt even warmer at the junior’s words. “And an even more beautiful heart.” Lauren added, causing Camila’s cheeks to burn even brighter.

“Hey, so, umm… Are you doing anything Saturday?” The sophomore sputtered stupidly, desperate to change the subject. _Smooth, Camila._

“You know I don’t have any plans.” The TA teased. “I’m an anti-social hermit.” Lauren quoted as Camila recalled having described herself as such during one of their previous conversations.

“So, would you maybe want to go somewhere with me?” Camila asked. _Oh my god, what are you doing?_

“Camila Cabello, are you asking me out on a date?” The older girl mused. “Is that what the word essay was about?”

“What?” Camila’s eyes widened in panic. _Holy shit. Lauren thinks I’m a lesbian_. _Not that going on a date with her would be that bad. We practically do anyway when we hang out. Wait, what?_ “No! It’s a date, I promise.” The younger Latina began rambling. “I just, nevermind. You don’t have to. I…”

“Relax!” The TA laughed. “I was just teasing. I’d love to go to whatever cryptic place you’re inviting me to. But if you’re planning on murdering me in a dark alley somewhere downtown, I’d like a quick heads up so I can write my will.” Lauren beamed.

“What? No, I… it’s not even downtown.” Camila said. _Damn, why can’t I talk?_ “It’s kind of far from campus, actually.”

“That doesn’t sound suspicious at all.” The junior smirked.

“I…” Camila blushed furiously, gazing down at her hands _. What was she thinking? Lauren wouldn’t want to attend the recital. She doesn’t even play piano._

“I’m kidding.” Lauren reached down, giving the younger girl’s hand a squeeze. “Lighten up.”

“Alright,” Camila lifted her gaze, brown eyes meeting green. “Do you want me to pick you up or…”

“I have a car. I can just meet you there. It’s not a date, remember?” The older girl teased again.

“Right, sorry.” She blushed.

“Text me the address?” Lauren asked.

“Will do.” Camila nodded.

“So…” The hipster dragged out sheepishly.

“Hmm?” Camila squinted an eye.

“Do I get any hints as to where we’ll be going?” The TA asked.

“Nuh uhh.” The sophomore shook her head stubbornly. “It’s a surprise.”

“And you’re _not_ gonna murder me?” Lauren reiterated, pretending to still be hesitant about the situation.

Camila nodded. “Pinky promise.” She assured, holding out a pinky.

Lauren smiled in amusement as she looked down at the younger girl’s offering. After what Camila thought felt like a lifetime and a half, she held out her pinky as well. “Pinky promise.”

The two’s fingers laced together but just as Camila was about to release her finger, Lauren pulled their hands up to her lips.

“You have to kiss on it?” The TA said in confusion. “Didn’t you do that as a kid?”

“Kiss?” Camila’s eyes widened.  Lauren blushed in realization.

“Just on the hand.” She corrected.

“Oh…” The sophomore nodded. _Fucking idiot_. “Right. I knew that.” She attempted to laugh it off.

“Alright,” Lauren leaned in to kiss her hand as Camila did the same. Their faces were so close that Camila could see specks of gold in the TA’s eyes. She blinked rapidly as the moment passed, her own chocolate eyes falling to the junior’s plump lips. Camila bit her lower lip subconsciously.

“You still coming for Pretty Little Liars tonight?” Lauren asked, breaking the spell that her lips had entranced her with.

“Of course.” She nodded. “Dinah and I will be there. Marielle most likely as well.”

“Great.” The TA habitually reached into her boot, withdrawing her phone to click the home button and reveal the time. “I’ve gotta head over to office hours but I’ll see you then.”

Camila nodded in acknowledgement, allowing the TA to get up and leave before packing up her things and returning back to her dorm where a crazy Tongan roommate was probably waiting for her.

\---

Lauren lay on her back, tossing an old softball above her head as her mind wandered. While sitting in office hours, she and Camila had continued conversing as they usually had about books and philosophy. But there was one topic that Lauren was dying to touch on, but they seemed to have been tiptoeing around: sexuality. 

After reading Camila’s word essay, Lauren had a billion and one questions running through her head, but no matter how much she tried, their conversation seemed to completely steer clear of that direction.

When their conversation died down and she was heading to the dining hall to grab dinner, the sophomore had sent Lauren the address to the place they were meeting at Saturday afternoon. The TA, being her curious self, was unable to resist looking up the vicinity which is what had gotten her to this point.

The address was to a retirement home and when Lauren saw that, her mind spiraled, just as it always did.

“JAUREGUI!” A shrill voice shouted, jolting Lauren out of her trance, the softball landing harshly on her forehead.

“God damn it, Alexa! Why?!” She groaned, rubbing her sore spot, crawling from her place on the couch over to the fridge to grab an ice pack.

“If you would have responded the first seven times, I wouldn’t have had to yell at you just to get your attention.” Her roommate berated, her hands on her hips as she followed Lauren into the kitchen.

“What’s on your mind, Laur?” The model asked, settling across from Lauren in a barstool at the island.

“Camila asked me to go somewhere with her this Saturday.” The younger girl explained.

“That’s great!” Alexa beamed, leaning in on her elbows. “So, where’s your date at?” The older girl wiggled her eyebrows.

“That’s the thing, though.” Lauren chewed her lip. “It’s not a date.”

“Not a date?” Alexa sat back in her chair again, arms now crossed over her chest as she tossed her bangs out of her face. “Okay, so where are you going?”

“The retirement center.” She said flatly.

“What? Why?” The older girl was clearly just as confused as she was.

“I don’t know.” Lauren sighed, rubbing her temples. “That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.”

“What even led up to that?” Alexa asked.

“I don’t know.” Lauren shrugged, running a hand through her wavy locks. “She was writing about sexuality and the struggle between living your life and the freedom of being yourself versus social norms and the way society wants you to act.”

“Oh, so is she…?” Alexa made two peace signs with her fingers, bumping them where they were parted to make a scissoring motion.

“Oh my god!” Lauren groaned in embarrassment as she rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. She said she was ‘reflecting.’” The TA made air quotes around the word.

“Reflecting?” Her roommate repeated.

“Yeah… whatever that means.” The green-eyed girl huffed, her gaze dropping to the counter as she continued to think.

“Holy shit!” She straightened after a few moments of silence between the two.

“What?”

“What if she’s asking me to go to the retirement home to meet her parents? Like, when you take home a boy that you like to get your parents approval. What if they’re residents there?” Lauren’s voice was now filled with alarm. “I don’t know how to impress parents. How am I supposed to…”

“Whoa! Whoa!” Alexa held up two hands. “Stop! Whoa! Slow down. I highly doubt that’s the case.” She consoled. “Besides, I don’t mean this in an offensive way, but how do you even know if she likes you like that? Just because she was writing about someone being gay, doesn’t mean she was coming out to you.”

“I guess you’re right.” Lauren sighed, feeling much calming listening to her roommate’s logic.

“You’ve gotta stop questioning everything all the time.” The older girl teased, gesturing at the marking on Lauren’s wrist.

“I can’t help it.” She pouted. “It’s what I do.”

“I know.” Her roommate laughed. “I grew up with you, remember?”

“How could I forget? Lauren rolled her eyes. “You got me into so much trouble!”

“I helped you appreciate life.” Alexa argued back. “You weren’t living life to the fullest.”

“Yes because being grounded for a month for trying to climb the roof and ruining the shingles was going to help me do that.” Lauren recalled. When they were in tenth grade, the pair had tried to climb onto the room by removing the window screen from Lauren’s bedroom, only to clumsily send the screen plummeting to the ground, slipping and dislodging the shingles as they attempted to grasp it before it hit the grass. “Confinement totally equates to experiencing the world.” She added sarcastically.

“Ok, Sass Master.” Alexa chuckled. “Calm yourself. You’ve proven your point.” The older girl held up a fist, pretending to wave a white flag in surrender.

“Thank you.” Lauren smirked proudly.

Just as Alexa had opened her mouth to continue their conversation, a knock came from the apartment door.

“I’ve got it!” Normani shouted from her room. A clamber of sounds was heard, before squeals of excitement rang out through the apartment, most likely from Dinah and Normani reuniting after the weekend.

The dancers bounced into the living room as Camila and Marielle followed, shutting the door politely before waving at the two remaining roommates sitting in the kitchen who stood guiltily as they returned the greeting.

“It’s about to start,” Camila said, pointing over her shoulder at the television. “You guys coming?”

“Uhh,” The pair of juniors glanced at each other.

“We’ll be out in a minute.” Alexa answered for the both of them.

“Let us know if we miss anything major.” Lauren finished.

When they were left alone again, the level of their conversation died down to a hushed whisper.

“She seems to be acting normally.” Alexa observed.

“That’s because she doesn’t know I know.” Lauren countered.

“Know you know what?” Alexa repeated. To anyone observing the two, their conversation would almost appear comedic.

Lauren stretched her neck out to look past the doorway into the living room. Camila was sitting on the corner of the couch, curled comfortably next to Marielle.

“That it’s at the retirement home.” She breathed.

“What do you mean?” Alexa questioned.

“She gave me an address, but didn’t say what it was. I think it was supposed to be a surprise, but I looked it up.” The TA confessed.

“Lauren!” The older girl scolded.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it.” She bit her lip ashamedly.

“Well now you can’t let her know.” Alexa lectured. “Serves you right for snooping anyway.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” Lauren sassed.

“Do you want my help or not?” The older junior gave a pointed look.

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” The younger student sighed.

“Alright.” Alexa gave an encouraging smile. “Let’s just focus on tonight and…”

“Lolo! Ferrari! Let’s go!” Dinah sing-songed from the living room.

“Ferrari?” Alexa raised an eyebrow.

“I’ve just learned to go with it.” Lauren chuckled.

“Shall we?”

“Coming!” The TA shouted back and the two went to join their friends on the couch.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camila confides in Dinah for some help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 21**

The week progressed much more quickly than the sophomore had anticipated. After an incredibly strange evening at the juniors; apartment, Camila wondered if she had done something to upset the older girl who she had seen whispering in the kitchen with her tall, thin roommate. The entire evening, Lauren was constantly being nudge by her older roommate before forcing a nervous smile in Camila’s direction.

“Dinah,” Camila asked as she tried on another dress. The Tongan twirled a finger and Camila spun around once before the younger girl shook her head. “Do you think Lauren has been acting a bit odd lately?” Camila asked as she stepped out of the dress into another.

“No.” The Tongan scrunched her nose. “Why? D’ju do something to piss her off?”

“I don’t know.” Camila shrugged, struggling to zip the new garment before Dinah came to her rescue. “She just seems awkward around me.”

“You _are_ an awkward person.” The Tongan teased, giving the Latina a light tap to the butt.

“Dinah!” Camila slapped the girl’s large hand away. “I’m serious. I need real advice right now. We’re supposed to hang out on Saturday and I don’t want…”

“Wait. Back it up. You’re hanging out on Saturday? Isn’t that the recital?”

“Yeah, I invited her.”

“Whoa. That’s…”

Camila nodded, reading what her roommate was implicating. Piano was something incredibly intimate and special to her, but she was also reluctant to share it. It wasn’t that she was being a snob, but it made her nervous. She wouldn’t even invite Dinah after her catastrophe when Marielle was invited in sixth grade. 12 year old Camila practically had an anxiety attack on the stage. She loved music, but sharing it with her friends was terrifying. Even though she was almost certain her friend would never judge, having them see her bearing all of her emotions in the most raw, vulnerable way possible was scary. Nerve-wrecking. 

This recital was going to be her baby, so to speak; the most personal of any recital she had ever posted. This recital was going to commemorate not only two of her departing students, but also pay tribute in dedication to the woman who inspired it all.

“You’re probably just stressing about it and it’s making you paranoid. She’s been fine to me and Marielle.”

 _Marielle and I._ She held her tongue.

“And you guys are still texting and talking, right?”

Camila nodded. It was true. Though their discussions seemed cautious and only skimmed the surface of the deep conversations they were used to having, at least they were still communicating. 

“So don’t worry about it.”

Camila bit her lip, despite the words of comfort her roommate was offering.

“A’ight fine,” Dinah sighed. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll talk to Mani and see if she noticed anything.”

“Thank you.” Camila said, relieved.

“Just focus on getting through tomorrow.” The younger girl coached. “This is your moment.”

“My students’ moments.” She corrected.

“Yours, too.” Dinah shook her head. “Mrs. Stein would be proud.” The Tongan gave an encouraging hug.

\---  
The next morning, Camila arrived two hours early to help set up the chairs and arrange the stage in the retirement home’s community room. Aside from the occasional greeting from some curious and slightly delusional elderlies, all had gone smoothly.

A confused Lauren arrived 10 minutes before the recital began in a floral sundress and soft pastel colors. It was quite the change from her usual attire of plaid and dark combat boots. The large glasses she normally wore were gone, her beanie, nowhere to be seen. Her brown hair was now pinned back, cascading over her bare shoulder blades and down her back. Camila had to consciously lecture herself to stop staring so creepily.

When Lauren caught view of her, Camila waved her over, gesturing to the seat next to her in the rear of the room. The TA seemed to relax at the sight of a friendly face she recognized, the nervous expression on her features fading slightly. Camila felt relieved at that and handed over her copy of the program to the older girl.

“Thanks for coming.” She greeted with a wide grin.

“Thanks for inviting me.” The TA smiled. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Not this, definitely.”

“What were you thinking? “

The junior looked like deer in headlights.

“Murder by elderly assault?” Camila joked, desperate to ease the awkward tension that she was still feeling.

It worked and Lauren cracked a smile before throwing her head back in laughter. The younger Latina joined in at the sound, her spirits lifted. Lauren’s laugh really just made her day.

“Not quite, but almost as bad.” She jabbed. Camila rolled her eyes playfully before nudging Lauren’s knee with her own.

“So,” The older girl continued. “A piano recital, huh? I should have guessed.”

“These are my students and it’s our annual Valentine’s Day recital.” Camila pointed to the title on the cover of the program that was resting in the older girl’s lap.

“An afternoon to share a love we all share; the love of music.” Lauren said, reading the subtext out loud. “Very cute.”

“Camila felt herself blush. She glanced at the clock, giving herself an excuse to avert her eyes from the hypnotizing green ones in front of hers.

“Looks like we better get this show on the road.’ She stuttered, standing abruptly and walking through the center aisle to the front of the stage. She smiled at her students, admiring their adorable attire of frilly dresses and bowties before clearing her throat.  

\---

Lauren couldn’t help it. She was expecting the most bizarre of situations to occur and when she realized what the meeting really was for, she felt so stupid. Alexa was right. She really did have to stop overthinking everything. It was going to drive her crazy in the end.

She had spent the entire week trying to analyze what Camila’s standpoint was about possibly dating a girl, and by girl, she meant the possibility of Camila dating her. She had practically lost her mind thinking about it. What would the girls say? What’s Camila’s type? Would Camila say yes if Lauren asked her out? She seemed to be supportive of the gay friend she mentioned, but was she opposed to lesbians? Lauren wasn’t really a lesbian. Bisexual, maybe? Camila-sexual? God, it was all that damn word esssay’s fault!

But now, seeing Camila without having the worry about classes, TA-ing, or any of their other friends, Lauren felt her mind slowly relax and she focused her attention solely on her friend. It might also have to something to do with the fact that Camila was dressed in a tight, red dress that hugged her curves in all the right ways. _Mind out of the gutter, Jauregui._

Lauren looked up to see Camila standing at the front of the stage, her face glowing as a smile stretched from ear to ear. In any other situation, Lauren thought, Camila would be shaking in her boots at the thought of public speaking. She always seemed to be the quieter type that only really let loose when she was with a small group of friends that she trusted.

“Thank you all for coming out today to share an initiate afternoon full of love, music, and a love for music.” She greeted the audience of parents, family members, and friends of her students, as well as retirees that had come to appreciate the music.

“These students have been preparing for this for almost two months and have progressed incredibly since the holiday recital last year. I am so proud of each and every one of them. So please, give them the loudest applause and your unwavering support.” Camila gestured a hand at the pupils that were sitting in the front two rows, leading the audience in clapping for her students. 

 “Now, we’re going to start this off with my youngest student.” She announced. “Beth, are you ready?”

“Yup!” A small voice piped.

Lauren watched as a petite little girl, whose legs were dangling off the chair she was perched on, hopped off and skipped happily over to the stage, climbing in an unladylike fashion over the edge, flashing the audience with her pink Backyardigans undies. Lauren, as well as quite a few audience members couldn’t help but stifle an endearing laugh as she settled atop the piano bench. Camila followed close behind, choosing to take the steps before adjusting the distance for the little girl on the bench, giving her a pat on the head.

The piano teacher descended the stairs and took center stage at the floor, giving the young child a nod.

“Whenever you’re ready, Bethy.” She said in the hushed room.

The little girl raised her hands to rest them on the keys and Camila took that as her cue to return to her seat.

“She just turned six.” Camila whispered when she sat down. Lauren smiled, observing the youngster. Her pigtails swung slightly as she kicked her feet happily as she played. It was the epitome of childhood innocence. Lauren couldn’t help but feel her heart grow lighter at the sight. Her eyes met Camila’s, and the younger girl smiled knowingly, reaching over to give her hand a squeeze.

Lauren felt her stomach topple. She turned her attention back to the stage in hopes that Camila would not notice her cheeks tinting pink.

She watched all sorts of performances, some children getting nervous, looking at their parents in fear of disapproval or disappointment. Others looked to Camila who nodded a reassuring smile and sending thumbs up gestures. Every student was always able to play after that. They really adored her, Lauren noticed. Not that she could blame them. She adored the young sophomore as well.

The final performance was by the only male student.

She felt Camila lean over, her hot breath hitting the shell of her ear as she whispered.

“Dennis is my favorite. He lives for this.” The younger Latina said in a hushed tone before sitting back upright in her seat, her hands crossed on her knees.

Lauren watched his fingers fly across the keys, curving gracefully at the slower tempos, flexing with determined strokes at the dramatic parts, and floating with ease from one side of the key to the other with precision and speed.

Camila was right. The boy came alive. Everyone in the room could see it, feel it. His eyes were closed as he swayed, leaning in and out slightly, his head lulling from side to side. He didn’t even need to open his eyes during the piece he was performing. It was as if he and the piano were one entity, his fingers, simply an extension of the contrasting ivories.  

When the ringing of the final chord had ended, the entire room was silent.

Camila stood and initiated the first round of applause as the rest of the audience joined in. She made her way to the front of the stage again before speaking.

“Thank you, Dennis, for that brilliant performance.” She smiled, giving the boy a wink as he returned to his seat. 

“Since this is the closing of the recital, I want to acknowledge two of my incredibly talented students who will be ending this chapter of their lives with me. Christine, who is graduating and Dennis, who is moving, have just completed their last piano recital.” Camila’s face fell for a second. Lauren felt a tug at her heartstrings. Camila really loved these kids, maybe more than she loved books or playing the piano. It only made Lauren’s feelings for the girl grow stronger.

“And now, for the final note, no pun intended,” Camila smirked. The audience chuckled. “Teaching your students has been the great gift. They’ve inspired me in ways I never could have imagined.” The sophomore said gratefully. “The relationship between student and teacher is more than just mentoring. It’s a never-ending bond.” Her voice cracked. Lauren watched her smooth out her dress as she cleared her throat.

“And today’s recital was dedicated to the woman who once stood where I am, as a teacher for your students. A mentor, a friend, and my never-ending bond. If it’s alright with you all, I’d like to play a piece as a tribute to Mrs. Stein, my own piano teacher, who recently passed away. Without her, I wouldn’t be standing here today. She made me realize my love for music and inspired me to share my love with students like your songs and daughters. So Mrs. Stein,” Camila looked up. “This is for you.”

The room grew solemnly quiet as the young woman in the red dress made her way to the stage. Lauren watched tears fall from the sophomore’s eyes as she executed the tragically beautiful piece.

A thunderous applause erupted when Camila inhaled shakily as the piece ended. When Lauren glanced down, she saw that the program she was holding in her lap was now clenched in her fist, the parchment damp from her own tears. Upon further observation, she noticed that she wasn’t the only one. At least half of the audience was either crying or teary-eyed.

As she collected herself, trying to savor what was left of her running eye makeup, a short young woman came out of nowhere, squealing, before launching herself into Camila’s arms.

The sophomore returned the hug with an equally enthusiastic squeal and wrapped both arms excitedly around the dirty blonde.

Ally? Ari? Lauren strained her ears, trying to catch the name of the girl and what her relation to Camila was.

She froze, standing guiltily when Camila pointed in her direction, approaching with her fingers laced in the shorter girl’s.

“Lauren, this is Ariana.” Camila introduced. “Ari, Lauren.”

“Hi.” Lauren said through gritted teeth. The petite girl was tan, thin, and undeniably gorgeous with long flowing hair, big brown eyes, and an irresistible dimple that would make anyone fall in love with her.

“Ari is…” Camila began but was cut off by the girl.

“The love of her life.” Ariana laughed.

“Oh, shut up.” Camila blushed, shoving the shorter girl playfully in the same manner as she had Lauren many times.

If it were Dinah, Normani, or anyone else, Lauren wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but this Ariana girl was getting under her skin and she had no idea why. Well, that was a lie. She knew why. Lauren Jauregui was jealous. And she never got jealous. Yet, here she was with her hands clenched by her sides as she watched Ariana pull Camila away hurriedly.

“Thanks for coming, Lo!” The sophomore shouted over her shoulder as she hustled behind the smaller girl.

Lauren watched dumbfounded as the two disappeared amongst the crowd of audience patrons. She considered staying and waiting until they had finished meeting and greeting the rest of the parents, but the more she watched, the more jealous she got. Eventually, she left dejectedly and returned back to her apartment.

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy arises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 22**

“Ariana!” Camila finally tugged her arm back once the room had cleared out. “Seriously? What the hell?”

“Sorry, can’t a girl hang out with her kid sister?” Ariana chuckled, now sitting on the steps at the side of the stage.

“Well, yeah, but did you have to be so forward about it.” Camila rolled her eyes, moving to join her.

“I’m a hot blooded Italian.” The older girl grinned. “It’s what I do. You’re a Latina. You should be used to the feistiness.”

Camila placed her hands on her hips, shooting the girl a stern look.

“Okay, okay.” Ariana held her hands up in defeat. “I’m sorry.”

Camila accepted the apology . “I mean this in the nicest way possible.” She prefaced. “But, what are you doing here?”

She hadn’t seen Ariana since her freshman year of high school. The girl was a senior when she was just a little thing. The popular girl had come to her rescue and took her under her wing after fending off a group of meathead bullies. Having a senior friend did wonders for Camila. Ariana was like a guardian angel. She made sure that Camila and Marielle both were of decent social status when she left, and aside from an occasional shove here and there, they were pretty much safe in the hierarchy of the high school population.

“I was visiting Nonna and Grandpa for Valentine’s Day.” Ariana explained. “I can’t believe it. Such a small world.”

“Tell me about it!” Camila agreed. “Did you know that there’s a theory about six people connecting you to anyone in the world? It’s called the Six Degrees of Separation.” The sophomore explained. “One person knows another person who knows someone else and so on. I could connect you to someone like Liz Gillies and you wouldn’t even know it!”

Arian snorted. “Oh, Mila,” The dirty blonde shook her head with a chuckle, “I’ve missed you and your nerdy fun facts.”

“In my defense, I’ve toned them down since high school.” Camila said with a blush.

“You shouldn’t. You’re gonna find someone who loves you and your brilliantly profound mind.” The older girl teased. “Someone just as brainy and intelligent as you.”

‘Thanks Ari.” Camila’s face brightened even more.

‘Hey, do you wanna grab a bite to eat?” Ariana asked. “Spaghetti?”

“You know me so well.” The pianist beamed.

“Yay!” The petite girl cheered. “There’s this awesome Italian place that I always take my grandparents to when I come visit.”

“Peppito’s Oven?” Camila asked.

The shorter girl nodded. “That’s the one. What about your friend? Where’d she go?” Ariana paused, surveying the empty room. “Lorri?”

“Lauren.” Camila corrected.

“Right.” The Italian nodded. “That’s what I said.” She lied shamelessly.

Camila gave her a light-hearted nudge, rolling her eyes. “I’ll text her.”

_Camila: Hey. Sorry! Where’d you go? Do you want to join Ari and me for some food? Spaghetti at Peppito’s?_

Her phone buzzed a few moments later.

_Lauren: Sorry. I had to run. :( Thanks for the invite. I’ll see you Monday._

Camila frowned. She had to admit, she was a little disappointed. Even though she had just spent the last hour and a half with the girl, she missed her already.

_Camila: Okay! Thanks again for coming. It meant the world to me._

“Looks like it’s just you and me.” Camila sighed after she had sent her response to the TA.

“Great!” Clapped Ariana. “We have lots of catching up to do!”

The two linked arms and exited the building. Ariana sent a quick message to her brother, Frankie, telling him she would be back later.

Climbing into the Latina’s car, the duo set off for Peppito’s.  

“So,” The Italian smiled mischievously, turning the radio down. “It’s Valentine’s Day. What’s happening in the romance department, Mila?”

“Nothing really.”Camila shrugged, her eyes glued to the road.

“No special someone who appreciates your quirky facts?” Ariana teased, giving her a poke. The car jerked slightly and she let out a laugh. Camila gave her stern glare before quickly returning her attention to navigating the vehicle.

“It’s okay,” The older girl continued to tease, her hands now in her lap. “I appreciate your dorkiness.”

“Actually, there is someone, so I don’t need your pity.” The younger girl stuck her tongue out playfully.

Ariana gasped. “Who is he?” The older girl asked, now genuinely interested, disregarding the playful manner of their previous banter.

“Well, not someone like that,” Camila chewed her lip. She could feel Ariana’s brown doe eyes watching her, unsatisfied with her vague response.

One thing Ariana was great at doing was manipulating information out of you. She continued to stare, eyes boring into the side of her head, waiting for her to crack under the pressure.

“It’s not like that.” Camila repeated when they had hit a stop light. She turned to face her entire body to the girl in the passenger seat.

Ariana arched a brow, refusing the believe her. “Who is it?” she pressed.

Gosh. Camila had forgotten how relentless Ariana was when it came to gossip. She licked her lips again noticing that her bottom lip was now chapped and tender from her teeth scraping across the skin. “I don’t think it’s like that.” She admitted. “But she appreciates my facts.”

“Hmmm. A lot has changed since I last saw you.” Ariana implied. “Tell me more.”

Camila knew what she was hinting at. Lately, the idea of sexuality had been quite a common topic in her day to day life. Or maybe it was just that Camila was constantly thinking about it, especially because of Dennis and the strange way that Lauren seemed to be acting after she had read her word essay. That, and the fact that something about being near the hipster made her heart beat so much faster, her stomach do flips, and her brain go haywire.

“Hmm?” Ariana probed, noting the contemplative look on Camila’s face.

“I don’t know.” The dark haired girl shrugged, trying to play it off casually. “She makes me feel safe and special.”

Her response seemed to satisfy the Italian for the moment. The rest of the drive revolved around the college grad and her “sexcapades” and crazy alcohol-induced antics. Camila couldn’t help but laugh at how different they truly were.

The spaghetti was amazing and before she knew it, they were climbing back into Camila’s car, returning to the retirement home so that Ariana could meet up with her the rest of her family.

Before exiting the vehicle, the Italian paused, one foot outside of the vehicle. She seemed to be debating her next words carefully. Finally she turned, retreating her foot back and closing the door.

Camila tilted her head in confusion at the intense look her older friend was giving her; her eyes searching her face for something. It felt like ages before she spoke.

“You’ve gotta tell her.” Ariana urged.

The pianist blinked, dumbfounded. Ariana had returned to the previous topic and Camila blushed. The Italian was never one to let something go that easily, she should have known.

“You’re such a romantic and she could be good for you.” The shorter girl placed a hand gently on Camila’s shoulder.

The sophomore sighed. The more she thought about it, the more she thought she might actually have romantic feelings for Lauren, her TA, her friend. _Holy shit._

She shook her head, clearing her thoughts as best as she could. “I don’t think she rolls that way.” Camila finally said, averting her gaze.

“How do you know?” Ariana leaned forward, lowering her head to try and catch the younger girl’s eyes. “Mila…” She pressed gently.

“I don’t, but she just seems…”

Ariana interrupted before she could finish. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Camila replied warily, her hands now clenching the steering wheel, despite the fact that they were sitting in a parked car.

“Is it… Lauren?”

The look on her face gave everything away.

\---

Lauren trudged into class Monday morning completely exhausted. After the weekend’s events, she was in no mood to teach today, especially not with the cause of her anger sitting so contently in the middle of the room, watching her every move.

Their texting conversations over the weekend had remained short and strained.

Grabbing the chalk from the ledge of the chalkboard, on her way in, she carelessly wrote R-E-D in huge letters before sitting down in her usual desk at the back of the room.

At first, she was just confused and admittedly jealous over the petite girl that had swooped in and robbed her of Camila. Not that Lauren really owned Camila, but she was the one who invited Lauren to the recital in the first place. And didn’t that entitle Lauren to at least some of her time?

She knew that she shouldn’t be mad. She had spent an hour and a half with the girl before Ariana had come in. She could have sat in the back and whispered with Camila, just as the younger girl had been periodically, but she was just too captivated by everything that was happening. In hindsight, she cursed herself for being so dumbfounded and not actually responding back to the younger girl’s comments, just nodded her head, eyes transfixed on the stage.

But then again, why should she feel back? She was being a respectful audience member. Constantly whispering, even if it was in the back, and even if it was with the teacher, wasn’t polite anyway. Camila should have allotted more time for them to hang out.

And yet, she couldn’t really get mad at Camila, could she? It was Ariana’s fault, right? But why couldn’t Camila be more firm with the petite girl? It’s not like Ariana could beat her up or anything she objected to being pulled away. That could only mean that Camila went willingly. Or maybe it was because Camila was just too nice of a person to say no. Or maybe Camila just went willingly because she didn’t want to be around Lauren’s mute behavior any longer.

She clenched her jaw, frustrated with her thoughts that refused to be silent. In a poor attempt to distract herself, she logged onto CMW and Tumblr, switching between the two.

During the last ten minutes of class, a submission for the week’s word essay was posted. She grimaced knowing exactly who had submitted it without having to bother looking at the student’s name.  
  
Despite her better judgment, she clicked on the name. _Karla C, Cabello._

_Red: When people are angry, there’s a phrase that constitutes them as “seeing red.” When they’re jealous, they “see green.” I don’t really think of red when I’m angry. On the color wheel, red is the opposite of green, but anger isn’t the opposite of jealousy. The two are more complimentary if anything. Sometimes I think anger should be blue, but that’s already taken by “sadness”. Maybe red should be associated with love more often. There’s this phenomenon that I’ve always been fascinated by called ‘synesthesia.’ It’s where you can see a word or hear a phrase and suddenly, it triggers something else. People who have this unique trait can actually hear colors. I wonder what red or green sounds like. To me, I think red would sound like love, like playing a piano. And green would sound like thousands of tiny crystals falling from a starry night sky and fluttering eyelashes. You would probably have to focus really hard to hear them._

_Most people would probably associate red with love. I don’t really know what love is. People always say that I’m supposed to find my prince charming and have him come and sweep me completely off my feet. I guess I’ve felt infatuated or attracted to someone, but I don’t really know if I could love someone until I’ve completely understood the way their mind works. F. Scott Fitzgerald said that” there are many times of love, but never the same love twice.” I guess that makes sense. I know that I love my parents, and I love my sister, but the way I love my sister is different from the way I love my parents. And that type of love; a love for a person, is completely different from my love for music and playing the piano. When I play the piano, I close my eyes and I feel like I’m flying. I haven’t met anyone who has made me feel like that yet, but I think I’ve come pretty close. Still, I don’t know if I know what love is. Can it really be defined in words? It’s an emotion; a release of chemical signals to the brain, but for some reason, it feels like so much more than that. Care vs. love… it’s an innate connection that I feel I was born with to love my parents. When my little sister was born, I felt an instinct to love her because she was my sibling. But to love another person who is not of the same blood is a lot harder because we put ourselves out there to be vulnerable._

_I think that’s why I’ve been so hesitant to try and find someone to love. But recently, a friend of mine kind of put things into perspective for me. And maybe, love is something that I already knew how to do, I just wasn’t aware of it. Maybe love was already there and I didn’t see it._

Lauren was fuming. _Fucking Ariana._ She couldn’t help but slam her laptop closed, a little too loudly and all heads turned towards her seat in the back of the room, one pair of eyes meeting hers worriedly.

Guess whose.

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wisdom of an elder... or something like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 23**

Camila froze, the expression on her face resembling that of a deer-in-headlines, her brown eyes widened in surprise.

“I see the way you look at her.” Ariana said lightly. “She’s special to you.”

“She’s my friend and she’s helped me through a lot of stuff…” Camila tried to reason, but was immediately cut off by the Italian.

“I’ve helped you through a lot of stuff too,” The older girl chuckled. “But you don’t look at me that way.”

“What way?” The sophomore tilted her head in confusion.

“Like you love her.” Ariana said with a gentle smile.

“I…” Camila paused to consider her friend’s point. Maybe Lauren was special, yes. But love? Was it possible? _You know it is._

 “But I don’t know what love is.” The younger girl deflected.

“Maybe not cognitively,” The dirty blonde suggested. “But subconsciously, you do. Your heart does.”

Camila was taken aback by the profoundness of the older girl’s statement. It sounded like something she, or maybe Lauren, could have said. _There you go again, thinking about Lauren._

“And if you ask me, I think she looks at you the same way.” Ariana continued with a shrug, as if the comment were an afterthought. That _really_ caught the Latina’s attention then.

“Sh-sh-she what?” Camila sputtered in shock.

“I’m just saying, maybe the feeling is mutual.” The Italian proposed. “Maybe you two feel the same way but don’t know it.”

“Yeah right.” The pianist snorted. “I think she and another kid in our class have some type of thing going on.”

“Why would you think that?” The older girl asked, now intrigued by the possibility to continue gossiping.

“They went out a couple of times during the beginning of the semester.” Camila explained.

“Well, it’s the middle of the semester.” Ariana reasoned. “Do they still hang out?”

“Not really, I don’t think…” The Latina paused. “I think she mostly just hangs out with our mutual group of friends.”

“And by that, you mean she hangs out with _you_.” The shorter girl suggested. 

“Well…” Camila couldn’t argue with that. It was true. Even though they had a large group of friends now, the pair was the ones to hang out the most separately from the group, aside from Dinah and Normani. And even their “hang out” time were mostly dictated by dance rehearsals and not so much their own free will. Camila and Lauren were constantly together, and when they weren’t, they were texting.

“Mila, I’m saying this genuinely as a non-biased friend,” Ariana said seriously, bringing the girl out of her thoughts. “You haven’t dated anyone since your sophomore year of high school and that kid, what was his name? Adam?”

“Austin.” Camila corrected. “And we never dated. I just thought he was cute.”

“Right,” The Italian nodded as she continued. “I tried to get you two together and you were too scared to do anything I ever suggested.” The Italian pouted disapprovingly.

“It’s four years later, Mila. Come on!” she threw her hands up in the air for dramatic effect. “You need to open up to someone. And who knows, maybe she could be the one. But you’ll never know until you try.”

“I don’t like her.” Camila lied hoping to again deflect the conversation elsewhere, but her friend saw right through her act, thinking quickly with her own retaliation.

“No.” Ariana nodded in agreement. “But you love her.”

And again, Camila felt her stomach turn at the thought. But not in a bad way, in a fluttery, fire-burning-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach kind of way.

“Look, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, Mila,” Ariana said seriously. “But I’m just saying, maybe it’s time to take a chance.” She encouraged. “Put yourself out there. It could be the best thing to happen to you.”

And with that, the older girl left the car, pecking Camila on the cheek, leaving the sophomore to her thoughts.

Maybe Ariana had a point.

\---  
  
That evening, Camila parked her car in the campus lot and scurried back to the dorm where her roommate was waiting expectantly for her return. After filling the Tongan in on the evening’s events and the conversation she had with her former high school peer, the two had concluded that maybe the reason Lauren was acting strangely was because there was the potential that the feeling between them was mutual, whatever the feeling was.

Surprisingly, Dinah had been quite receptive to the idea and didn’t tease her about the new information. In fact ,she was rather supportive of it. Though Camila was still hesitant, the younger girl had convinced her to try to consider the possibility that her feelings for Lauren extended beyond just friendship. Maybe it wasn’t love, but it was more than just two friends. And maybe that was where Lauren stood in terms of their friendship/relationship as well.

“You’ve kissed before, right?” Dinah asked. Camila could only nod bashfully.

“But she was drunk.” The dark haired girl added, her downcast as she picked nervously at her cuticle, a nervous habit that she had started to pick up after being around Lauren too much.

“Do you remember when we read that short story for Pierce’s class about the flapper and the aristocrat?”

“Password.” Camila affirmed with a nod.

“Drunk words speak sober thoughts.” Her roommate reminded, alluding to the discussion they had in class that day.

“But she didn’t say anything.” Camila reasoned.

“No,” Dinah agreed. “But actions speak louder than words.”

Camila considered the possibility. All of her friends seemed to be getting more insightful every day. Everyone was starting to sound like Lauren. Everyone and everything was starting to remind her of the green-eyed girl. It was concerning to her sanity, but mostly, it was just comforting to be able to see the older girl in everything.

_You sound desperate._

Camila sighed as the dorm was filled silence, both girls contemplating what to be said next.

“I liked the kiss.” She finally admitted.

“Then I think you have your answer.” Dinah smiled.

“But now what?” Camila groaned, flopping against her mattress.

“Drop hints.” Her roommate smiled.

“How? I’m so inexperienced. I don’t know I’m doing.” Camila began to panic. “I can’t just tell her. I don’t know how. What if I choke on my own spit when I try? Or stutter? Or if nothing even comes out of my mouth?”

“You’ll figure something out.” The taller girl encouraged. “Actions speak louder than words, remember?”  

\---

“Something the matter, Ms. Jauregui?” The old man asked.

After her little interruption, Professor Pierce had asked Lauren to stay back after the lecture had ended so that he could speak with her privately.

“I don’t really even know where to start.” Lauren sighed as she sat across from her professor at the desks in the back of the classroom. “I’ve just been having some personal issues.”

“Would you like to talk about it?” The elderly man offered carefully, his wise eyes studying the TA’s posture and body language for any warning signs of another outburst.

“I just have a lot of things I want-” she sighed. “I need to say to someone, but I’m afraid that once they hear them, things won’t be the same between us.”

“Nothing permanent will remain permanent.” The professor quoted. “You of all people, I believe, would understand that.”

Lauren nodded, giving the man a half smile in acknowledgement.

“True, but I don’t know if I want to lose this person, even though I feel like I already have.”

“The most important things are the hardest to say.” Professor Pierce offered. “Stephen King.” He gave her knee a loving tap. “I know that you think this situation may end poorly, but you must keep in mind, there is also the possibility that it may end up much better than you originally imagined it to be.”

“Thanks.” Lauren gave a grateful smile. Though she wasn’t feeling that much better about it all, she appreciated the fact that the man was trying to help and was actually showing genuine concern by wanting to help.

“I shall let you get on to your office hours.” The professor said, glancing at his pocket watch. “Maybe in your down time you can give it a little thought.” He encouraged.

_If only he knew how much thought you tend to give everything._

“Okay, Professor Pierce.” She nodded, gathering her belongings and slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Thank you.” She said finally as she made her way to her office.

Lauren was grateful that her office hours were uneventful. No one had shown up and she only had a few more minutes left before they were officially over. She had managed to keep Ariana and Camila out of her mind until there was a knock on the door. She paused, folding down the corner of the book she had been reading and shutting it completely. After placing the literature on the desk, she straightened, hooking her black framed glasses on her collar.

“Yes?” She gulped as the door pushed open.

“Hey, do you have a second?” A familiar, raspy voice asked. In stepped the girl she had been trying to avoid thinking about. Karla Camila Cabello, in the flesh.

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confronting her fears and her heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 24**

Camila waited nervously at the door. She had taken Dinah’s advice and hinted at her potential feelings for her friend, but by the way Lauren had reacted from the back of the room, Camila had a feeling that the feelings weren’t as mutual as she had been lead to believe. Wanting to rectify the situation, she took the initiative to apologize to the TA.

When she arrived at the junior’s office door, her hand hovered by the wood in a nervous fist. _Breathe. One. Two. Three._ She coaxed herself.  With an unsteady gulp, she let her knuckles rap against the hard surface.

A faint shuffling could be heard from behind the door before a “Yes?” echoed from the room. The brown-eyed girl pushed the door on slowly, her heart pounding in her ears.

“Hey, do you have a second?” Her voice rasped. Her body froze at the sight of the girl’s normally green eyes. They had glazed over with an icy, cold grey tint.

“Sure.” Lauren managed to say with great difficulty. Her teeth were clenched so tightly, Camila thought her jaw would permanently be stuck in place.

“Can we talk?” The younger girl asked nervously, her hands clasped together in front of her.

“Aren’t we?” The TA shot back with hostility.

Camila swallowed, taken aback by the brunette’s words. Despite the burn she felt, she tried again.

“Can we please go somewhere to talk?”

Lauren’s chest inflated slowly before deflating slowly as she let out hiss. The student chewed the inside of her cheek waiting for a response.

“Okay.” Lauren finally said, gathering her things before following Camila out and locking the office door.

What was normally a comfortable silence, in this situation, hung over the pair in a stiffened tension. As they walked, Camila glanced cautiously at the girl by her side a they approached their destination. Her cold eyes seemed focused on the ground, the people they passed, and anyone and everything aside from Camila herself.

She let out a defeated sigh, hoping that the dramatic sound would catch the girl’s attention, but even then, the hipster still dint’ seem to notice. Or if she did, she wasn’t responding.

Finally, the sophomore had had enough. She couldn’t take the awkward silence any longer and reached out to grab the older girl’s hand, giving it a small tug to slow the girl from trudging forward any more.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Lauren grunted.

“Why are you angry?’ Camila asked cautiously.

“I’m not angry.” The older girl denied, pausing a bit before adding, “not anymore, anyway.”

“Then why are you acting like this? What are you feeling?” Camila pressed on.

“I.. I don’t know.” Lauren hesitated. “Hurt, confused, stupid, disappointed…” She listed as her voice drifted out, her body language matching her voice growing smaller and smaller.

“Why?” Camila stepped forward, ushering them to a nearby bench, hidden in the shadows of an academic building. Amongst the bushes and shrubbery, they were mostly concealed from the rest of campus and the people passing by.

Once seated, Mila felt the older girl pull her hand away again and she reluctantly let it go from between her clenched, tan hands.

Camila took this time to study the unreadable expression on the girl’s face. She noticed the small indent on the side of her nose where a piercing may have once resided, and the way her one eye was slightly more rounded than the other one; little’s things that she hadn’t picked up on before. The girl’s green eyes averted their gaze, following the steps of an unknowing passerby who, from the distance, was unaware of the unruly tension between the two girls seated only a few feet away.

“Why won’t you look at me?” Camila asked as she angled her body toward the brunette.

“I can’t.” Lauren shrugged, eyes downcast on the ground as she toyed with a pebble by her dark combat boots, rolling it back and forth.

“Please, Lauren.” Camila tilted the girl’s chin toward her so that she was now forced to face her. “Look at me.” She whispered gingerly.

The eyes of the girl in front of her were miserable. She looked defeated. At that point, Camila wanted nothing more than to kiss her and take the pain she was feeling away. She leaned in, hoping to help alleviate these bitter feelings that the girl seemed plagued with.

_Closer, closer…_

And then Lauren pulled away, turning her cheek to Camila’s lips that were just a few millimeters away. The student’s mouth came in contact with the girl’s milky white skin before retracting.

“Did I do something wrong?” Camila frowned. She could have sworn Lauren had leaned in too, despite the negative feelings she seemed to be having, she was still inching closer, just as Camila had been. She thought that the feelings were mutual. But why did she stop?

“No.” Lauren sighed, her chest filing before releasing a breath.

“I don’t understand.” Camila said, her shoulders hung in rejection.

“I can’t.” Even if you want to, it wouldn’t be right.” Lauren said. “I’m not that type of person. It’s not fair to Ariana.” The hipster placed her hands on her hips as she stood. “I should get going.”

Camila sat dumbfounded on the bench as her eyes followed the silhouette of Lauren’s retreating figure.

_Ariana? Ariana?!_

Camila’s brows knit together, unfurling as the pieces began to come together.

_Damn Ari, always complicating things with her inappropriate comments and jokes._

Camila sighed, shaking her head. She needed to clarify things.

Normally, she wasn’t much of an athlete, but she found a burst of energy as she chased after the older girl, her hair flying in front of her face as she whipped around, searching desperately in every direction.

When she caught sight of the familiar beanie, and combat boots, she shouted out to the TA, hoping to God that she would stop walking and turn around.

“Lauren!” Camila cupped her hands around her mouth, giving it her last breath. By some miracle, despite her unwillingness to talk to Camila, Lauren still turned around, knowing full well who was calling her name.

In an exhausted jog, she made her way to Lauren’s side. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” She panted, her hands on her side as she caught her breath.

“What? Running from my problems?” Lauren grumbled.

Camila chuckled. “No, silly.” The expression on the girl’s face was priceless.

“What?” Lauren asked, clearly confused by Camila’s nonchalant attitude and the grin that was now spread across the younger girl’s face.

“Questioning everything.” Camila smirked, leaning closer as her fingers brushed over the small mark on the brunette’s wrist.

She leaned in, resorting back to their previous position, lips just a millimeter apart. At this point, Camila’s heart was pounding. She wasn’t sure where this ridiculous spout of courage had come from, possibly the fact that she wanted to rectify the situation with Lauren. But this was extremely out of character for her. Nevertheless, she continued.

“I’m not dating Ariana.” She whispered. “We’re just friends.”  

Lauren gulped, her eyes darting the Camila’s lips, then back up to meet her chocolate orbs. “But, the friend in your word essay.” Lauren objected, pulling back slightly. “You said that…”

“That friend is _you_.” Camila cut off, squeezing Lauren’s wrist gently.

“I…” Lauren’s mouth fell open. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Camila blushed, her normal shyness now flooding back as she felt her cheeks burning.

“So, umm… “ Lauren ran her fingers through her hair. “I feel like an idiot.”

Camila giggled. “It’s okay. Me too.”

“You?” Bold eyebrows knit in confusion. “Why?”

“Well,” The younger girl tugged at a loose strand of string near the cuff of her sleeve. “I just tried to kiss you and I don’t even know if you like girls.”

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot, lately.” Lauren admitted.

“And?” Camila worried her lip between her two front teeth. Lauren was silent as she seemed to contemplate her answer, choosing her words carefully.

“And I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t.” She finally said.

Camila’s face fell.

“But I do like you.” Lauren tacked on at the last second as Camila beamed.

“You do?” Her brown eyes widened. She wanted to clarify what she had just heard. It almost seemed too good to be true, too easy. Camila was never one to understand relationships or how they worked, but like all things with Lauren, this seemed to come easily.

“I’ve been drawn to you since the beginning.” Lauren confessed. “Whether it was consciously or subconsciously though, I’m not sure. Like when I first met you in the library. I felt like I needed to make sure you were okay. Even though I didn’t know who you were, I still approached you anyway and felt like I needed to hold your hand. And when I was drunk, I still felt the need to kiss you, despite the fact that we had only just met. Maybe my drunken self subconsciously knew that you were special to me. I don’t know.” She shrugged. “In psychology, they say there’s no such thing as subconsciousness since you have to actually be aware to process any type of thought in your mind before you can…”

“Lauren?” Camila giggled, wondering where exactly her rambling was going.

“Sorry.” Lauren cleared her throat. “I should just kiss you now, shouldn’t I?” a flustered Lauren asked.

Camila felt like she was slowly being lit on fire as their lips grew closer once again. She felt her stomach drop, heart lurch as soft skin pressed against hers. She tasted like mint and vanilla, cool and beautiful with a hint of sweetness. She tasted just the way Camila would have imagined she tasted. Her lips tasted just like Lauren herself; a calming, cool exterior with a secretly soft, sweet, interior that was a little insecure.

“Wow.” Camila’s eyes fluttered open as she took in the sparkling emeralds across from her.

“Definitely better sober.” The hipster chuckled when they broke apart. A playful smirk spread across her face as her emerald eyes matched the playfulness as a glimmer danced within them.

“I was sober the last time.” Camila reminded.

“True.” Lauren nodded.

“I didn’t know it back then, or maybe I did.” Camila continued. “Like you said, subconsciously or whatnot… I guess I didn’t mind the kiss because maybe a part of me already knew I would up having a crush on you.”

Lauren nodded in understanding.

“I’ve never been one for labels.” Camila explained. “I think love is beautiful in all forms and ways. It shouldn’t matter to anyone else, as long as both parties feel the same way about each other.”

“So, are you saying you feel the same way as I do?” Lauren asked.

This time, Camila connected their lips, her muscles relaxing as she felt her body mold to hers.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Lauren concluded when they parted. Camila simply smiled.

\---

Lauren felt like she was soaring, floating, flying, all of those cheesy romantic things that she had rolled her eyes at in all of the books that lined her bedroom. She used to think that love only happened in stories; dramatized fantasies that portrayed overly perfect couples that never fought or had any type of problems.

She knew that reality was nothing like that. They argued, they had problems, but God that feeling in her stomach, the butterflies that she read about, could never measure in intensity compared to the ones that she felt. And they felt _amazing_.

After finally resolving her internal conflict and external conflict as well, actually, everything seemed to be going perfectly. Lauren felt as if a weight had been lifted.

“Someone’s happy.” Alexa sing-songed from the doorway of Lauren’s room.

Rolling over to lower the volume of her speakers, she placed the book she was reading on her abdomen.

“You came home whistling, which you’ve never done before, didn’t bother Mani about her dancing or tell her to turn down Beyoncé.” The taller girl gave a knowing look. “Come on girl, spill.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She grinned smugly, completely unabashed.

“Oh yeah.” Alexa raised an eyebrow. “Does this have something to do with a certain sexy Latina?” She teased.

“Oh,” Lauren countered back. “You mean little ole me?” She said in a babyish voice, batting her lashes.

“Cocky shit.” The ex-model rolled her eyes. “You know who I meant.”

“Who?” The hipster continued to play coy.

“Cameeela.” Alexa dragged out. “Karl-uh.”

“What about her?” Lauren smirked. At this point, Alexa approached the bed, grabbing a nearby pillow and bopped her roommate lightly on the head.

“You tell me.” Alexa pressed.

“We talked.” Lauren diverted.

“And?” Alexa asked, waving her hands to make her continue the conversation.

“We kissed.” The brunette confessed.

“And?!” Alexa squealed, her eyes wide with excitement.

“And it was incredible.” Lauren sighed, flopping back on the bed dreamily gazing at the ceiling.

“And?” her roommate continued.

“What do you mean ‘and?’ I already told you.” Lauren asked.

“Well, are you a ‘thing’ now?” Alexa questioned, forming air quotes with her pointer and middle fingers.

“What do you mean? Like a couple?” Lauren tried to fill in the gaps. “Officially? Nah… I don’t think so.”

“And she’s okay with that?” Alexa asked.

“We didn’t really discuss that far.” The TA shrugged.

“Do you want people to know?” Her roommate asked. Lauren froze. The idea of publically being a couple with Camila had her conflicted. On one hand, she wanted to finally be able to revel in the idea that she had been able to find some type of love that she had fantasized about. But on another hand, the possibility of being chastised for her feelings made her want to hide them away.

“I…” She gulped.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

**Turning Pages – Chapter 25**

A thousand thoughts were running through Camila’s head that afternoon.  She truly felt like she was in another world, floating, maybe even flying with her heart fluttering. She couldn’t even remember returning to the dormitory, or how she managed to move her feet after feeling as though she were gliding across the pavement. It seemed surreal.

Slender fingers traced the outline of her pink lips as she replayed the moment in her head. When she walked through the doorway of her dormitory room, her roommate was waiting with a smug grin on her face.

“So?” The Tongan grinned. “Judging by that look on your face, I’m guessing it went well.”

Camila nodded goofily, unable to wipe the smile that seemed plastered across her features.

“I’m happy for you, Mila.” Dinah said, honestly, holding her arms out for the tiny Latina, who flew into them with a grateful smile.

“Thank you for the advice, DJ.” Camila sighed with relief.

“Aww,” The younger girl brushed it off. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. You’re my girl. I’m always gonna look out for ya.” She winked, before her gaze focused behind Camila. “Anyway, I’m happy for you and all but I’ve gotta get my ass to dinner so I can get to practice on time. You wanna come?”

“That’s okay.” Camila declined. “I have a few things I need to get caught up with. I’ll grab something quick later.”

“Alright,” Dinah nodded. “See you later, Chancho.” She waved before grabbing her bag and bolting out the door.

Camila flopped down onto her bed, her head sinking into the pillow. Thoughts of Lauren quickly found their way back to her and she buried her face into the fabric to let out a girlish squeal.

This had never happened to her before. She had always read about fantasies like this, but never imagined that it would happen to her. She had hoped, but she was never sure.

After completing the assignments she needed to, Camila situated herself in a cozy nest of plush blankets while Dinah was out at dance rehearsal. With her knees pulled up, journal resting on her thighs, the sophomore began to write with her pen in hand, and bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes dashed across the blank lines as she scrawled rapidly, inking the pages with permanent words.

_From the earliest years, our “puppy love” grade school crushes all the way until the day we die…_

_We start to experience this thing that I, now looking back, would consider attraction, but at the time, I too, believed was “love.” At the time, we think we know what love is and then we look back less than a year later and realize we were not in love. We were naive._

_Fast forward a few years, we skip the “he loves me, he loves me not” phase and tumble into our teen angst years. And we experience our first heartache. This is the moment when we realize we don’t know if we even want to have anything to do with the concept of whatever this thing we call “love” is._

_At some point, the butterflies we experienced that one time disappear and we spend our whole life trying to search for it again. Some call it dating. I would call it more of a “ trial and error.” I personally don’t like the concept of “dating” because it implies just that, trial and error. Why label it? Just find a friend, see if you bond while doing something you enjoy.( If you’re lucky enough to find that person.)_

_Of course, there are happy “endings” for some. (Not really “ending,” moreso “beginnings.”) Unfortunately ,to be realistic, how many of those people just settle? The search for “love” simply just ends for them and they call it a “happy ending” just to give themselves peace of mind. Maybe for financial reasons? Or because it’s “what’s best for the kids?” Are they cowards? Or realists?_

_But what about the other ones? The ones who are brave enough, or stupid enough depending on your perspective, to leave? What happens to them? The dreamers?_

_Do dreamers find some new enlightenment on the concept of “love?” Or is it just a cycle of searching and finding, running and leaving, marriage and divorce?_

_There are those who have successful relationships. I think those are rare cases, and I hope to be one half of the pair one day. When both partners actually know what love is, and both partners have the same definition of love, is that what love really is?_

_Yet what about the rest? The man who wakes up one day and realizes that he doesn’t love his wife anymore? And maybe he meets another man that he thinks he loves him. But he isn’t sure because it was nothing he even considered before because society never told him it was an option. But then somehow, he accidentally experienced it. What then?_

_Everything he thought he knew about love… what is it now? Useless information? A new perspective?_

_But what do I know, really?_

_I won’t say that I know what love is, confidently, 100%, but I still believe that I can feel what love is. I don’t think there is a way to define what love is. No one knows what it is, or how to describe it, but I think that there is a way to feel it. And I think that when you feel it, you know. At least, I do._

Just as she had dotted the final period, her phone buzzed _._  She leaned over the ledge of the bed, riffling through her bag to grab the device, her eyes illuminated as the sight of the caller’s name.

_\---_

Lauren wasn’t sure how to respond or even what to respond. She immediately flung herself at her phone in panic as her roommate watched her carefully.

“I have to ask her if we’re a thing! I don’t know if she wants it to be public.” She freaked. “What if she doesn’t even want you to know? Oh my god!” Her eyes widened. “Get out!” She flailed her arms, ushering her roommate out before she could gather anymore information that might actually be sensitive information in Camila’s opinion.

As the door clicked shut, she could hear her roommate laughing hysterically at her frazzled state.

_Damn it, Jauregui. What happened to you? You used to be cool._

She inhaled sharply, trying to calm herself before dialing Camila’s number.

“Hey.” The younger girl answered shyly. Lauren could hear the smile in her voice.

“Hey.” She grinned back.

“So…” Camila egged, urging Lauren to spit out whatever it was she was holding back.

“So...” Lauren parroted.

“Is this how things are going to between us now?” The student giggled.

“Umm, no.” She stated nervously, rubbing the back of her neck with her free hand. “I was just wondering if we…”

She cut herself off. It was just a kiss. They both liked each other. There wasn’t any need for labels, right?

“If…?” Camila giggled again.

“Oh, umm, I was wondering if we maybe could hang out later tonight.” She finished stupidly, diverting the conversation in a different direction.

“Oh, yeah! Sure! What did you wanna do?” The younger girl inquired.

“I haven’t really figured that out yet.” Lauren confessed. “But I’d like to see you again.”

“Okay.” Camila agreed shyly. “Should I meet you somewhere?”

“My apartment?” Lauren suggested.

“Be there in twenty.” Camila confirmed.

After a quick goodbye, Lauren sprung from the bed, dashing to the bathroom to freshen up, exiting just in time to hear a knock on the door.

“I’ve got it!” She called out to the rest of the tenants.

“Hey.” She greeted. “That was fast.” She smiled, admiring the sophomore’s beauty. Lauren was in awe of the effortless way Camila seemed to make her breath catch, regardless of the amount of times Lauren had seen her.  It was like she was just meeting her for the first time.

The two maneuvered their way back to the junior’s bedroom at the end of the hall, making themselves comfortable on the bed.

Once in the solace of the room, behind closed doors, the two began quick small talk that soon developed into deeper conversations and settled into their regular discussions.

It seemed to Lauren that their “relationship” seemed most comfortable behind closed doors. They didn’t have to worry about the outside world interrupting, or judging them because…

“Oh Laurenza!” a voice sing-songed outside the door. The brass knob turned before she could even respond any further. In came Lucy and Vero, bouncing and tackling her as they splayed across their classmate’s body. Camila jumped at the last second, tumbling to the floor, out of harm’s way.

“Damn it, get off!” Lauren laughed, attempting to shove them off of her. The effort was useless, as they weighed her down quite significantly.

“So, Lauren” Vero began, practically shouting in her ear due to the close proximity in distance that her mouth was to Lauren’s quadruple pierced ear.

“Veronica! I’m right here.” She groaned, covering her ear.

“CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?” The girl on top of her shouted even louder, leaning in purposefully as she began tickling her sides.

She continued to playfully harass the TA until her counterpart nudged her side.

“What?” She hissed after a particularly painful jab.

“We’ve got company.” Lucy concluded, nodding her head in Camila’s direction.

Lauren hadn’t even noticed Camila had gotten up from the floor and was now standing awkwardly in the corner. _Maybe it was because she was too busy spasming from the fingers running up and down her sides._ She groaned.

“Yes,” Lauren huffed. “Camila is here. And you’ve probably terrorized her to the point of being scarred for life. She’ll never want to come over here again.”

Camila chuckled nervously. “Umm, it’s okay. Hi, Lucy. Hi, Vero.” She waved carefully.

“What are you guys doing here?” Lauren scowled, finally freeing herself from the two girls.

“No reason, really.” Lucy shrugged. “We just wanted to say ‘hey’ since you’ve basically become a hermit and never come out with us.”

“Or come out to us.” Vero snickered under her breath, quiet enough for Lauren to hear, but not the girl standing in the corner.

Her gaze landed on the small Latina girl. “What’s up, Camila?” She chirped.

“Not much.” The tiny girl shrugged.

“What brings you to the 315?” Vero asked, referring to Lauren’s apartment number. She had the most devilish grin plastered to her face so Lauren intervened.

“Just, uhh, tutoring.” She cut in.

“Tutoring, huh? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Vero laughed causing Lucy to stifle a giggle herself.

“Get out!” Lauren whined, pulling her two friends to the door.

They exited willingly, calling over their shoulder. “If you change your mind, we’ll be pregaming in Alexa’s room.”

When she managed to close the bedroom door, this time locking it, Lauren flopped down on the bed, Camila immediately joining her by her side.

“You told them?” Camila asked timidly.

“No Camz, I swear.” Lauren waved her hands frantically. “I didn’t.” She assured, crossing her heart with her pointer finger.

Camila giggled. “It’s okay.” She grabbed Lauren’s finger lowering it. “I’m not mad or anything. I just didn’t know if we were telling people, you know?”

Lauren nodded in understanding. After a contemplative moment she spoke again.

“What are we?” She said rhetorically. “Does it need a label? Does how we feel need a label?”

“It feels good.” Camila smiled softly. “It feels kind and gentle.”

Lauren nodded. It was. It wasn’t all sex drive lie her previous relationships seemed to be. More than just common interests in music or movies. They connected on an even higher level. Tender, sweet, patient and understanding. This felt right.

“Good.” She grinned, giving the tan hand that was now holding hers a squeeze. “So we’re on the same page?”

“We’re on the same page.” Camila confirmed.

And so they were onto the next chapter, turning the pages together.

\---

As their conversations began to dwindle down into a comfortable silence, the two lay back down on their stomachs, a book between them as they took turns reading chapters to one another. While Lauren spoke, Camila’s eyes fell upon Lauren’s bare wrist; the dark question mark boldly contrasting the TA’s paler skin.

“Camz?” Lauren looked up, noticing that her student hadn’t blinked in the past minute. “You okay?”

The younger girl tore her gaze away from the hypnotizing body ink. It was her turn to read. “Yeah, sorry.” She apologized, reaching for the book to angle it towards her.

Lauren pulled it back slightly, trying to catch her gaze. “You okay?” Lauren repeated.

Camila nodded, her eyes betraying her and traveling back to the older girl’s wrist once again.

“Actually,” she hesitated, clearing her throat. “Umm, can I ask you a question?”

“Didn’t you?” The brunette teased.

Camila blushed before rephrasing her question. “No, I mean, I have a question.”

“Okay,” Lauren nodded. “Shoot.”

“What’s your favorite question word?”

The TA chewed her lip as her crystalized eyes seemed to transport to another place.

“Maybe ‘why’ or ‘how’.” The junior responded after quite some time. “Or possibly ‘who’ depending on the person.”

Camila smiled, urging her to continue.

“Well, it’s like being able to understand a complex idea or thought. Maybe getting an sense of why someone did something, their motive behind it. It’s kinda the psychology geek in me, I guess. And ‘how’ relates more to the inner workings of the world. The physics and science behind it.”

Camila simply nodded, amused by the thought the TA had put into her answer.

“And ‘who’ ties into the psychology thing too. You know, meeting new people, learning their thoughts, values, how they were shaped into who they became. But then again, that also goes back to nature vs. nurture, which then relates back to ‘how’ someone came to be ‘who’ they were, and ‘why’ they decided to do the things that they did. So in a way, I guess all three of them at once.” The older girl’s hands were dancing around her face as she spoke, her fingers making air quotes around each word.

“I only asked for one,” Camila teased, but couldn’t help grinning even wider. Lauren was so insightful.

“What would yours be?” The junior countered, low laying on her elbow, resting her cheek in her open palm so she could look up at the girl sitting beside her. “Who, what, where, when, why, or how?” She listed.

“Actually,” Camila drummed her fingers against the book as they fell into the crack of the spine.

“I think mine would be ‘so’?”

“Go on.” Lauren nodded.

“Well, it’s kinda like what you said before. It’s like asking ‘why should I care about what this person is saying?’ It is because of how they were brought up? Who they are? What they care about? But most all it, it asks ‘what does what someone is saying or doing mean to me? How does it affect me?’”

The smile that appeared on Lauren’s face as she explained it all, took Camila’s breath again. That, or maybe the fact that they were kissing so passionately, Camila thought she was going to burst.

“Why’d you do that?” She asked innocently, a grin plastered goofily on her face.

“What?” Lauren smirked, as if she hadn’t just had her tongue in Camila’s mouth.

“Kiss me.” The sophomore said.

“You know why.” The TA nudged her. “Your mind is incredible.”

“So?” Camila teased.

“So…” Lauren leaned forward. “That means that whenever you say or do something brilliant, I’m probably going to want to kiss you again.”

Camila closed the space between them. It almost seemed unreal, the fact that they were kissing so easily and frequently now.

She could feel Lauren’s lips upturned to match her own.

 She could definitely get used to this. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauren's a sleepy little tiger cub

After Camila had gone home for the night, Lauren lay in bed with her mind drifting in and out of sleep.

One thing she shouldn’t shake was the fact that Vero and Lucy seemed to know about her and Camila. Or maybe just about her having the ability to be attracted to people, rather than a specific category. Then again, they have “gaydar” or whatever. But Alexa didn’t seem too surprised either. And Alexa was as straight as they come.

This is when Lauren began to reevaluate her own character. She liked softball, yeah. And there’s always that stereotype. But she also really liked wearing makeup and lipstick, especially red lipstick. But of course, it wasn’t so much on the surface of that. It was something deeper.

Soon, her brain began to debate the effects of nature vs. nurture on sexuality. Of course, she knew that most likely, it was a biological thing, having to do with brain chemistry and all of the psychological effects that hormones have on our emotions. But she never noticed these things about herself until Camila came along. Why weren’t they triggered before? Nature.

But maybe it was because she was predisposed to Vero and Lucy’s interactions. They had all been raised and grown up in the same way. So of course, why wouldn’t have Lauren grown up to be the same? Camila was just the person that she felt like she had a Vero/Lucy bond with. Nurture.

At 2 in the morning, she decided it was time to bring out the phone and give a certain someone a call.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” A groggy voice and shuffling could be heard on the other end of the receiver.

“Hi, Mom.” Lauren greeted. “Look, I’m sorry to call you this late, but I need your help. Let’s say that hypothetically… everything you’ve ever known was wrong. But that you’re so used to questioning everything that you don’t really think that it’s wrong. But now you’re wondering if what you always seemed to question was even right in the first place. Maybe you didn’t need to question what you knew at the time, but rather, what you think you’d have known later.”

“Lauren, honey, it’s too late for metaphors. Can you be a little more straight-forward, please?”

 _More straight._ Lauren latched onto the words, internally dying at the unbeknownst irony. “Nature versus nurture, mom.” She clarified.

“Continue…” Her mother yawned through the phone.

“So what you know, is it fact or is it knowledge?” She began. “I’m in college so I’m supposed to be _learning_ things in college, right? But I can still _learn_ simply by assimilating and regurgitating information that is spewed out at me every day. If I didn’t question anything that was told to me, and simply took it as the truth, I would say that I’m knowledgeable because I know a lot of accurate facts. But there’s a difference between kind of memorizing and assimilating to this life of facts versus going forward and understanding the facts, right?”

“Right.” She answered, before her mother could respond. Taking another deep breath, she continued.

“So is the idea of knowledge a concept of fact or the ability to reason?” The junior again continued without bothering to give her mother time to formulate her own answer.

“You need the basic foundation of knowing how to reason by using facts to base your case or argument, but those facts can change too. So finite knowledge is really finite ability; the ability to reason and actually prove that the ‘fact’ is incorrect. Like the world being round. Everyone just took it as so until someone decided to question it with reason, acquiring other knowledge to disprove previous knowledge. He didn’t have the proof at the moment, but he could still see that the current information, that the world being flat, didn’t quite add up.”

“Okay?” Her mother, though a gifted educator, even still had trouble following her daughter’s logic at the moment.

“What I mean by ‘see’ would be to understand in the way that a blind person ‘sees.’ He or she is able to know and acquire information by _feeling_ braille. It’s the concept that they believe in, not the fact itself. It’s the ability to see the concept based on the reasoning that is done to grasp said concept.” Lauren explained.

“So…” She exhaled once more.

“How do you ‘know’ what your sexuality is?” The young woman asked, rolling over onto her stomach, now more awake than ever.

She tapped quickly on the screen to initiate speakerphone mode. Propping herself up on both elbows so that she was now hovering over the device, her tussled bed-head hair cascading over her shoulder, falling partly in front of her eyes.

 “Nature vs. nuture?” Lauren continued. “What I am told, or what I feel? What I should feel is technically what nature makes me feel, biologically, I _should_ feel attracted to the opposite gender, since evolution has made it that way. When attempting to acquire a mate and such. Pheromones and whatnot...” She rambled.

“Lauren, honey, are you trying to…mate?” her mother chuckled. “Sweetheart, you can date any boy you like, as long as he treats you well.” Clara comforted.

“But for me, I am not attracted to just males.” Lauren brushed quickly, returning back to her thoughts before her mother could even comment on the abrupt method of coming-out. “Does that mean that in terms of evolutional flow I’m more of a mutation? That has a negative connotation, like the idea of sin. But mutations aren’t always bad, right? A mutation can actually be an evolutional advancement. The way that orange tigers can blend in better than white tigers.”

“Lauren,” Her mother cut off. “First of all, breathe, honey. Where is this coming from?” Clara asked, trying to comprehend what was happening, despite the fact that it was so late into the night.

But the junior still on her rant, unaware of the fact that her mother was even speaking to her. Lauren continued on with her monologue.

“But then there’s the other side that says, humans are one of the more evolved species so we can also account for emotions when seeking a mate. Not all animals do so. And then one could argue it is a “fact” that good girls are attracted to bad boys. Why? Are bad boys equally attracted the good girls? The good girl wants to reform the bad boy while the bad boy wants to corrupt the good girl. But what if the pair was a good boy and a bad girl? We believe that to build strong bonds, you must find something bond over; a similarity. If you are both good, or both bad, does that mean that you are or are not compatible? Opposites attract vs. being in love with your best friend, assuming that you and your best friend have similar interests that make you like or dislike certain things. Kind of like Lucy and Vero were –“

“Lauren Michelle!” Her mother finally raised her voice, causing Lauren to stop mid-sentence. “Listen to me.” She laughed. “When you were a little girl, and we took you to Disneyworld, do you remember what you told me after you met all of your favorite princesses?”

“No.” Lauren shook her head, flopping over onto her back, pressing the receiver flush against her face.

“You told me that you wanted to be a princess.”

“So does every little girl, though.” Lauren objected.

“Yes, but let me finish.” Clara cut off. “You told me you wanted to be a princess. But you also said that you wanted to be a prince.”

“What?!” Her eyes widened.

“Again,” she could practically hear her mother rolling her eyes lightheartedly. “Let me finish.”

“You said you wanted to be a prince because you thought that princesses were so beautiful. And the prince is lucky because he gets to kiss the princess.”

“Oh. I…” Lauren felt her cheeks heating up.

“You were a smart kid from the beginning, Lauren.” Her mother smiled. “I just want you to be happy and if your father wasn’t snoring like a bear next to me, I’m sure he’d say the same thing.” Clara assured.

“You’re not-“

“Get some rest.” Her mother cut off, gently. “We love you, always.”

And with that, Clara Jauregui hung up on her daughter in the classiest way possible.

 

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evolution and character development of Camren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

_Evolution_ Lauren had written on the board the next Monday. It was on her mind from the week before and honestly, she had been so swamped with work for the week, she hadn’t been able to give anything much thought. To say she was stressed would be an understatement. She was also certain that college professors conspire with one another to plan all of their exams and paper due dates at the same time so that students would be overwhelmed and exhausted. 

Camila had also been assigned a large project that had taken precedent for most of her time as well. As a music major, things like exams were less common, but performances and composition reviews were not out of the question.

As a result, the two had not been able to hang out as much as Lauren would have liked. Instead of completely flying under the radar, the two agreed to meet up for studying and caffeine runs to accommodate their academic requirements. It may not have been the most ideal situation, but Lauren always enjoyed Camila’s company.

She had been so caught up in things that she had completely forgotten how close it was to spring break. That is, until she walked into her apartment completely exhausted, only to find her roommates, as well as Vero and Lucy gather around the small coffee table in the juniors’ apartment, papers and wine glasses scattered all around.

“Okay,” She heard Alexa speaking as she set down her keys by the front door. “If Normani and I cover snacks, Vero and Lucy pick the drinks, gas can be…”

“Hey…” She eyed the group cautiously, as the approached, clearly confused. “Whatcha doing?”

“Planning for the most epic spring break ever!” Vero hooted, showing her the paper that was lying by her feet. “Look at it!”

Lauren smirked, as the memory of their plans finally clicked in her head. She was definitely looking forward to the getaway. “If I do recall correctly, you said that last year. And the year before.” She teased.

“Shut up.” Vero hushed, holding her hand up sassily. “You’re ruining my mood!”

“It doesn’t matter.” Normani cut in. “I just can’t wait to get out of here. I’m tired of this cold weather.”

They all nodded in agreement.

“And the exams.” Lauren tacked on with a sigh before plopping down on the couch so that she could oversee what had been going on, while the rest of the girls remained seated on the floor.

“Okay.” Alexa clapped, hoping to reorganize the group. “So, headcount. I’ll share a room a Lauren. Lucy and Vero will share the second room. And finally, Mani and Arin.”

“Umm, actually…” Normani bowed her head. “Arin and I are off again.”

“Hun, you deserve better than him.” Lucy offered. “Don’t keep letting that fuckboy push you around.” She placed a sympathetic hand on the dancer’s shoulder. The friends agreed.

“This time it’s for real. His stuff’s already packed in that box over there.” Normani gestured to a large box that was now located outside the doorframe of her room.

“Are you gonna have him come over and get it, or are you going to bring it to him?” Alexa asked.

“I’ll go with if you do.” Lauren offered her support.

“Me too.” Alexa said firmly.

“Me three.” Vero added.

“We all will.” Lucy concluded.

“Thanks guys, but it’s okay.” Normani shook her head confidently. “I think I’m just gonna burn it all.” She let out a forced laugh. Lauren could tell she was still upset, but coping as well as possible. After a silent pause, their roommate spoke up, hoping to direct the mood elsewhere.

“So what now? We have an extra spot.” Alexa observed.

“Lauren! You should bring Camila.” Normani suggested.

“What?” The TA was slightly taken aback. “Are you sure?” She wasn’t sure if it would be appropriate to bring Camila, while Normani had just gone through a breakup. One couple, or whatever Vero and Lucy where, would be enough. She didn’t want to come across like she was rubbing her relationship with Camila in anyone’s face. Besides, they were all juniors and Camila was a sophomore.

“Why not?” She smiled, her tone firm. “We can switch. I’ll bunk with Alexa and you can bunk with Mila.”

“Unless you can’t behave yourself.” Vero teased. “We don’t want you to keep us up with whatever you’re gonna do at night.” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Shut up, Vero.” Alexa scolded, smacking the smaller girl in the arm. “We all know it’ll be you two who’ll be keeping _us_ up.”

“Not my fault Lucy’s so loud.” The girl teased, completely unphased. She nudged the girl next to her in the ribs who immediately turned red.

“Oh my god.” Lucy groaned, hiding her face in her hands. “Don’t drag me into this.” She shook her head, still buried in her hands.

“Come on, babe.” The younger girl continued poking Lucy in the side until she removed her hands. “I was just kidding.”

“Yeah, well, you’re the moaner.” She said completely straight faced. The rest of the room burst into a fit of laughter.

“Gotcha.” She laughed, kissing a now red faced, highly embarrassed Vero on the nose.

“Oh-kay.” Normani interrupted. “TMI.” She dismissed, turning her attention back to the hipster. “Really, Lauren, you should ask her.”

“You sure you don’t want to ask Dinah or something?” She asked.

“I love the girl, but I need me time, you know?” Normani explained, referring to the breakup “I just want to focus on me and it’ll be nice to relax and hang with my roommates. Besides, I think she’s really excited to go home and see her family. I wouldn’t want to make her choose between the two.” She reasoned.

“Okay.” Lauren nodded in understanding. “I’ll ask. I don’t know what her plans are for spring break, so I can’t guarantee she’ll say yes.” she confessed, before noting the disappointed looks on her friends’ features. “But I’ll ask.” She promised.

“Yay!” Alexa chirped. “It’ll be fun if she can go!”

“Totally! And we’re all gonna look so hot in our bikinis!” Vero cheered, having quickly bounced back from her humiliation. “I can’t wait to get my tan on!”

“Except for you, Lo.” Normani joked, patting the TA’s knee. “I’ll make sure to bring SPF 100 for your pale ass.”

“So you’ve been checking out my ass?” She countered, playfully raising an eyebrow.

“You wish.” The dancer rolled her eyes.

“Hell yeah!” Vero said at the same time. “Have you seen that thing?!”

“VERONICA!” Lucy slapped her arm, earning her a hard glare, which was not held long. Vero immediately jut her lower lip, batting her eyes innocently.

“Alright, I’ll take to you guys later.” The hipster laughed. “I’m swamped and have to finish some laundry before I meet up with Camila tonight.”

“Ooo! Date night?” Lucy inquired.

“Study night.” Lauren clarified flatly.

“Whatcha studying? Anatomy?” Vero winked.

“You’re disgusting” Lauren scowled, flipping her friend off jokingly before reaching for her bag and retreating to her room.

“Why are you the way you are?’ She heard Lucy scolding as she walked away. Lauren could practically hear her shaking her head. She let out a chuckle and starting gathering various articles of clothing before heading to the wash room.

\---  
  
_Evolution._

_Imaine this; a lanky giraffe, a fat elephant, blotchy skinned cheetah, bad hair lion, dirty hippo, scaly alligator,  pale polar bear, squinty eyed shar-pei, shrill voiced dolphin, a hunch-back camel…_

Lauren chuckled. She was thankful that she was sitting across from Camila with her laptop to block her face. She was reading the younger girl’s word-essay assignment for the week, which she of course submitted early.

_Why are these insults to humans ridiculous when applied to animals? Because they **are** ridiculous. We don’t think they should change or alter their bodies, yet that’s all we want to do to ourselves as humans. We are creatures and animals too. Why must we give ourselves alternate standards? The characteristics that we point out specifically, noting as beauty in animals are the same characteristics that we considering repulsive or insulting in humans. Why?_

_We evolved from these same creatures. In a way, we are the same. A thin, tall giraffe is a picture of grace. The muscular elephant is a portrayal of magnificent strength. The cheetah’s markings make it both beautiful and unique in the animal kingdom. A tangled mane of a lion, blowing in the wind is not sloppy or messy, but majestic. The list goes on._

_Yet these are characteristics that we tend to dismiss in humans; not wanting to have in ourselves. Why the double standard?_

_I have never been one to be self-confident, especially with my physical appearance. Sometimes I wish I was a simple animal, that way I wouldn’t have to worry about what I looked like. Humans would find me fascinating and special, just for being the way I am. We don’t feel the need to give animals plastic surgery or practice weight loss and skin care. I wish there was a way for us to embrace our bodies as they are._

_Evolution in revolution, or revolution in evolution. That is what we need. Women especially, in today’s society of commercials and “idealized beauty” find it more and more difficult to love themselves. I’m not preaching or exempting myself, because I confess, I do it too. The average person is exposed to 3000 advertisements and brand recognitions a day. That is a lot of impressions and messages that influence us to believe that a certain way of life and body figure is “beautiful” when in reality, all the differences in characteristics are what make life and people beautiful. Hopefully one day we will evolve a new way of thinking where we accept and embrace who we are._

Lauren smiled to herself. This girl was just something else.

Camila let out an exasperated sigh, just as Lauren had entered a grade on the assignment, which of course, was an A.

“Too loud in here?” Lauren asked the girl across from her, referencing the first time they ever met. She closed the laptop and focused on their surroundings.

They were sitting in the same area in which the two had their first encounter. Lauren, sipping her coffee as Camila sat across from her with a tea from the library café that had turned cold.

“Kinda.” The sophomore confessed. “You done already?”

‘”Yup.” She nodded. “How’s the composition going?”

“I can’t get it right.” The younger girl threw down her pencil for dramatic effect. “It’s just missing something.”

Camila tapped her fingers on the wood library table, her eyes scanning the page as she tried to play along, only to freeze suddenly, her fingers in mid-air, before letting out a groan.

“Do you think it will help to be in front of a real piano instead of the desk?” The TA suggested.

“Maybe.” She shrugged, her brows still stitched together in concentration, eyes focused on the piece.

“Are the practices rooms open right now?” Lauren asked. “Want to go?”

“We can try.” The sophomore sighed in defeat and frustration.

Lauren stood from her place, gathering her things back into her canvas backpack as the younger girl followed her lead.

“Come on.” She offered out an encouraging hand, to which Camila took gratefully. They made their way across campus, descending the stairwell of the now dimly lit music building.

As soon as they entered an unoccupied practice room at the end of the hall, the motion sensor light lit up the small area.

A small upright Baldwin piano stood in the room with a small desk and additional to its side. Lauren made herself comfortable at the desk while Camila took a seat at the piano’s bench.

“Play.” The junior encouraged. The sophomore blushed nervously. “You can do it, Camz. I believe in you.” She smiled gently.

“Alright, but you can’t laugh. It’s really rough.” She said.

“I’d never. You’re amazing so I know it’ll be amazing.” Lauren leaned closer, now placing an elbow on the desk so she could rest her chin in the palm of her hand.

Camila’s eyes lit up at the compliment. She retrieved the papers from her bag, setting them on the small ledge.

“Can you turn the pages for me?” She asked shyly.

“Umm.” Lauren blushed. She didn’t know much about music and the only exposure she had was when she sang in her elementary school choir. “I can’t read music though.”

“It’s okay.” Camila smiled. “I’ll give you a head nod when I need to go to the next page.”

“Alright.” Lauren nodded, settling to the side of the younger girl, careful not to get in her way.

Camila inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. When they fluttered open, Lauren was completely captivated by the young Latina’s profile; observing how full Camila’s lashes were, the slope of her nose, the shape of her lips, and was soon aware of how much she wanted to kiss them.

She was taken from her thoughts and transported to another world when the younger girl began to play. Lauren may not have known much about music, but she knew enough to know that this was definitely by no means something that should ever be considered “rough.”

“You made that up?” She asked in astonishment when Camila had finished.

“Well, yeah.” The younger girl shrugged, cramming her hands under her legs. “ I composed it.” She looked down, digging the right toe of her shoe into the space between the pedal and the floor.

“I can’t believe you wrote all of that without even having the piano in front of you. How do you do that?” She complimented. It was a rhetorical question but Camila slid off the bench, switching their positions so that she now sat to Lauren’s left.

“I’ll teach you.” She smiled warmly. “I need to take a break anyway. I need to process what it sounds like out loud right now.”

Awkwardly, the TA took her place to the side of her student, only the plot had taken a turn and Lauren was now the student with Camila as her teacher.

“Music notes range from A to G, and then they repeat. So it goes A, B, C, D, E, F, G, A…” The younger girl explained, her fingers effortlessly playing the scale, her thumb swinging underneath at just the correct moment so that she didn’t run out of digits to continue playing.

“And this here,” she pointed to a key near the center of the arrangement of black and white keys “is middle ‘C.’ It looks like that on the staff.” She pointed to a small oval with a line through it on the paper in front of them.

“Each one of these lines represents every other key. So this note above the ‘C’ is a ‘D.’ And the note on the line above is an ‘E.’”

“Now you try.” Camila encouraged, lightly grabbing Lauren’s wrist and placing her hand on the keys. Her hands positioned each of Lauren’s fingers gingerly into the correct position. “Try reading this part.” She turned the pages before settling on a measure of the piece with notes that ascended in a simple progression.

“Go on.” She smiled. As silly as she felt, Lauren attempted to awkwardly play each of the notes in the progression.

“Not bad. But you need to relax your fingers more.” Camila explained, gently placing her hand on top of Lauren’s. “Like this.” She continued, pressing her fingers lightly on top of Lauren’s. Despite the calluses on her fingertips from pressing against the steel strings of the guitar, her touch was gentle and delicate. It sent a shiver up Lauren’s spine to feel the elegant fingers ghosting over her own.

“Now you.” The piano teacher urged.

Repositioning her wrist and fingers, she tried again.  This time, the notes flowed a bit quicker from finger to finger, the sound echoing in the quiet room.

“Much better.” The younger girl beamed.

Lauren snorted. “I play like a two-toed sloth; slow with awkward fingers.”

The sophomore cocked her head in amusement. “Two-toed sloth?” She laughed. “Definitely never heard that one before.”

“Sorry.” She confessed. “I’m tired and hopped up on coffee. I did also just get done reading an entire word essay about _animals_.” She smirked knowing that Camila would pick up that she was referring to her submission for the assignment. “It’s all I could think of.”

Openly flirting was something that Lauren was still getting used to with Camila, but in the safety of the practice room, she was able to speak as she pleased without having to worry about her roommates observing their interactions. The privacy of the small room seemed to take an effect on the sophomore as well.

“I could think of other things.” The younger girl said boldly. Her chocolate brown eyes fell quickly to the TA’s lips.

“Good students get rewarded when they do a good job.” Camila smiled before connecting their lips. Soon the only music Lauren was hearing was in her head.

Camila’s lips were soft and inviting, despite the boldness of her statements they kissed gently, just as gently as Camila’s fingers had been as they floated across her knuckles a few minutes ago.

The junior removed her hand from the keys to carefully cup the sophomore’s cheek. The action caused the younger girl to let out a gasp, probably because of Lauren’s trembling, cold fingers. Lauren took that as an opportunity to allow her tongue to brush against the pianist’s lower lip, testing the waters.

Soon Camila mimicked her actions, tangling her hand in Lauren’s hair, parting her lips and granting the junior entrance. Her senses were overwhelmed and suddenly the two had engaged in a full on make out session.

They finally broke away panting for air.

“Whoa.” Lauren sighed.

“It’s a nice place to escape to.” The younger girl blushed, now reverting back to her more reserved self. “Music that is.” She clarified, trying to change the subject.

Lauren took that as her opportunity. “I want to escape sometimes too.” She agreed. “And not just in books.”

“I know what you mean.” Camila nodded.

“Let’s run away.” Green eyes sparkled. “Come to the beach with me for spring break?” She blurted.

The girl beside her was taken aback. “What?”

“Well, me, Normani, Alexa, and Vero and Lucy.” She clarified. “We’re all going to the beach for spring break.”

“But those are all your friends.” Camila pointed out. “I don’t want to intrude.”

 _“Our_ friends.” The TA emphasized. “And you won’t be. We have three rooms already booked but someone drop out at the last minute. Arin, actually.” Lauren explained.

“Oh. Sorry.” Camila frowned. “They’re having problems?” Having Dinah as a mutual friend with Normani, Camila was probably also somewhat aware of their situation.

“They’re over, I think.” The green-eyed girl explained. “For real this time. She packed up his stuff and everything.”

“She didn’t want to bring someone else?” Camila clarified, still uneasy about taking Arin’s place.

“Actually, no. She’s the one that suggested I invite you in his place.” Lauren assured. “We’d share a room and she’d share with Alexa. Vero and Lucy, obviously would be together.” The junior proposed.

“I’d love that.” She smiled. “I just have to make sure my parents are okay with it. Are you flying or driving.”

“Driving. I forgot to mention that.” Lauren said cheekily. “You’ll be stuck in a car with my idiot friends.”

 _“Our_ idiot friends.” Camila quickly corrected, using the same tone that the junior had previously.

“You’re cute.”  The brunette chuckled.

“You’re not bad yourself.” The younger girl smirked.

“Camila Cabello! Are you hitting on me?” She teased.

“Maybe.” The dark haired girl played along, smiling coyly. Lauren could help it as she broke into another grin. She leaned in closer, meeting Camila for another heated kiss.

“I could get used to this.” She admitted when they broke apart. “But wait. What how much would it cost?”

“It’s already been paid for.” She clarified. “Arin put in his share but he’s not going and judging by the way it ended, I don’t think he’d want to come along, even if he put down the money.”

“It still doesn’t seem right.” The younger girl hesitated.

“It’s fine, I promise.” Lauren assured. “If it’ll make you feel better, you can chip in on gas.”

“Deal.” She nodded.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring break - day 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @heyjayyay  
> Tumblr: heyjayyay.tumblr.com  
> Instagram: @heyjayyay

Before she knew it, her suitcase was packed and the group had gathered in front of the juniors’ apartment building. The trunk of the rental had been filled to the brim, mostly with alcohol provided by what they were now calling themselves as “Team Vercy.” Camila suspected, though, it was mostly Vero.

Alexa had volunteered to drive first, then Normani. Lauren and Lucy planned to drive on the way home, their rational being that no one trusted Vero to drive them. It was a joke, but still probably the wiser decision considering that the passengers were allowed to indulge themselves in alcohol, as long as they would be able to sober up by the time their driving shift came around.

Her TA climbed into the back of the SUV with a small canvas bag and a bag of chips. Her black, square rimmed glasses were hanging from the collar of her washed out 1975 t-shirt. Her attire was complimented with a pair of dark Converse and torn acid wash shorts. Once situated, she gestured for Camila to join her in the backseat.

She willingly obliged, placing her own bag at her feet. The youngest was definitely nervous about spending time with the upperclassmen, but after the confidence-crushing critique that her music instructor had given her, the escape was necessary.

“ _I don’t get it. I put everything I had into this.” She sighed._

_“A B isn’t too bad.” Lauren tried to console, gently placing a tender hand on the Camila’s knee. “Cs get degrees, right?”_

_Her attempted humor wasn’t as effective as she had hoped._

_“But this is what I’m good at, or at least I thought I was good at.” The pianist frowned dejectedly, her eyes locked on the red “B” at the top of her composition. She had always gotten As. She would have even taken an A- or a B+, but a B- was so close to a C. The notes from her professor read:_

**_Final grade: B-_ **

**_Camila, great start. Very different from what you normally have submitted in the past. I am pleased to see that you found a new sound but if this is the new approach you have to your music, you must keep working with it. I have a feeling there will be greater things to come. You have great potential._ **

_“You can’t put a grade on creativity.” Lauren reasoned. “At least, that’s what Professor Pierce always said. Just because you didn’t get a good grade, doesn’t mean you’re not smart or creative. You were inspired by this piece and whatever inspired you to write it was obviously very important, or else it wouldn’t have made such a strong impression on you. You wrote about what you felt and that’s what mattered.”_

_Camila sighed again. “Potential. He said I have potential.” She repeated. “That’s what they say to people on American Idol and The X Factor when they don’t actually like it but are too nice to say it to your face.”_

_“Hey,” She hushed, her green-eyes seeming to reach out to hold her, wrapping her body with warmth. “That’s not true. Simon said that Fifth Harmony had potential.” She reasoned, referring to an esteemed girl-group that Normani and Dinah constantly were talking about. “As much as we don’t like them, there’s no denying they’re doing well.” She reasoned. “More than well, really.”_

_“I guess you’re right.” She nodded. “Still, I was hoping for a better grade.”_

_“There will be other chances.” The brunette encouraged._

_She knew the TA was right. But it didn’t provide much relief from her disappointment._

_She had being swept away by the feeling she got when Lauren had kissed her. The piece was inspired by the butterflies in her stomach. It was different from the more classical pieces she was used to composing, with churning runs and spinning echos between the lower chords and the speeding treble. The fact that her professor had said that something that meant so much to her only had “potential” was a bit discouraging._

_“I know it probably doesn’t matter, but I liked it.” The junior tried another approach at cheering the girl up. “Loved it, actually.”_

_“Really?” she smiled hopefully._

_“Absolutely.” The TA nodded. “Especially the writing process. It was amazing to watch you in your element.” Green eyes sparkled._

_“Are you sure it wasn’t the kissing in the practice room?” She smirked sheepishly._

_“I mean, it didn’t hurt.” Lauren laughed. “But I also loved watching to experiment with the different sounds and how quickly you seemed to be able to figure things out, like the right chords and stuff. It always takes me forever to think and figure things out, probably because I overanalyze things sometimes.”_

_She shook her head in disagreement. “No. I should have thought harder and not rushed through it.” She deducted, toying with the fabric of her sleeves. “Maybe if I was more careful, I would have taken my time and written something better.”_

_“You felt what you felt, and you wrote it.” Lauren, now took her hands, giving them a comforting squeeze. “Sometimes you just need to ‘Focus on the journey, not the destination.  Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.’- Greg Anderson.” The TA quoted._

_The sophomore’s face broke into a small smile. “Thank you for always being so supportive of me.”_

_“No thanks needed.” The junior smiled back. “I’ll always be here for you.”_

_“And I for you.” She promised._

“I have to pee so badly!” Vero screeched, squirming in her seat. The sudden noise caused the youngest Latina to jump in surprise. The junior removed her glasses, placing them on her head as she turned down the volume on her phone.  She and Lauren had been using a headphone splitter to listen to her iPhone while each leaned comfortably against the other, reading her own respective literature. Either the passengers had fallen into a comfortable silence, or she had assumed that Vero and Lucy, sitting a row ahead, had fallen asleep.

She removed an earbud, only to hear a gruff bickering match drowning out A Great Big World.

 “I told you to go before we left the restaurant.” Normani, who was currently co-piloting the drive, lectured.

“I don’t know where the next rest stop is.” Alexa added from the driver’s seat, her gaze meeting the panicking girl in the rearview mirror.

“We’re almost there.” Lucy consoled, brushing the slightly intoxicated girl’s hair. “Can you hold it for a little longer?”

Her eyes widened. “No. Oh my god.” She started unbuckling her seatbelt, practically clawing at the car door as Alexa signaled her blinker.

They pulled into the parking lot of a run-down gas station, just in time for the frantic girl to scurry out of the car and in through the entry way. The driver and her co-pilot stepped out as well to stretch their legs.

“I really didn’t think she was going to make it.” The TA laughed in amusement.

“She’s something else.” Lucy chuckled, watching as the petite girl returned, bouncing from the Grade D establishment with a smile on her face.

“I know what you mean.” The hipster laughed. “No more drinks for Vero, okay?” She added.

“Way ahead of you.” She agreed, unbuckling her seatbelt and gathering the belongings that were sitting in the middle seat, one row ahead of the two Latinas.

“I’m just gonna stash these in the back.” She said, climbing out and popping the trunk. “Damn, this thing is at like max capacity.” She said from the rear of the vehicle. “I have one more bottle that needs to go. Lauren, Camila, help me finish this before Vero gets back.”

“Oh, I…” Camila stuttered.

“It’s like three shots for each of us. Take a swig and we’ll be done.” Lucy said, already having downed two large gulps. She passed the glass bottle to the sophomore.

“It’s okay,” Lauren comforted. “I’ll do it.” The hipster took the container and finished it off in her place.

“Ooo.” Lucy laughed. “You’re going to be feeling that soon.”

She was right.

\---  
Alexa was in no way a bad driver. But coupled with the alcohol sloshing around in her stomach, Lauren quickly grew woozy.

When they arrived at the beach house, the others wanted to get to the beach before the sun had set and as a result, quickly unpacked the car, tossing suitcases and bags into their respective rooms, changing into their swim attire.

The hipster seated herself on the tile floor of the bathroom, still feeling the effects of the alcohol.

“Do you want us to get you something to eat?” Camila paced worriedly.

The TA shook her head slowly. “I just need to sit on the beach for a little before doing anything crazy.” She assured. It was a bit more difficult to get dressed, but she managed.

Alexa and Normani were waiting on the couch when she finally exited the bathroom.

“Where are the others?” She asked.

“Camila went to make a phone call to her family.” Normani explained.

“And ‘Team Vercy’ left without you.” Alexa laughed. “They already got us a spot by the lifeguard shack. They just didn’t want to wait because you were taking too long.”

“I was taking long because I had to drink Vero’s shitty tequila.” Lauren grumbled.

“Oh, Lolo,” Alexa soothed, walking over to the brunette, placing an arm around her. “Let it go. We’re here to have fun and relax.”

“I’m ready if you guys are.” Normani declared. “Should we check to see if Mila’s ready too?”

“Do the honors?” The model asked, looking over at the TA.

She nodded, walking, or more so stumbling, to the bedroom door that was now shut. Knocking lightly, the door opened a second later.

“I’ll be there in a second.” Camila whispered, her hand placed over the receiver. “Go ahead without me. I’ll catch up.”

“Okay. We’ll be down by the lifeguard shack.” 

“By the shack.” The sophomore repeated with a nod. “Got it.”

The three roommates left the beach house shortly afterwards with a towel wrapped around her waist. It wasn’t hard to find their friends. Lucy and Vero had hit it up with the lifeguard on duty, chatting as though they were the best of friends. The poor soul probably thought he was going to get lucky that night. _If only he knew._ Lauren thought.

The trio decided against joining the commotion and set their bags and towels down adjacent to the two Latinas’ belongings.

Alexa and Normani were adamant about getting into the water, but the brunette declined, relaxing with a pair of aviators on her nose and a book in her lap. Facing the water so that she could keep an eye of her friends, she retrieved a large black sunhat from her bag and placed it on her head.

Before long, Vero and Lucy had returned from their beach boy mingling and joined her on their towels.

“He was nice.” Lucy smiled.  The petite Latina nodded in agreement.

“Why do you toy with boys like that?” Lauren asked, folding the page of her book before shutting it. “He doesn’t stand a chance.”

“We weren’t flirting.” Lucy objected. “We were just being friendly.”

“Boys take any sort of kindness as an invitation to get in your pants.” Vero seconded. “Besides, I have the best already. Who needs boys?” She added, causing Lucy to blush lightly.

Lauren smiled at the two. Despite Vero’s brash vocabulary and bluntness, she was still kind and loving when it came to the older girl.

“I mean, you’re hot too, especially with that ass.” Vero winked playfully. Lauren knew she was kidding though. “But nobody compares to my lovely Lucia.” Vero sing-songed as Lucy tried hard to hide the grin that was spreading across her features. Her teasing soon subsided when her gaze shifted to something or someone behind the TA.

“Damn girl! Forget bout Laur’s ass. Check out Camila.” She hollered, waving frantically to get the youngest girl’s attention. She caught eye of the flailing and soon approached the group.

“Hi guys.” She said shyly, spreading her towel delicately.

Lauren gulped. Vero was right. The sophomore was wearing a white bikini that hugged her curves in all the right places.  She knew the sun was hot, but _fuck. It was hot._

“H-hi.” She stuttered.

“Lauren, you’re drooling.” Vero laughed.

“Camila, want to come into the water?” Lucy asked, applying some tanning oil to her skin.

“I’m good. Maybe later.” The youngest declined, making herself comfortable next to the paler girl.

With shaky hands, Lauren handed her the book she had borrowed and started reading the car. She was about half way through, slightly ahead of the rate Lauren was reading at, but to be fair, she was more sober than the junior was.

“You alright?” The darker haired girl asked, noticing her TA’s trembling fingers.

“Just the alcohol.” She frowned. _And the fact that you’re making it hard to breathe._

“Take it easy.” The young Latina advised, patting Lauren’s leg, comfortingly.

She flinched at the touch, the sensation of the girls’ warm skin making contact with hers was really setting her on fire.

“You sure you’re okay?” Brown eyes were filled with concern.

“Yeah. I think I might just lay here for a while.” She admitted, discarding her book to the side before adjusting her hat and glasses to a more comfortable position.

  



	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lauren is a pale little bean

She couldn’t move. She wasn’t sure how long she had been asleep for, but when she was finally woken up by her friends, mainly Vero and Alexa, wringing out their hair onto her stomach, she let out a yelp. Actually, two yelps; the first from the coldness of the ocean water, and the second when she realized just how sunburnt she was. The salty water had immediately begun to irritate her skin.

“Girl, didn’t I tell you to put on your SPF?” Normani scolded, now trying to lather her already pink skin sunscreen.

“I completely forgot.” She admitted. “I don’t think that’s going to help.” She stated, despite the dancer’s efforts.

“She was too drunk.” Lucy defended.

“And distracted.” Vero laughed, giving Camila a playful up and down, which resulted in a slap on the arm from all of the girls, including Camila herself.

“Come on. Let’s get you out of this sun.” Alexa urged, helping her stand. The rest of the group seemed to have had their fill of the sunshine for the time being as well.

It was only when the girls returned to the beach house that the severity of Lauren’s sunburn really were noticeable. After a quick shower, she slipped into a pair of red, plaid PJ shorts and an oversized black hoodie. The rest of the friends had also changed into more comfortable attire, having bathed and ridded their hair of the smell of sea salt.

She was the last to join the group on the couch. Lucy was sitting on the left side of the couch, her hands in Vero’s hair, who was sitting on the floor between her knees. Normani and Alexa had taken the loveseat, leaving the corner seat of the couch, next to Camila, reserved for her as they all gathered around the television.

A few minutes into the movie, she began to shiver.

“You okay? “ Camila asked, concerned. She could clearly feel the vibrations coming from the TA’s body.

“Just cold.” She confessed, pulling her sleeves over her hands.

“I’ll be right back.” The younger girl smiled, standing from her place and retreating into their shared bedroom. She emerged a few seconds later with the comforter from her bed bundled in her arms.

“Here.” She began wrapping Lauren in the sheets. Alexa let out an “aww” but Lauren was too tired to shoot her a snarky response and instead allowed herself to be enveloped in the soft fabric and drifted off.

\---  
When she looked over, the TA had fallen asleep, head now resting on Camila’s shoulder, tucked into the crook of her neck. Camila took it upon herself to remove the older girl’s glasses, placing them on the coffee table.

“Poor thing.” Lucy cooed, watching her friend sleep. Vero let out a chuckle, earning herself a light tug on the braid that she had just finished.

“What?” She shrugged, looking up at the girl who had inflicted the pain.

Lucy’s eyes narrowed. “You know what.”

“Ok, okay.” She held up her hands “I’m sorry.” She apologized. “I’m a terrible influence.”

“Damn straight you are.” Normani scolded. “Did anyone bring aloe?” She asked, but was met with a chorus of ‘no’s’ and head shakes.

“Then it’s settled.” Alexa declared, chiming in. “Vero,” She snapped her fingers, pointing at the girl on the floor.” You’re on aloe duty.” She stretched out over the arm of the couch retrieving a set of keys off the side table and tossing it in the petite girl’s direction.

Vero playfully stuck her tongue out, but obliged.

“Camila, come with me?” The older girl requested.

The sophomore was taken aback, mainly because she had assumed she would have asked Lucy to accompany her instead.

“Umm. Yeah, sure.” She nodded, carefully extracting herself from the couch, taking caution not to wake the brunette. She looked back at the junior worriedly.

“Don’t worry.” Alexa assured. “Go ahead. We’ll get her tucked in.” She smiled.

With that, she followed the junior who was literally prancing toward the car with a carefree smile plastered on her face.

The vehicle unlocked with a beep at the two climbed in. Vero immediately turned the radio on, spinning the dial to the maximum volume level, insisting that Camila sing along. She did, of course. She had no choice. Luckily, the drive to the local Walmart wasn’t too far and was easy enough for them to find, having recalled passing it on their way to the resort.

“I wonder if they have those special blue gummy sharks here.” Vero said as they were pulling into the parking lot.

“Why, do you like them?” she asked as she unbuckled her seatbelt.

“Nah.” The petite girl shook her head nonchalantly. “Lucy loves them though. It’d be cool to surprise her with some.” She paused before continuing. “I guess if I get her some, I should get the rest of the girls something as well.” She said thoughtfully, now scanning the aisles for a potential peace offering.

Maybe Vero wasn’t as overwhelming as she seemed, Camila decided. She was just a fun loving, class clown, but when it came down to it, she was still loyal and supportive of her friends.

Suddenly, the small Latina clapped her hands, shouting “Come on!” and dragged Camila toward the aisle stocked with cards and party supply. They ran out swiftly after Vero had grabbed a tube of wrapping paper to use as a staff, tugging Camila’s wrist as she charged through the shore, demanding the other customers ‘make way’ for they were ‘on an epic quest.’ Camila couldn’t help but laugh along as they ran through the facility like children, coming to a clumsy halt in front of the pharmacy section.

She watched as Vero grabbed multiple bottles of aloe, after-sun, and moisturizing lotion from the shelves, spinning them hastily in her hands as she scanned the back of each container.

Everything she did was so frantic and brash, but extremely comical, Camila observed.

“What do you think of this one?” The small girl shoved a bottle in the sophomore’s face, just barely missing her nose. Camila took a step back, chuckling before reaching out to read the description.

“I think this might be better for eczema.” She concluded.

The smaller girl snatched it back, nodding as though it was something she had overlooked. “Right. Eczema. Knew that.” She quickly placed it back on the shelf, hitting the cap of it with the wrapping paper staff, just for good measure.

“You’ve been deemed unworthy.” She decreed. “This one?” She shoved another bottle in Camila’s direction.

She laughed, reading the text. This was a bit more appropriate for soothing burns and dry skin. “Better.” She gave a nod of approval and Vero tossed the rest of the bottles clumsily back onto the shelves.

“I think we should get some oatmeal and green tea, to make a home remedy.” Camila suggested, readjusting some of the discarded bottles as they left the area.  
  
“Aye-aye captain!” Vero agreed, raising the paper staff above her head. “To the groceries!” She declared.

Camila laughed along. “Charge!” She chorused.

They stopped in the same hasty manner, this time Camila retrieved the groceries, already knowing what to look for.

“You know, I’m glad Lauren met you.” Vero said suddenly more serious.

“What do you mean?” Camila tilted her head, each hand now carrying a box of oatmeal and tea.

“She could use more people like you in her life.” Vero explained, scanning the shelves for a few snacks to bring back to the rest of the group.

“You genuinely care about her.” She said simply.

“I don’t know if she wants me to talk about it, so just keep this between you and I, but her last boyfriend wasn’t really much of a catch.” Vero divulged.

“Sure, he was nice, but he didn’t really care about her, and turned out to be a bit of a fuckboy, if you know what I mean.” Her eyes flashed with anger.

“I think he just didn’t want to be single and was trying to impress his boys. It was like he seemed to have some ulterior motive.” She recalled.  
  
“That’s awful.” Camila frowned.

“No, what’s awful was him slut shaming her after they broke up.” Her jaw clenched.

“Why would anyone…”

“I know.” Vero cut off, her eyebrows now narrowed. “Laur’s a good person and even though we pull her leg sometimes, especially me, we don’t ever want to see her get hurt. Especially not like that again.”

“I don’t want to ever hurt her.” Camila promised.

“I know.” The smaller girl’s features relaxed. “We all do. You’re good for her.” She complimented.

“She hasn’t had much luck with guys in the past. A lot of her exes weren’t very respectful of her because let’s face it, Lauren’s hot. For some reason, men have some preconceived notion that hot girls are dumb girls. But that’s not the case with Lauren.” Vero explained.

“I would never.” Camila said firmly.

“I know. That’s why we like you.” Vero said, referring to the other juniors. “And I know I tease you guys a lot, and give you shit for stupid stuff, but you’re pretty cool.” She gave Camila’s arm a light nudge. “Anyway, I just wanted to say that.” She cleared her throat. “We should get checked out.” She said, nodding towards the direction of the registers.

They returned the wrapping paper and snagged a bag of gummies for Lucy as well before they walked to the self-checkout line, Camila insisting on paying for everything.  
  
“Thanks.” Vero said.

“No problem.” Camila waved it off. “It wasn’t much.”

“No. I mean, thanks for being so good to my friend.” She clarified. “Thank you for taking care of her and treating her right.”

“Oh.” Camila smiled. “She deserves to be.”

“You know, there’s more to you thank you let on.” The sophomore added.

“It’s part of my charm and mystique.” The petite girl went back to joking, flipping her hair over her shoulder for good measure, replacing the sunglasses from her head onto her face.

“You’re a softy.” She grinned as the junior scrunched her nose.

“Yeah, but don’t tell anyone. I’ll lose my street cred.” She lowered the glasses and winked playfully, snatching the plastic grocery bag from Camila’s hand, dashing toward the car.

\---

She woke up slowly, having felt less rested than when she had initially fallen asleep. Her green eyes peeled open, scanning her surroundings. She was in the bedroom now, though she had no recollection of getting there.

It was then that she realized the warm material she had been resting her head on was not a pillow, but a person; Camila to be exact.

The sophomore was sitting beside her with Lauren’s head resting in her lap as she swayed her head slowly. The book in her hand obscured her view, and Lauren wasn’t sure if the younger girl was conscious of it. But she observed her, completely memorized. She watched the way her chest rose and fell a she breathed and her chocolate orbs dashed across each line; snapping back to the start of each row with ease. It was like a rhythm and they were the dancers.

Lauren counted three more pages until the raven-haired girl finally noticed that she had awoken. The younger girl looked slightly startled before returning a kind smile

“How are you feeling?” She asked tenderly, closing _Mockingjay_ and placing it on the nightstand.

“Could be better.” She admitted truthfully.

The younger girl gave a sympathetic smile before running her hand across Lauren’s cheek.

“You’re cooling down, though.” She noted. That’s a good sign.”

“Thank you for taken care of me.” Lauren said appreciatively.

“Like you said, I’m here for you.”  The younger girl gave her hand a squeeze.

“You’re cute.” The junior couldn’t help but grin.

“So are you, my little Tomato.” She teased. Lauren moaned in embarrassment, her arms shooting up to cover her face. She groaned and winced in pain at the sudden movement. She had momentarily forgotten that her shoulders were burnt and hissed as her skin was stretched to an uncomfortable extent.

“Take it easy!” Camila urged, her eyes full of concern. Her slender fingers slowly pried the TA’s arms away.

“Let me help you.” She offed, reaching for the bottle of aloe vera that the girls must have bought for her at some point during her nap.

She deposited a small amount of the gel on her hand before rubbing it against the other, blowing a soft breath of hot air onto them.

“I don’t want it to feel too cold.” She explained. Lauren nodded gratefully, unzipping her hoodie slowly, careful not to irritate her skin any more than necessary as she repositioned herself to allow the sophomore to more easily access her back.

“Lay on your stomach.” Camila instructed, positioning a pillow by Lauren’s head.

“No more drinking and sunbathing, okay?” Camila giggled as Lauren jumped from the aloe making contact with her skin. She let out a low hiss, then a sigh. The aloe felt amazing. She never wanted it to end. She looked up to see the sophomore smiling.

“What?” the brunette blushed.

“Nothing.” Camila continued to smile softly. “It’s nice to take care of you is all.’ She confessed. “I feel like you’re always helping me.”

Lauren shook her head in objection. “It’s my pleasure.” She returned with a smile. Their eyes locked meaningfully. Lauren really liked how deep and warm Camila’s were. She liked the way they danced.

“Can I ask you something?” The TA questioned. The student nodded.

“What are you thinking of when you’re reading? I see you swaying sometimes.”

“Uhh...” The younger girl blushed. “I like to picture the characters and their outfits, the way they walk and their mannerisms, you know?” Camila explained. Lauren gave a look that motioned for her to continue.

“I really like setting the scene and conjuring up the landscape for each plot.” She added.

“And the swaying?”

“Well,” The younger girl probably would have picked at her nails if it weren’t for the fact that they were covered in aloe. “I guess, well, it’s kind of lame, but when I read, I’m able to hear music. It’s like a soundtrack that I’m composing entirely in my head. Like the swells of a full string orchestra when the character develops in a significant way, or the drums beating during a heart-pounding fight scene.”

“Incredible.” Lauren complimented in admiration. It made the younger girl blush even harder. “You’re really incredible.” She repeated.

The younger girl had to look away. “Better?” She cleared her throat, changing the subject. She gave Lauren’s back a light tap. The TA nodded, burying her face into the fabric of the comforter. Better, but also kind of worse. She was practically being massaged. Suddenly, the memory of the younger girl in her bikini flashed behind her eyelids she swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Umm.” She sat up. I’m going to get some water. Do you want some?” She offered.

“Sure.” Camila nodded. “Thank you.”

When she excited the room, Lucy and Vero were cuddling on the cough. Alexa and Normani were in the kitchen, snacking at the island. The petite girl, nestled in Luc’s arms, greeted her with a knowing look.

The hipster quirked a bold eyebrow, readjusting her hoodie, now feeling self-conscious.

“What?” She asked.

“Post-sex water run?” Vero laughed as Lauren grabbed two water bottles from the plastic packaging.

Her eyes practically popped out of her skull.

“What? No!” She fumbled, almost dropping the bottles.

“We heard you groaning and moaning.” Vero winked.

“Because my sunburn hurt and she was rubbing aloe on it.” Lauren explained.

“So… a massage?” Lucy said.

“Whatever you want to call it.” The tiny girl continued to tease, wiggling her brows.

“Oh my god. You’re ridiculous.” Lauren rolled her eyes. “We didn’t, perv.”

The small girl continued to wink obnoxiously, insinuating otherwise.

“You know what, fuck you.” She spat, turning before they could see her crack a smile.

“Idiots.” She muttered under the breath, closing the door behind her, clicking the lock. She heard Vero burst into laughter through the barrier.

“Everything okay?” Camila looked up in amusement as Lauren handed her a plastic bottle.

“Vero and Lucy being Dumb and Dumber. The usual.” Lauren shrugged. “Actually, mostly just Vero.” She retracted.

Camila chuckled. “I can see why that might be frustrating.”

“I don’t know how Lucy does it. Bless her soul.” The TA laughed along.

“She’s not that bad.” Camila defended.

“Wow. Really?” Lauren looked around the room playfully. “Where am I? Who are you? What year is it?” She pretended to be in shock.

“Come on.” Camila laughed, patting the place next to her on the bed.

“How’s the book?” Lauren asked, changing the subject as her eyes fell onto the brightly designed cover.

“Katniss is such a badass.” The sophomore appreciated. “I wish I was as brave as her.”

“You are brave.” The hipster shot back immediately.

“No, but not like save-the-entire-human-race-brave,” Camila countered. “I’m like, let-me-try-this-new-food brave.”

Green eyes sparkled in amusement and Lauren let out a laugh. “Silly, you’re brave just for seeing the good in everybody and everything, for viewing the world the way you do, and for loving things as purely and passionately as you do.”

The student blushed at the TA’s kind words.

“You’re ability to put your faith in and see the positive in things makes you brave.”  She complimented, placing a kiss on the younger girl’s forehead. “It’s one of the things that I love most about you.”

Chocolate eyes welled up. “Thank you.”

“Thank _you_.” Lauren emphasized. “For simply being you.”

A part of her wanted to punch herself for becoming so cheesy, but she couldn’t help it. Camila was, without a doubt, one of the best things to have happened to her. And her behaviors and actions today only served to solidify that belief even more.

“Well,” Camila smiled. “I hope I get to prove myself to be even braver.”

“You will.” Their hands laced together. “I’m sure of it.” 


End file.
